I Love You My Beautiful Broken Angel
by RavenNevermore18
Summary: BBR centered on Raven -Souls are stolen, hearts are robbed,angels fall borken, and it was all for you...Beast Boy,fate is in your hands now.A BBR romance:Terra is given a few more days of souless breathing,but the price she pays is to another's expenceBBR
1. Dreams

BBR. Raven's emotions are swarming in different directions and she doesn't know what to believe anymore, why does it hurt her to think about Beast Boy and why does every part of her mind scream that Terra can not be trusted?  
  
I Love You My Beautiful Broken Angel  
  
That day the sun shone right through the cobwebbed window at the corner of her room, the light reflected off the glass and beamed bleaching strands of light into the dark room where she lay bundled in cozy covers and twisted dreams. Dreams of falling and falling through a torn sky filled with frozen clouds and pieces of the moon. She couldn't quite grasp her breath, her lungs felt like they'd been bleeding for quite some time and she wondered how she could live with a heart that would not beat and a chest drowning in emptiness. The pain sweetly sung its way through her veins, but she couldn't feel the stinging pinch of life in her head, for it was also empty and confused. She felt herself gaining speed and becoming closer to the ground, gravity sucking her fragile body back into its reach, she didn't bother to ask how she could fall without gravity, questions were pointless now. The end was near.  
  
She whispered a single prayer before saying goodbye to the body that harbored her soul. She had already lost her wings a long time ago. But before her body became one with the earth it fell into his arms. The arms of her purple silhouette, the one whom loved her, the one she knew she loved, though she did not know who he was. She couldn't know yet, she wasn't ready for her destiny to unwind. She yelled at him, once more he had saved her, just before her feet could touch the ground just before she knew who she was and what she was going to be. She screamed, asking him why bother trying to save her, why give her his soul? Couldn't He see that she was dieing? But he ignored her pleas and cradled her fragile soul firmly in his arms.  
"Love will save you from darkness, darkness is love's shadow, light is love's blindness, we are loves holders...and also its slaves" He said in a blurry gentle voice. And she knew she wanted to be there with him, her purple silhouette, who ever he was. "I will save you, my beautiful broken angel..." they both spoke harmoniously in words of song. Just then every thing was taken into darkness and everything was taken into light, and everything was everything it ever should be, but that wasn't good enough.  
  
The light poured onto her sleeping body and her eyes flew open, she was now in the real world where nothing so wonderful would ever happen to her like it did in her dreams. She darted her eyes to the window, she must have forgotten to close the curtains last night when she was gazing at the moon for hours before she finally fell asleep. She yawned and raised her hand, quietly muttering the magic words, "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos..." and closed the curtains with her mind. The room was now flooded in darkness and it looked the same when she closed her eyes; it was so easy to confuse the two worlds now. She tried to push herself back into her dream but she couldn't, she was surrounded by darkness no matter how hard she tried to remember.  
  
She gave up and rolled off her bed onto her feet, she would meditate on the roof until morning or until she could place herself back in that dream. She quietly opened and shut her door, silently flying through the hallway trying not to wake the others. Suddenly she ran into something, someone in the hallway and there was a large thump as they both collapsed to the ground. They waited a few seconds to see if any one woke up, but no one did.  
  
"R-Raven, is that you? What are you doing up so late?" A familiar voice asked, Terra. Raven thought.  
"What are you talking about this late? Light was pouring from my window when I woke up." Raven said as they both lifted themselves from the floor.  
"Um...it's still really dark outside Raven, it's only like, 2:46am"  
"What? You're kidding aren't you? How can that be?"  
"I think you're just really tired Raven." Terra said as if Raven had suddenly gone mentally insane. Raven sighed and shook it off, maybe that was just apart of her dream or something.  
"If it's that late what are you doing up Ms. Princess of daylight?" Raven said sarcastically but in a fun way, the others were right she thought, she had to lighten up sometimes.  
"Oh just nothing, nothing at all, just walking you know, it's really good for you." Terra said, she couldn't really manage to contain her nervousness.  
"okkk...Well you go do that, I'm going to the roof." Raven said and started to walk away. But Terra did not, she just walked a couple steps and stopped in front of beast boy's room, Raven found that rather odd so she turned around and watched as Terra slowly opened the door and closed it leaving a slight open crack. Raven tiptoed to the door and looked in.  
  
Terra jumped onto the sleeping green boy and hugged him. Raven couldn't help but notice how calm and peaceful he was before that. Kind of cute, all curled up with his mouth shut.  
"Hey BB! How's the dream world?!" Terra yelled in his ear, he screamed and jumped up awake to find himself in the blond girl's arms. The sight sickened Raven deeply but it didn't seem to madden beast boy too much.  
"Oh, it's just you Terra, you frightened me."  
"Aw I'm so sworry BB...I won't do it ever again..." Terra whimpered with puppy dog eyes. Raven widened her eyes and tried to hold her stomach from throwing up. She never saw Terra like THAT before...there were so many things they didn't know about her... Raven still had a gut feeling that there was something terrible about that girl. She saw it in her vision the day Terra came back, she still couldn't forget it. Beast boy sighed and took her in his arms.  
"It's ok Terra...I still love you..." He said  
"I love you too BB!" Terra giggled and kissed his cheek. Raven watched them, startled, and somehow upset. He loves her...He...loves her...she kept repeating the words in her mind. How did this startle her, hearing those words? They were always flirting, it was obvious he liked her, though she didn't trust Terra that her feelings were pure. But she knew he liked her, so why did it hurt, and why the hell did she care anyway?! Beast Boy deserved her, that little brat, that little...green... 'You don't really feel that way do you?' A voice in Raven's head asked. 'Leave me alone...it's better that way...' Raven replied to the voice and shut it out completely.  
  
Raven watched as Terra's lips met Beast Boy's and she knew she couldn't take it any longer. She ran as fast as she could to the roof, feeling too sick to fly. A couple items fell off the shelves behind her. 'My powers are connected to my emotions, I have to calm down, I have to meditate.' And so she sat on the roof cross-legged and slowly floated above the ground with closed eyes. She gently floated into her mind where she figured she was safe just standing on the rocks trying to collect herself. She looked off into the distance and saw a figure getting closer and closer to her, it stepped out of the fog. It was Beast Boy.  
"It's ok Terra, I still love you..." he spoke in a dream world voice that echoed through her head. One of her personalities appeared.  
"He Still loves her..." Happiness said, with not hint of happiness  
"It's ok Terra...I love you..."  
"He loves her..." Timid said as she appeared, and every time he said something, a personality repeated it.  
"Terra, I'll love you for always..."  
"He will always love her..."  
"Terra...you love me don't you?" Terra appeared behind Raven.  
"Yes Beast Boy, I love you..."  
"She loves him..."  
"STOP IT!!!" Raven finally cracked but all the echoes just kept singing lightly in the background repeating and repeating. She went up to Beast Boy. "How did you get here? Why are you in my mind! I said stay out!" And she reached for him but her hand went straight through him, like he was a hologram, she kept trying to touch him but every time she reached for him it was as if he wasn't there, just his reflection. She looked behind her to Terra whom was smiling wickedly but seemed to be standing farther and farther away by the second.  
  
Rage walked behind Terra and wrapped her hands around her neck. "KILL...HER...KILL TERRA!" Rage shouted and suddenly Raven heard screaming, she recognized it as her own voice and she then saw herself lying below Terra with a knife through her back slicing right through her heart. 


	2. KillTerra?

Author Note: This is my first fanfic so I would really appreciate reviews, constructive criticism is welcomed, but not flamers, all you flamers just really need to cool down ok? This takes place after the episode "Titan Rising" in this story all the characters are between the ages 15-16, all the boys are older cause I like it that way. Please read and review and I really hope you like it!  
  
Raven gasped sharply inhaling the frozen air and stared at her stone dead body, streams of blood crawling on the floor, the crimson liquid of Raven's heart all over Terra's hands.  
  
"I'm sorry Beast Boy, for killing your friend, but she was in my way..." Terra said wickedly yet still cutely and gave him the puppy dog eyes.  
"It's ok Terra...I still love you..." He said. And they ran to each other, Beastboy running right through Raven but all she could feel was cold prickles and ice sliding up her spine as she watched them embrace with a kiss. Raven bit her lip trying not scream but failing to hold back her bloody tears from falling...falling...Raven suddenly lost her breath and a heart beat skipped off into nowhere when she saw the knife that had killed her still in Terra's hands, lifting up behind Beast Boy, and Raven ran, she ran to save him, this lovely boy even if he had turned his back on her for Terra, because that's how Raven loved him. But she ran, ran right through him, and the blade thrust into his small helpless body and Raven couldn't feel him, she couldn't hear him, all she could hear was her shrilling scream, echoing for ages off into the oblivion of her mind and soul. She couldn't save him...  
Terra laughed wickedly, dropping his soulless body into the dust like rubbish. A figure stepped into the dust, and Raven knew who it was. It was Slade.  
"How could you do this? How could you betray us...how could you kill him when he loved you...he loved you so much and...all you did was lie to him... DIDN'T YOU LOVE HIM?! HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT??!!!!" Raven screamed in agony and despair. But she knew Terra couldn't hear her, it was as if she wasn't there.  
"Good job Terra, you have done your purpose, you are successful! I will now consider you my apprentice. Come now let's go training for your next mission." Slade said strongly, glad that the titans were finally gone.  
  
"Oh Slade it was nothing! I couldn't have done it without your plan, and those wimps were so easy to manipulate!" She smiled wickedly. Slade started to walk away and she slowly followed but stopped. She looked back at Beast Boy's body and a tear slipped from her eye. She whispered "Yes Beast Boy...I LOVE you..." and then turned around again.  
"THEN WHY?" Raven whimpered softly through clenched teeth, her voice quivering as she cried. She didn't expect an answer but she couldn't hold her feelings back anymore.  
"Because Raven, I can't have someone love me like that, love me like you love him, it hurts too much..." Terra responded. Raven gasped and grabbed herself with shock, so she could hear her? Gusts of wind hit Raven forcefully and her plum hair swayed in the air, the ground began to rumble and shake. "It's too dangerous to love someone like me..." Terra said and rocks collapsed on both of them.  
  
"nn...avennn...Raven....? RAVEN?!" Raven heard a voice, at first blurry but then it became clear and crisp. She recognized it as Beast Boy's voice. She opened her eyes; she was not in her meditating position but was sprawled across the floor of the rooftop. Her violet eyes rested themselves on a worried Beast Boy kneeling beside her. "Well good morning Sleeping Beauty. I was worried you might be dead. The gang told me to tell you breakfast is about ready and then I heard screaming from the roof so I figured you might be-"  
"You're ALIVE! Oh Beast Boy I can't believe it you're still alive, and, and IM still alive!" Raven jumped onto him held him in her arms. It took a few seconds to realize what she just did and how out of character that was for her. She stepped away from the paralyzed Beast Boy and hid her red face under her cloak hood.  
"Dude! I have a girlfriend..." Was all he could say.  
"Of course of course! I think the cold got to me is all...forget that just happened!" She said and she bit her lip. She was still very close to him and couldn't help but stare at his every perfect feature...or at least he seemed perfect to her...And then she noticed a red mark on his neck halfway covered up by his jump suite. "Beast Boy? What is that? Are you ok?" She asked worriedly and lifted her hand to his neck and pulled the neck part of the suite down a bit to see what it was but when she did she gasped and backed up a bit, embarrassed. Was that a...hicky? Had he really gone that far with Terra that she would kiss him on his neck?!  
  
"It's not what you think! Gawd Raven it's just- a birth mark! Don't get so exited!" But the Goth girl would not believe it. (I hate labeling people like that but it's used so much and it sounds cute.) She narrowed her eyes.  
"If I were you I wouldn't get so close to Terra...you're going to get hurt Beast Boy...I don't want you to get hurt..." She said slowly, afraid to let her thoughts out so suddenly. He pulled his neck color back up.  
"Raven I know you don't like Terra that much for whatever reason but don't talk about her like that! She's on our side remember? She saved our home and everything and she said, she said she-"  
"Loved you?" Raven finished for him. But before he could say anymore Robin called up the stairs.  
"Beast Boy?! Raven?! Breakfast's ready what's taking so long?"  
"Nothing weir coming down!" Raven replied. And Beast Boy gave her a confused and upset look. She took his hand and they silently walked down the stairs and into the kitchen.  
  
"Yes it worked! We kept BB out of the Kitchen for the right amount of time, now BB let's eat some real food!" Cyborg said gleefully holding a pan of scrambled eggs. But his attempt of getting any reaction out of Beast Boy failed. Instead Beast Boy Just looked annoyed and sat at the kitchen table next to Terra leaning his head on her shoulder. "It looks like Raven's mood has caught on to you" Cyborg said trying to get something out of Beast Boy but he just sat there and closed his eyes. Cyborg finally gave up on the corny jokes and sat down to eat. Raven just walked over to the counter and made herself some herbal tea, she didn't feel like interacting with any one right now, especially Terra. The voices of the others' chattering faded into the background as she sat on the couch and read a book.  
  
Raven's head started to pound and pound on her sanity and the words crossed over each other until finally she decided she couldn't take it, now was not the time to read. Flashes of the dream kept randomly screaming themselves into her head. '"can't you see that I'm dying?!" "Darkness is love's shadow" "I'm just walking...It's good for you.." "light is love's blindness..." "It's ok Terra, I still love you..." "KILL HER...KILL TERRA!" "how could you kill him when he loved you...he loved you so much" "WHY" "I can't have someone love me like that, love me like you love him, it hurts too much..."' Raven's fingertips dug into the sofa as she tried as hard as she could not to scream. She took deep breaths and told the voices to stop, and they finally stopped. Everything was so...quiet now, it was too quiet just too perfect. Raven took out a book and started recording the dreams she had the previous night, she had to get them out some how.  
  
All the voices had ceased in Raven's head. All except Rage.  
'Kill...KILL HER...KILL TERRA!' Raven peered back at Terra, laughing with Beast Boy whom seemed to have forgotten all that happened on the roof. Terra felt Raven's piercing stare, she looked over at Raven for a second, smiling, before jumping onto Beast Boy and taking him tightly into her greedy arms. Raven's eyes widened and she detected something horrible in that girl. But why would she detect evil in Terra? She could understand hating her with jealousy but there was this huge gap between them and Raven still couldn't trust her. 'You will be the one to kill her, to kill the evil...' Rage told her. 'It is in your future.' Raven hated to think that and tried to push Rage away but she couldn't help but feel that, that part of her...was right. She stared at the laughing blond haired girl as she stole a kiss from Beast Boy. 'Am I...going to be the one...to kill her?...'  
  
I hope that wasn't too creepy, unless you like creepy, then good for you! Please review! Come on you can do it! It'll only take a minute or 2! Don't worry the whole thing isn't centered around hating Terra, not really. I'll try to update as soon as I can, heck I updated it the day I first posted it! See? I'm not that slow. –Forever More, RavenNevermore18 


	3. The Kiss

Author Note: Heads up this might have a teeny bit of humor in it but I was in the mood, if you hate humor don't skip it for that, it still has plenty of drama, if you hate drama, this story might not be for you...but feel free to read it anyway and see if you like it! You can't miss this chapter, for it beholds a kiss. Did I give away too much? Oh yeah and I DON'T own the Teen Titans, that is why this is called Fanfiction  
Later that day Raven was suddenly awakened from her thoughts and her constant stare at the ceiling. She was just lying on the couch staring up and thinking about her feelings, trying to find the spot where they met up with her logic and her mind, but it was all just too jumbled up to tell. She was going over the part where she saw Terra and Beast Boy in his room. Terra suddenly walked into the room where Raven lay.  
  
"Hey Raven! Starfire and I are going out to the mall wanna come? Come on! Let's get some girl bonding time! Weir gonna go to the salon and do some window shopping, we can even stop off at Hot Topic and the book store if you want." Terra said excitedly and then waited for Raven's response.  
"I don't think so..." Raven said coldly and turned over. Just hearing Terra's voice sent shudders up her spine, it was dreadful just to be in her presence right now, go to the mall with her? What kind of sense would that make? Maybe she'd go with Starfire, because Starfire was her friend. Starfire wouldn't backstab her, wouldn't hurt her, and she loved Robin. "You can GO now..." Raven said irritated.  
  
"Geez Raven you don't have to be so grumpy. What is it, you want all the boy's to yourself while weir gone?" Terra joked and smirked. "Well Beast Boy's mine."  
  
"YOU CAN GO NOW TERRA!" Raven screamed, but then noticed how much emotion that took from her...she had to stay calm...calm... 'Peace...quiet...tranquility...' Raven repeated in her mind. Starfire walked into the room.  
  
"Raven you seem quite upset, do you perhaps have what they call PMS?" Starfire asked in her innocent curious voice. Just then Robin walked in behind Starfire.  
  
"NO Starfire I DON'T have PMS!!!" Raven shouted, by now quiet furious. Robin stopped dead in his tracks and quietly slinked away. Raven quickly regretted that, she didn't want to hurt Starfire, she didn't do anything. "Sorry it's just...I need to be alone right now ok?" Raven asked and whispered out loud this time. "Peace...Quiet...Tranquility..."  
  
"Ok Raven, whatever you say. Let's go Starfire before she accuses us of murder or something." Terra said, almost sounding hurt. Raven sighed upset with herself that she had screamed. What had these dreams been doing to her? She'd been so out of character lately...not at all like herself, what with all the screaming...and her mistrust for Terra...and her feelings whenever she was around Beast Boy... It had to stop before she broke something with her thoughts, before she hurt somone.  
  
Terra and Starfire left the Titan's Tower and went to the mall while Raven lye there silently calming down. Robin re-entered the room this time with Cyborg and Beast Boy.  
  
"What was all that screaming about?" Robing asked Raven.  
"It was nothing...Terra and I just didn't come to agreement on something." She secretly wanted to tell Robin and Beast Boy her dream, she wanted to protect Beast Boy and she figured Robin being the intellect he was could figure something out, especially when he heard Slade was involved. She looked up and stared at them wishing there was something she could say but when she opened her mouth, nothing. The boys just shrugged and all got on the couch squeezing her between them. She was between Best Boy and Cyborg. They clicked and clicked the controllers, not even noticing the steam coming out of her ears exasperation.  
  
"DUDE! I'm so beating you! WOO did ya see that one! Oh yea! Hey look Raven, look how fast I'm going!" Beast Boy gloated  
"Yay...Joy oh rapture..." Raven commented sarcastically.  
"Glad to see you're getting into it Raven." Robin said.  
"OH YEAH BABY HIGH SCORE!" Beast Boy screamed and raised his arms and fists in rejoice. He slouched and rested his arms on the top of the couch behind raven and Robin. Raven felt his light touch and felt awkwardly comforted. She closed her eyes and laid her head back on his arm. She really was out of character today...she didn't even go up to her room like she would have done any other day. Robin and Cyborg played against each other and Raven opened her eyes and watched for a bit. There was so much flashing and shoots of bright colors, the figures on the screen slowly began to all just blur together, and then fade away, and before Raven knew it, she was sleeping.  
  
Beast Boy stared at the sleeping Raven, so peaceful and quiet and sweet looking. 'Wait, what was that last one? Never mind I never thought it' Beast Boy battled in his head. He continued to stare at Raven and wonder what she was dreaming about.  
  
Raven was falling again, and falling and falling...she finally fell into the warm arms of her purple silhouette. "I will save you my Beautiful Broken Angel..." They both sung again but this time she felt a sharp pain at her side, pinching her veins and pulling her muscles. She clenched the side of her waist and pressured it trying to stop the pain. She clenched her teeth and let out a scream of agony.  
  
The scream of agony Raven made in her dream came out as a soft painful grunt in the real world. Beast Boy's eyebrows creased upwards, worried for her, she seemed to be in so much pain. The screams of Robin and Cyborg and the beeps and clicking that carried as their chorus began to fade into the background of Beastboy's mind. Should he help Raven? Should she take her back to rest in her room? But if she woke up she'd be so angry at him, he could only imagine what she'd do to him. Come to think of it, she had been pretty aggressive lately. But he watched her yelp in pain again through her teeth and he decided to do it. 'Raven I'm sorry but you're in too much pain right now for me to care what you think of me, you're already mad at me anyway. I know you would help me if I was hurt, you already have many times.' Beast Boy thought to her in his mind as he stood up. He slowly picked raven up into his arms and hugged her tightly to his chest. He began to walk away.  
  
"Beast Boy what are you doing with Raven?" Robin asked  
"You know she's gonna kill you man, Raven AND Terra." Cyborg joined in.  
"Well Raven's in pain I have to take her to her room, and Terra doesn't have to know about it either." He said and looked at them silently commanding them to keep the secret. They nodded their heads.  
"She must be really hurt for BB to be so serious about it." Cyborg commented as he turned to Robin. They both started playing their game again as Beast Boy Walked up the stairs being careful not to drop her.  
"Raven please be ok..." he whispered staring down at her chalk pale china doll face. It looked so gentle and serene. In Raven's dream world her purple silhouette was running with her in his arms, running from the figure chasing them. It was becoming very clear that that figure was none other than Terra. Raven wrapped her hands around her silhouette's neck trying to feel secure and steady with his running pace. She felt cold and numb as ice, she pressed her head to his chest trying to find some warmth from his heart. The beat of his heart slightly calmed her down but Terra was still on the chase. What did she want from Raven? What could Terra possibly want from her?  
  
Back in the real world Beast Boy was still on his way to Raven's room. Raven clutched her frosty hands around Beast Boy's neck and pressed her head to his chest. He could feel her soft quick breaths as they escaped her frozen lips. He wondered how she had gotten so cold. 'She might be in worse condition than I thought.' Beast Boy was thinking. 'For once the strong, brave, independent Raven seems so helpless and fragile in my arms...she always says such nasty things to me and has always been such a loner but right now it feels, like she NEEDS me, and that feels...so nice to be needed...' He couldn't help but think this, he knew the city needed him to help protect them but not him individually, and when it came to the other teammates they always treated him like a weak child. Did Terra need him? Or did she just enjoy his companionship? She was so unpredictable that he never knew what she'd do next.  
  
Beast Boy finally arrived at Raven's Room and slowly opened the door letting cracks of light into the room. He walked to Raven's bed not even bothering to notice all the creepy objects in her room, like the skulls, and the spiders, and the magic books and statues and-well he didn't notice them. He just laid her down on her bed and pulled the covers over her cold body. He kneels on his knees next to Raven and watches her for a few seconds, though the room was now flooded in a pool of light gray he could make out every detail of Raven's face, her smooth silk fine plum hair, her beautiful red forehead jewel. (I forget the name of it)  
  
Meanwhile in Raven's dream her silhouette found shelter for her in a cave. He rests her down on the ground and holds her hand. "Weir safe now its ok...Terra can't get us here..." he tells Raven in a soothing voice. "I will shelter your soul and harbor your heart...because I love you My Beautiful Broken Angel..." They both sung. He bends down and kisses her ever so gently on the lips, his warm touch spreading joyous bliss throughout her veins.  
  
Beast Boy touches his finger tips to raven's cheek tickling her soft smooth skin with his warmth. He can feel her warm breath slow down as she opens her lips.  
"I will shelter your soul and harbor your heart...because I love you My Beautiful Broken Angel..." Raven whispered and before Beast Boy could react to that she leaned forward and kissed his lips, ever so gently like in her dream. Beast Boy sat paralyzed as Raven pulled away and rested her head back on her pillow. He just stared at her as his emotions and logic tore at each other's flesh. "Will you love me for always my angel?" she whispered.  
Before Beast Boy had a chance to think his body moved on its own. "Yes..." he whispered, and then he noticed what he said...and all the things that single word could change...  
  
Author note: Too short too long? Hope not. PLEASE Review because reviews are the power that keeps me writing! Thanx to all the people that reviewed the last chapters! Hope to hear from you again and some new people. And if you like creepy, I'll try to add more creepy in the next chapter, sorry for the lack of creepy in this one, but it had plenty of romance right? That makes up for it. Ok I have to go. Forever More, RavenNevermore18 


	4. The Morn of Battle

Author note: I you all enjoy this chapter, thank you SO much to all the people that reviewed the last chapters, every review send will power and strength in writing more of this. My story is going to get more and more dramatic and show more depth as it goes on and I already have some pretty big plans for the conclusion, but I should stop talking before you get any more out of me! Btw just like all of you I can't wait for the new episode this Saturday and even if it does show the conclusion to all that happens to Terra don't worry cause I'll still keep writing this. Well sorry for hogging your time, go on read!  
  
In Raven's Dream---- A girl of blinding light walked to Raven, into the Darkness. She unveiled the light and under it was the face of Terra.  
"Raven, my friend...what is it you hold against me...you know I love him...I love him just as much as you, so you know what that's like don't you?...you can't just steal him away from me...he's been at your fingertips all this time and you were never brave enough to do anything about it. Well I'M here now and I was brave enough to DO something with my feelings!" Terra said upset and sad.  
  
"I know you love him Terra...I mean how could any one...not fall in love with an angel? But...you just don't really feel it...you love him with a lust that grows in your veins, a seek, find, and love lust...you're tired of waiting for someone to care, so tired you don't realize you're not the only one dieing inside...but...I...I've always been here...my soul has found me, you can't wish on a star for the fate that will later come for you..."  
  
"Raven...just face it...it doesn't matter, he loves ME...I am all he cares for...he's in my hands and I'll never let him go...he's too blind to see you..."  
  
"That's not true!"  
"I think you know it is...he doesn't love you and he never will, he will love ME...for always...and I won't let you get in our way, you must be dealt with...no one, no one will come in the way of our love..."  
"TERRA?!" Raven screamed as Terra lodged a sharp blade through Raven's heart. But it was too late the blood poured from Raven's chest soaking her clothing and piercing her soul. She collapsed to the ground and whimpered in her pain. "Terra I could always see right through you...in time he will too..." Raven whispered out into the darkness and then her head hit the floor. Raven woke up with a gasp, thrust back into the world of reality, a blinding light peeking through the corners of her window seeping into her room. She looked around breathing heavily and then took a deep breath. She laid back down and put her hands at her sides but one of her hand touched a warm hairy object, someone's head. She looked over and Saw Beast Boy's head sleeping on her bed. (no rhyme intended) She didn't question how he got there, she was just glad she wasn't alone. She gently moved her hand over his smooth face and smiled with her half open eyes. She moved down her bed till her face was next to his and she stared at him. He was Terra's boyfriend; Terra was her friend wasn't she? She couldn't love him. But she did. Was he, was he her Purple Silhouette? Her Broken Angel? She felt her fingertips through his hair, her reactions based on human feeling, and for once she didn't question them. But she was at peace with this emotion, it was so silky, and warm, and tranquil. She was finally at peace with time, because at the moment time seemed to be on her side. All Beast Boy could think about in his dreams was the replay of what had happened the night before. When Raven asked in her sleep if he would love her for always and he had said yes...what did that mean...what would Terra say?  
  
Meanwhile Terra was walking through the hall way and opened Beast Boy's door. She looked inside through the crack and saw that no one was there. That was weird she hadn't seen him since she left, Robin said Beast Boy just went to sleep early, but where was he really? 'Aw well, I'll deal with him later, right now I must do...that thing I have to do.' Terra sighed sadly like she'd cry. She wanted to see Beast Boy before going to the roof again. So Terra continued walking up to the roof.  
  
Raven kissed Beast Boy's forehead. 'Who gives a damn about Terra anyway...she took him from me, I know she knows I feel something for him.' She tried to make herself believe that this was true, that she didn't care about Terra, that she hated Terra, she wanted to hate her. She somehow felt that one day Terra would betray her, if she didn't trust Terra in the first place it might not hurt so much. She stared at the peaceful sleeping Beast Boy and decided to leave before she did anything she would regret. She had to control her emotions, keep them inside. To every one else it seemed like Raven had no emotion, when really her hold back of emotion was drawn form the strongest emotion of all, the emotion of pure love she had for all her friends, she didn't want to hurt them. Harbored in her body, her emotions eat off of the pain and the longing that she drowned in day to night, and night to day. In reality, she had more emotion than any one. Raven sighed and slowly slipped out of her bed, making sure not to wake Beast Boy up from his silent slumber. She floated to the door way and slowly closed it behind her.  
  
To her surprise it was dark in the hallways, yet it had been so bright in her room, maybe she was just extremely tired again. The room always seemed to light up when Beast Boy was in it. Raven smiled again and floated to the roof. She sleepily stepped onto the roof when she heard a light ringing, a whining piercing the air. She turned around and saw Terra, floating in the sky in a blinding light. She seemed so...dead. "Terra?" Raven whispered. Raven slowly walked toward the light that held Terra's motionless body in mid air. What was happening to her? Terra began to scream inside her little bubble of warmth leaching light but to the rest of the world it was only a light ringing that only Raven was able to hear. Raven ran to her as the light shot out bolts of lightning into the sky and released Terra. Terra fell onto the hard concrete right in front of Raven before she could catch her. Smoke sifted from Terra's body and fogged up the air as Terra twitched trying to move, trying to breathe. Raven kneeled down next to terra and put her fingers to Terra's neck searching for a pulse. Terra's pulse slowly gained back to normal and her breathing recovered.  
"Terra...are you ok?! What was that!" Raven asked, angry at her self for going against her word, actually caring that Terra was hurt. But Terra didn't answer. She just slowly opened her eyes and turned her head to Raven, her eyes had red flames burning inside. Raven Gasped and stood up, not too long after that Terra lifted herself off the floor and stood there in front of Raven. Terra lifted her hand and touched Raven's cheek.  
"You look just like her." Terra said.  
"Like who?" Raven stared at Terra hard, this defiantly wasn't normal.  
"Like your mother..." Terra said, giving Raven a painful look.  
"How would you know about my Mother?!" Raven screamed, backing away from Terra.  
"She was a wonderful Woman you know, it's just that she was so lonely, she must have been so lonely. Maybe she needed him, maybe she needed that, even if you were just a mistake. But you don't remember her at all do you?" Terra said almost emotionless but curious as a child.  
"I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU KNOW ANY OF THIS BUT SHUT UP!" Raven screamed, pain and hurt flooding her body. She backed farther away from Terra as pieces of the roof started to crack and fall into the water with deep splashes. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!"  
  
"Don't be so angry Raven this isn't my fault now is it?" Terra said wickedly but absolutely calm.  
  
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" Raven commanded as Terra walked closer and closer to her. Meanwhile Beast Boy heard a scream from the roof with his extreme animal hearing and his eyes shot open. He looked up. Raven was gone. He heard the screaming again and rushed to the door but it was somehow locked.  
  
"Well, well, it looks like the little cold hearted gothic girl has some feelings huh? What else are you hiding? You're hiding from me...I know it..." Terra continued to walk toward Raven as she walked backwards. Large chunks of the ceiling started to crumble and lift into the air, some dropping into the ocean, others smashing onto the roof. Terra dodged the rocks as best she could and then smiled evilly. "FOOL! I have the power to control and manipulate earth!" "That's not ALL you manipulate!" Raven screamed back at her and Terra gained control over some of the rocks. They began to throw them at one another, dust stinging their lungs and pebbles scraping their skin. There was a bubble of light surrounding them trapping the sound of battle within itself, only a soft tapping and ringing escaped it's barrier, and only Beast Boy could hear.  
  
Beast Boy tugged at the door knob and heard the noises even louder than before, he knew something terrible was happening on the roof and he had to do something NOW. But he was locked in Raven's room, what could he do, he wasn't as strong as Cyborg!  
"Waaaiiiittt..." Beast Boy said and slapped his head. "Duh!" He quickly morphed into a mouse and crawled through the door, he then morphed into a hawk and flew down the hallways and up the stairs. He reached the roof and turned back into his human form. He let in a large gasp of air as he saw Raven and Terra fighting a deadly battle with rock and surrounded by blinding light. "Raven! Terra! What's going on?!" BeastBoy shouted at the top of his lungs but they couldn't hear him. BeastBoy ran to them shouting for them to stop fighting but their battle cries were stronger than his voice. The rocks flew randomly around smashing into things and hitting Raven and Terra. Suddenly raven heard BeastBoy's voice crying out in her mind and she turned in shock to see him. Terra looked over and saw him too but she quickly turned back to raven to attack at her weakest moment. Terra, with all the strength in her mind, lifted up a huge bolder and threw it at Raven. Beast Boy Yelled for Raven to duck and she did but it was almost too late for her, it was like a miracle. But it was too late for Beast Boy. Terra built a strong anger in her towards him, for helping Raven.  
"Don't you love ME?! DOESN'T ANY ONE LOVE ME! WHAT THE HELL AM I ALIVE FOR ANYWAY! IT WAS ALL JUST FOR YOU! DAMNED LITTLE YOU!" Terra screamed and the bolder that almost hit Raven floated back into the air and thrust itself onto BeastBoy.  
  
Author note: btw sorry if it's short, I really don't know if it is, you see it looks much longer on my computer when it's on word. I wanted to leave it with a little suspense you see, and I would've made it longer but I'm going on vacation tomorrow and I have to pack, I wont be back for 4 days so that's giving you a lot of time to review, and then, of course, I will continue the story. Please review it'll only take a minute! And thanx for reading! PS, some things in my story are based on poems I've written, if you want me to post the poems just tell me and I will, ok? 


	5. She's Dead Inside

If this is a repeat chapter I'm sorry but it seems as though it said it had all my five chapters and then it only had 4, and then when I checked it today it only had 4 and SAID it only had 4, so I will have to try and add the 5th once again Author Note: I know I'm not gonna miss the new TT episode with the evil Terra in it this Saturday, will you? It's moved to 8pm Toonami for all of you who don't know, I'd hate for any one to miss it. Now back to the story, sorry I haven't been on for a few days I was on vacation, but I was thinking about the story a lot and I have some new ideas, and a poem that I might post eventually cause it explains some stuff. I have some treats coming up in the future for all of you that like drama and romance. -Btw I've been writing this for two days this is the second day, I just wanna say I have the song Broken in my head by Amy Lee and Seether, you should listen to it, but if you're like me don't listen to it while reading this cause it takes away from the story, that's what songs with words do, if you want good wordless music to listen to while reading this go to windows media player and listen to Robert Miles-Children, really good suggestion, I listened to it in some parts while writing. And once again, this story will continue even with the supposed conclusion to the Terra trilogy part of the Teen Titans this Saturday.  
  
It happened so fast and ended so soon. The bolder plunged its weight onto BeastBoy's tiny torso. It took the breath from his lungs and dug into his flesh. He could feel the sharp pain of his ribs breaking like twigs under the mass rock, and Raven could feel her heart break. His scream echoed for miles into the air, bleeding in it's shrill of excruciating aching, crushing his means of physical life to bits...was it too late? Raven's first reaction was to run to him praying that he was still alive, failing to keep the tears from rushing out of her eyes onto her cold cheeks. But then she did what she'd do if it were anyone, she grabbed hold of the bolder with her powers, the gargantuan rock surrounded by a black aura. Then attempted to lift the bolder but it was too heavy for her alone, especially with the weakness she had trembling in her skin from her emotions.  
  
"Terra, you need to help! NOW!" Raven shouted.  
  
"Why on Earth would I help you? This is, after all YOUR fault!" Terra said and laughed wickedly.  
  
"How is it my fau- you know what Terra I don't care! Just help me save him that's all that matters! Don't you love him? Or was that a lie too?!" Raven said through her clenched teeth, her muscles tense with concentration but the bolder seemed unbeatable and Terra seemed unreachable. But Raven gave it everything she had, every muscle in her body stung, her heart ached, her lungs tight and hard to breath through. Terra watched Raven's pain and her strength of heart, at first she laughed at how pathetic Raven looked, so small and helpless, but then something took hold of her heart. What was it called, was it shame? Pity? Sympathy? Was it a recognition and respect for Raven, or a jealousy of how strong her heart was? Terra didn't know why that tear slipped down her dusty cheek but it did. Raven screamed in her agony as miraculously she lifted the rock a couple inches from Beast Boy's chest and sent it flying into the river. Terra could only stand there, stunned, astonished. She couldn't move. How could Raven be so strong when the task seemed so impossible? Terra wondered if she herself could have done it or if she would have just given up. Terra hated Raven even more now, was she stronger than Terra? Moving rock wasn't even her power!  
  
Raven collapsed to the ground, so weak and powerless, but regardless of her pain she crawled over to Beast Boy and grabbed him in her arms. Raven started to cry onto his shoulder as she was soaked in his blood. She could feel his heart beat, very faintly but it was there. She closed her eyes and kissed him, breathing into his body trying to give him what little air she had in her lungs. Raven drifted into a sleep, not really a sleep but another world, another dimension. Her and Beast Boy were thrust into that other world, floating and locked in embrace. Purple light swirled around them and their bodies were numb to all the pain they felt inside. Beast Boy's aura was very faint and small, it flickered like a candle in the wind as if it was slowly fading away. Raven's aura was still very much alive though it flickered weakly as well. She breathed into him, giving him some of her life. Raven touched her hand to his chest and a bright light at her fingertips began to heal his internal damage. Raven began to sing a song with no words, an angelic chant too beautiful to describe. It was as rhythmical as the wind, as tranquil as the rain, as lovely as the harp and as powerful as her love. Tears released themselves from her eyes and she let them, they floated in the air and rested on Beast Boy's wounds.  
  
By now all the Titans still in the tower were awake and had discovered the sounds were coming from the roof, they all ran up the stairs and pushed open the door. They all fell silent to the sight they held in vision. Terra was on the floor like she'd fallen, her hands holding her slightly above the ground behind her and her body trembling in frightful short gasps. Raven and Beast Boy were surrounded in purple light and mist floating higher and higher above the ground. They were lying in the air in the same position they'd been on before when they were on the roof. The gentle, powerful, angelic song was thrust from Raven's lungs with all the power of her voice, and she was crying. It Began to drizzle and the soft rain tapped on the ground. Raven's plum glowing hair swayed in the breeze, both her and Beastboy's bodies glowed a strange light. Starfire gasped as she noticed the blood on Beast Boy's chest.  
  
"He's hurt..." She whispered. She wasn't familiar with the culture of Earth or the laws of it's gravity but she knew this wasn't usual. Raven and Beast Boy were by now very high in the sky. It began to rain harder.  
  
In Raven's dream world there was a soft rain as well, it seemed to cleanse their souls.  
  
"Raven..." Beast Boy whispered. "My angel..." He opened his eyes halfway and saw her face, her mouth moving to the melody, her expression filled with love and pain. Beast Boy could feel his heart begin to heal and his lungs could finally grasp air. "My beautiful...broken angel..." he whispered again and then his eyes dropped once more as he drifted into a dreamless slumber, all that was there was the sound of Raven's signing, echoing for miles in his mind.  
  
Raven and Beast Boy began to drift slowly back down from the sky and landed softly onto the roof. Raven sung one last note very calmly and quietly and then her head dropped onto the ground. All was too silent then as every one just stared at the sleeping Raven and Beast Boy on the ground. A couple minutes past of the plain staring and the exchange of glances and the ear piercing silence. Finally Robin walked over to Raven and beast Boy and kneeled down to look at them.  
  
"BeastBoy's ok but he's still badly hurt, we should take him to the medical wing of our lab very quickly, and Raven looks like she could really use some fresh oxygen." Robin announced. "Cyborg, why don't you carry them to the medical wing, Starfire, you should go help him. They nodded and Cyborg picked Raven and Beast Boy's motionless bodies up and began to walk down the stairs followed by Starfire. Robin turned around and walked to Terra offering her a hand of assistance to get up but she backed away still trembling, confused and somehow angry as well. Robin sat down on his feet so his head was level with Terra's.  
  
"Terra, would you mind telling me what happened here?" Robin asked staring straight into her soulless eyes.  
  
"A-a-re you accusing me of something?!" Terra asked loudly in annoyance, still shaking.  
  
"Not at all but it would be really helpful if you could tell us what happened, you were obviously here and you're the only one capable of communicating right now. How Did Beast Boy and Raven get so badly hurt, and why are you a little scratched up as well?" Robin asked straight forward. But Terra huddled up into a ball and hugged her legs.  
  
"I didn't DO ANYTHING! NOTHING happened! Raven is just so MESSED UP is all! That's all! It's all her fault! She caused all of this! SO DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME THAT WAY!" Terra screamed defensively. But this wasn't good enough for Robin.  
  
"Terra, I'm not attacking you, I just want to know what happened, what did Raven do?" Robin asked loosing his patience.  
  
"She killed me..." Terra whispered and then turned her head to Robin. "Can't you see that...I'm dead inside?..." Terra asked as tears poured down her cheeks. Robin sighed and decided it was hopeless asking Terra anything. He saw the pain shaken look in her eyes and decided she had to be alone for a bit. He stood up.  
  
"When you want to talk, tell me. Ok?" Robin asked calmly, and then slowly walked away and down the stairs. Leaving the blond headed girl to herself, to wallow in the empty bottomless pit that was her soul. Terra waited until Robin had left and then screamed in such an agony you'd think the angels would give her pity, or at least they would if she hadn't done what she'd done.  
  
Raven and Beast Boy were rushed into the medical room and placed on small white beds. Cyborg quickly cleaned BeastBoy's cuts and Starfire wrapped them in white bandages. Cyborg then checked Beast Boy's breathing, his heart beat and his pulse as Starfire did the same with Raven. Raven and BeastBoy were then connected to a machine that assured them proper amounts of their needed oxygen. Starfire went off to see what Robin was doing but Cyborg stayed, he sat in a creamy white cushioned chair in the corner of the room and watched the two Titans sleep soundless in their beds. Cyborg listened to the door slowly squeek and then shut as Starfire flew down the hallway. 'They have to be ok...' he thought. 'they just have to...' Beast Boy wasn't only his team member but his best friend. They had had so much fun playing games and telling secrets and joking together. Then he looked to Raven. He had a certain connection to Raven as well, a certain friendship, since the day he had entered her mind he had noticed her more, seen her pain. Then there was that time when she understood how important his car was to him, he knew it wasn't a big deal she would have helped the other team members too, but. But he just felt this yearning to understand her and to be there for her. He watched them sleep so silently and peacefully, and a hurt surged through Cyborg's soul. It hit him then, that these were the two people most dearest to him, and here they were half dead. Cyborg clenched his fists and bit his lip, it was too painful to watch them. He slowly lifted himself up and without looking away from them he walked out of the room to get a glass of water.  
  
Terra walked down the stairs to the roof, holding herself like she was freezing to death. She entered the medical wing and then opened the door to the room where Beast Boy and Raven were healing. She walked over to Beast Boy and stared down at him with regret. Then she bent over and kissed his soft green cheek. She looked at him painfully wondering how she ever brought herself to hurt him. She then walked over to Raven and her eyes cringed. 'This would never have happened if it weren't for you Raven, and I wish you were never born...' Terra looked at Raven's pale white face and at the oxygen mask attached to it. Terra lifted her hand to Raven's face and paused, then she quickly removed the mask from Raven and threw it on the floor. It landed with a plop on the hard floor as Terra ran to the door and threw it open, running and crying her way all the way back up to the roof. Terra ran to the edge of the roof overlooking the ocean. Without hesitating she let out a deep cry of pain and lunged herself off of the roof, her stomach down and her arms spread, like she expected to fly. Her skinny body smashed hard on the surface of the water sending fire through her veins. She slowly sank down onto the ocean floor and just lied there letting the air in her lungs escape her body and float in bubbles up to the surface. It all went blurry to her, the whole world, black. Flash backs of her life slowly relived themselves in her mind. After each memory showed up, it lost itself, and she tried to remember it she really did but she couldn't. It was gone.  
  
"You can't die! You're already dead, and the process isn't complete! You will be fully dead Terra you just have to wait, and then you will belong to me..." A deep voice said entering her mind. "I won't let you die until you have fulfilled your promise to me!" The voice shouted. The voice was familiar but it frightened Terra. And slowly she began to remember, slowly she began to breathe, she could feel her heart go back into pulse and she could taste the salty water in her mouth. Terra opened her eyes and woke up on the shore, sand sticking to her trembling soaking body.  
  
Raven woke up gasping for air and clutching her chest. She felt dizzy and dehydrated, hyperventilating. She tried to gain her breath back and she saw the oxygen mask on the floor. Raven bent over onto the floor and picked the breathing mask up weakly. She held it to her mouth and breathed the air in deeply several times. When she regained her stability she slowly and carefully lifted herself to her feet and put the oxygen mask down on a wooden table between the two beds. She saw Beast Boy, still safely sleeping. She walked over to him and kneeled next to his bed. Her warm pale hand touched his soft scraped face. A tear fell down from her eye sliding down her cold cheek, fogging her vision. Just then Cyborg was walking down the hallway back to the room, he'd nearly reached the door.  
  
"How could she...Terra...she did this to you...how could she hurt you when she claimed to love you, how could she betray us...?" Raven asked filled with hatred and pain. Cyborg blinked curiously and surprised.  
  
"Why...how? Did Terra do this to him?" Cyborg asked through his deep shaky voice. Ravens body jumped with shock as her violet crystal eyes drew themselves to Cyborg whom look stunned standing in the doorway. "You can tell me anything Rae. How did Beast Boy and you get hurt?" He said warmly. She bit her lip as Cyborg walked next to her and helped her off the floor. It was painful to talk about it, but she told him the whole thing. She told him how she found Terra floating in the sky, and how she hurt Raven with words of her past, she told him how the fight started, and how Beast Boy wound up being the victim because of some unknown grudge Terra had against something. Then she told him how she healed him, but left out everything in it that involved the love she had for Beast Boy. She was very insecure about that. Cyborg just knodded his head in understanding and then they both looked over at the hurt Beast Boy still sleeping. Cyborg dragged Raven into a hug.  
  
"Don't worry Raven you did all you could, you saved him, he'd be dead right now if you hadn't saved him." Cyborg said trying to comfort her.  
  
"I should have never gone up to the roof in the first place." Raven whispered as Cyborg held her tightly.  
  
"How were you to know?" He whispered back and then he smiled slightly at her. "Don't worry raven, everything's going to be ok, you'll see." And at that moment she believed it, maybe somehow, some way, everything would be alright...  
  
Robin ran into the room gasping. "Terra's gone!" He said. Cyborg and Raven jumped apart. "We have to find her!" Robin commanded and they all nodded, Terra disappearing right now seemed too dangerous, they had to know where she was. They all scattered about the tower and began searching. Raven flew outside and floated above everything, scanning the ocean with her darting eyes until finally she found a sighn of life on the shore. Raven's hands clenched into fists, her nails digging into her palms. She slowly flew closer and closer to the blond object until she was right beside her. Raven quickly grabbed Terra's hands and forced them behind her back, her grip tight to make sure Terra couldn't escape again.  
  
"Terra tell me what's going on NOW." Raven shouted forcefully, she was fed up with all the things Terra had kept from every one. Terra just sighed painfully in defeat.  
  
"I think I should let it out now that you mention it...everything has been harboring on my fragile breaking back and I just...have to tell someone. It involves you, I suppose you have a right to know." Terra said. She dropped her blue eyed gaze to the ground. Raven waited for Terra's explanation. "A while ago after I left for the first time, I went to train with Slade. I know that was wrong for me to do but I felt so alone and I wanted to finally control myself. Maybe if I could control myself you guys would like me, and maybe Beast Boy would love and trust me..." Terra paused as if she was remembering something terrible. Raven loosened her grip but still held terra strongly. She knew it, she knew Terra went behind their backs, that she couldn't be trusted. "So I trained with Slade and I felt good, really good cause I had control over my powers." Terra closed her eyes. "But then Slade told me that I owed him for all he had done for me, so I agreed to do something in return, as long as it wouldn't be harmful to me. He told me the way I would repay him was to become his apprentice, and that doing that I would gain even better control of my powers and it would help Slade get whatever it was he wanted. It sounded like a good deal but...then he asked me to- to..." Terra just stopped talking.  
  
"Go on Terra, tell me the rest." Raven spoke calmly. Terra breathed in some fresh air.  
  
"He wanted me to destroy all of you. At first I was so upset by this that I refused to even consider it but then he showed me tapes of you guys. He said you didn't miss me and that no one cared for me. I argued and said that surely Beast Boy had to care for me at least a little but he told me no. He said Beast Boy's heart was already captured by...you, Raven. He showed me tapes, of you two together, laughing, fighting, talking, joking. You both seemed so happy and it made me really angry." Terra's voice got a little louder and upset. "More than anything, I hated you Raven. I hated you so much." Terra paused again to take in deep breathes of air, like just remembering could tare her life away. Raven's eyebrows creased together, she felt so confused. Was this her fault, just because she loved Beast Boy? No, it was Terra's fault for taking it too harshly. Right?  
  
"So I agreed, I said I would help him destroy all of you. My heart felt so bitter and cold that I just didn't care about anything any more. Slade showed me a trust that no one else had ever showed me before, he offered me a partnership, and perhaps one day I could be as great and powerful as him." Hearing this made Raven feel sick to her stomach. "So I started my mission that was carefully designed to annihilate you all. I came back here and fulfilled the first step of my plan, gaining your trust. I knew it would be easy to gain the trust of every one else Raven but I never even expected to gain trust from you. Beast Boy seemed to still like me, a lot, and every one else seemed so kind and everything...but then I gained your trust Raven, you, the person I hated most out of every one claimed to actually trust me. It should have been perfect you know, it would have been really perfect but, I knew I was expected to destroy you and I couldn't take that. I couldn't hurt you after that..." Terra paused again. Raven just stood there shocked, she didn't know what to say. "And then...what happened...was..." Terra couldn't seem to finish off her sentence. They both just stood there for the longest minute of their lives.  
  
"Terra...you don't have to tell me. Just remember." Raven said and as she said that she released Terra's hands and touched both of her palms to the sides of Terra's head. A dark purple blue light surrounded them as Raven hummed. Their feet lifted from the ground ever so slightly and they levitated by an inch above the golden sand. Raven connected her mind with Terra's and dove into the memory that Terra couldn't let go of.  
  
===Memory===  
  
Terra slowly crept out of her new room and tiptoed down the hallway. She stopped at the stairs to the roof and slowly walked up. She reached the door and as best she could tried to open and close it without a sound. She knew what she had to do. Perspiration wet Terra's ice cold face, her breathing was unsteady and her pulse picked up its pace. She walked to the edge of the roof resting her fingertips on the freezing stoned keeping her from falling. But it wouldn't keep her any more. She looked across the diamond shimmering sea and at the beautiful milky moon's reflection. She raised her head to the sky and the countless stars staring down at her. This would be the last sight she saw, the last breath, she was going to do it, she was going to jump. A voice battled her in her head. 'Terra you can't die now, you have so much to live for! So much that you'll miss if you're gone!'  
  
"The only things I'll miss will be the troubled faces of my friends before they die, the heartbroken stare of Beast Boy when he finds out I've betrayed him, the cold piercing glare of Raven when she finds out she was right all along about me...cause she is right...I'm worth nothing...I just destroy all that I love...I don't deserve to be here any more!" Terra whispered and clenched her fists. But before she could step up onto the edge of the roof a large cold hand grabbed her neck from behind her. It was Slade, he had come to capture her. She gasped and tried to break his hold of her but she couldn't so she lifted one of the tiles from the roof with her mind and smashed it into his face, he let go of her for a moment and then quickly chased her across to the other side of the roof, she dodged his attacks and before he could grab her again she jumped off the side of the roof head first as if to dive. Slade reached out for her ankle but he missed it by and inch, so Terra just kept on falling as she heard the words uttered from Slade's mouth "I'll just have to destroy your little boyfriend FOR YOU!" Terra's glass heart shattered inside of her chest at that moment before she hit the water and she wished she could take it all away, that she could just rewind everything that ever happened, she wanted to live. But it was too late. Her small frail body hit flat onto the surface of the water but she could barely feel the stinging isolating pain, it was all so fast, the water pouring into her throat as she tried to breathe. She couldn't move any more and the salt stung her eyes and blinded them. Her lungs filled up with the salt water poison, the cure to her existence, the death to her soul. She was so numb she couldn't feel herself drowning, she was oblivious to everything But Slade's words and the bleeding regret of her soul, she could see Beast Boy's eyes appear in her head, overtaken with despair and anger. She could feel herself let go of all she had held onto as he faded away and a bright light drowned her soul, then a deep darkness.  
  
Terra's soul awoke and realized that it sat in something's hand. It was the large red had of Trigon, Raven's Father. But Terra couldn't feel anything at all, her body was dead, she just had this awareness of where she was and all she felt and knew, but she couldn't feel anything physically. She had no hands, no eyes, no flesh, it was so weird and uncomfortable for her. All four of Trigon's piercing yellow eyes stared at Terra's soul, a bright yellow light. Seeing her father took Raven so much by surprise that she pulled back in a silent scream.  
  
Raven and Terra were back where they were before, on the shore beside the ocean. Raven was gasping for air and Terra just stared at the ground. Raven finally caught her breath.  
  
"Wh-what happened? Why did you see my Father, what did he do with you?" Raven asked Terra.  
  
"Your father told me that he could see I wished more than anything to be alive again so that I could protect Beast Boy. He told me that in exchange for the goodwill and purity of my soul he would grant me this wish. I would get to come back to life and return to Titan's Tower as if I had never killed myself, I could spend time with Beast Boy and my friends and protect him from Slade but the catch was, it would only be for a limited time. Every night I would have to go back up to the roof where I had jumped and die a little more each time. Each night he would take a piece of my soul away, and once all the goodness of my soul was devoured, I would have to die, but only then could I die, and only one person could kill me before I destroy everything in my path. He told me after I died again only the evilness and remaining of my soul would be left, and that I could not inherit a body with half a soul, so I would have to wonder the universe, without a body, for the rest of existence. He asked if I understood this, and I said yes. Because I couldn't think about any of that right then, only that if I didn't do it, Beast Boy would die. So I agreed that I would do this."  
  
"Every time I go up to the roof to have a part of my soul taken away, I join my soul with Trigon's. As this happens I see all of his memories, I feel everything that he felt and see everything that he saw. I saw what happened with your Mother Raven. She was all alone in the world and angry at everything, she didn't believe in God anymore." Terra looked at Raven with pity. "So she joined a cult, it turned out to be a demon cult. She worked her way up to the top in this cult and became very powerful though she was only human. She fell madly in love with Trigon, the ruler of the cult, and together they had a love child. That child was you. But after that your mother found out that Trigon was a terrible evil demon. He tried to steel you away from her, so he could teach you to be evil, but she fought him to keep you because you were her baby. Trigon said he would come back for you someday and you were left with your Mother. But as time went on she saw that parts of Trigon were in you as well, and you had powers that destroyed everything in your path, every time you cried, or laughed, earthquakes would terrorize the city. She saw that you were dangerous and desperately tried to kill you but it was impossible so she killed herself. You were left alone as a baby when your father came back for you and trained you on your Planet Azarath, where you grew up. The village people finally faught him away from their planet but they saved and raised you." Terra finally finished and took a couple deep breathes of air, trying to hold back her tears.  
  
Terra turned her head to Raven to see her reaction and it was pure astonishment, pity, and sorrow. Tears fell from Raven's eyes, she was really just a mistake, her own Mother wanted to kill her...Terra felt terrible for Raven and then wished she hadn't brought it up. So they just stood there feeling sorry for themselves and one another. They held a gaze of understanding for what seemed like a long time.  
  
"Raven...I would really, appreciate it if...you didn't tell any one about this...and maybe...just until I go, you could let me be with Beast Boy..." raven just stared back at her in disbelief. Sure Terra couldn't help it if she was being sucked the goodness of her soul, but it meant she would become more and more dangerous every day, and she had already hurt Beast Boy badly, almost to his death.  
  
"Terra, take this responsibly, you can't let yourself be alone with him, or any one for that matter, or you could cause terrible harm to them." Raven spoke very seriously.  
  
"I know, I know...but there's this dance at Club Boom in a couple nights, it's teen night and it sounds really fun...Beast Boy will probably be healed by then...I was thinking we could all go...maybe I could have one last dance with Beast Boy, and tons of people will be there, even you if you want." Terra said with hope shimmering in her eyes. Raven thought about this.  
  
'Me? Out clubbing? Those words just don't fit together...But I know Terra's going to convince every one to go...and if she does, I will certainly have to go and keep an eye on her...and there's the fact that she'll be dancing with Beast Boy.' Thinking about that made Raven sick to her stomach. She couldn't let this whole pity thing get to her, Terra still wanted to hurt Raven, she still almost killed Beast Boy, and she did betray them all with Slade. Not even death could change that. 'What do I owe her?' Raven thought.  
  
"No...no I don't think so Terra, it doesn't sound like such a good idea." Raven said while shaking her head no. Terra just stared at her with a hurt expression. They just stared at each other for another minute.  
  
Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg, all met each other at the entrance to Titan's Tower.  
  
"It's hopeless, she probably just ran away again!" Cyborg said with frustration.  
  
"Cyborg is rite Robin, perhaps Terra is just gone." Starfire said with disappointment. "But where is our friend Raven?"  
  
"I don't know Starfire but I do know one thing, we are all together as a TEAM, we have to stick together and be there for eachother. This means that we can't just give up on our fellow teammates! Is that clear? We can't just stop looking because it seems im-"  
  
"Robin! Their over there." Cyborg cut him off and pointed to the shore where Raven and Terra were staring at one another. Robin looked embarrassed for a second but then he started to walk towards them fallowed by the others.  
  
"Terra! Raven! My good friends! We have been looking for you." Starfire said excitedly in her everyday cheery voice.  
  
"Well you found me!" Terra joked and looked quite relieved to see the others. She looked at Raven's emotionless expression and then back at the rest of the team. "Say, it looks like we could all use a little bit of fun, I was thinking. I heard about this club in a couple nights, BB should be healed by then, it's teen night and it really sounds like fun! I bet it would cheer him up a lot! So how bout it?" Terra asked excitedly. Everyone cheered and agreed, a party really sounded great right about now. Everyone cheered except for Raven, whom clenched her fists and gave Terra a death glare. Every one stared at Raven waiting for her response. Cyborg thought to himself about what Raven had told him about Terra and he felt he understood her anger.  
  
"Fine, I'll go..." Raven spoke, as if it were the most dreadful place in the world. Every one gave her a shocked look except for Terra who just looked a bit disappointed. Raven would be watching her the whole time. Every one walked back to the tower, all chattering about the party and what they'd wear and where they'd eat. All accept raven who stared at the ocean before entering the tower. That entire time thinking one thing to herself. 'I wish Terra just DIED...'  
  
Author note: Sorry it took so long, document manager isn't working right now so I don't know when I can get this in...Ok that's the end of the chapter, don't worry there's more coming soon, it's already planned in my head. Boy I'm glad that chapter's done I've worked on it for a few days and finally got everything I wanted out in it. By the way I saw the new episode, I will still continue the story and it will be quiet different from what really happens. I KNEW TERRA BETTRAYED THEM I KNEW IT! I wanted to cry at the end seeing BB like that...Even though no one asked for it, I'm gonna post a poem at the beginning of the next chapter that I wrote for this, it's not that long in case you hate poetry. COMMENT PLEASE!!! Comments are like a writer's energy bar! I need to know that people read my story amd have thoughts about it, or what am I posting it here for? Thanx to all the people that commented on the last chapter! You all ROCK!  
  
Forever More, RavenNevermore18 


	6. Brainwashed

Author note: Hi it's me again, remember me? Oh come on, surely you have to. Gawd I'm so sorry I haven't updated for a while, I've had this kind of writer's block or something and then this small period of time where I doubted my loyalty towards the Raven BB coupling, but don't worry that's over! If you forget the last chapter here's a short scoop: Raven saved BB, they were both hurt, she recovered and Terra confessed what she had done and what she had become, it also had bits of Raven's past and also put a teen night at the club situation that will come in a later chapter. It is so much better if you read it though I swear. So feel free to look back at it. Now for the chit chat that I love so much, I loved the last TT how bout you? It was nice comic relief especially from Raven. I got #12 of The New Teen Titans comic, so confusing since it's the only one I've ever read, but it's beautiful, it's the end to a four part Raven thing. Raven is actually BALD and there's actually a bit of Raven BB romance at the end! EEE! Oh and from the comic I learned stuff like the jewel on her head is a Chakra and Beast Boy's real name is Garfield Logan AKA Gar. You gotta read it!

(no Terra in it btw) Ok now read the story!

The night was dark and lonely as Raven stared out from the window, searching through the stars but only stars were there. There was no moon on this night. Raven just stared out at the stars and wondered how long they'd been there shining, they seemed close together, like they just needed to move a couple inches to flirt with one another, but in reality they were so far apart, galaxies away from one another. Seemingly surrounded by so many just like them but they were so alone. 'Yet...they still have the light to shine...' Raven thought. Then she looked at the flashing lights, plains, man made objects pretending to be falling stars, surely no one could wish on creatures so dead and shamed, never alive, just cold metal.

"Raven, the pizza's here, why don't you join us for Dinner?" Robin asked Raven, interrupting her thoughts. An empty feeling of hunger rumbled in her stomach at the mention of food, but the thought of food now made her sick. She couldn't eat. Not when Beast boy was still hurt, he couldn't eat, why should she? It was all her fault anyway... 'no it was Terra's fault Raven, you can't blame yourself, you did all you could, you saved his life.' The voice in Raven's head corrected her.

"No I'm not that hungry..." Raven said sadly.

"Raven you haven't eaten all day! It's not healthy, you have to eat something!" Cyborg explained looking extremely worried.

"Yes, he is right Raven, come feast with us on this delightful cheese and sauce coated bread." Starfire chirped in. Raven just sighed and gave into her hunger, Beast Boy wouldn't want her to be so weak and frail from starving herself, what if he needed her? She just nodded her head and walked over to the table. She went through the whole dinner without talking. The weak hungry girl just eat her one slice of plain cheese pizza as fast as she could, and then excused herself from the table. It wasn't much to eat for her hungry soul, but it dropped down to the pit of her stomach and she was content with this, no longer feeling the burning hunger and threat of falling. Raven was about to fly to her room but she stopped for a second. She didn't feel like wallowing in her misery right now, not alone. So Raven took another slice of pizza and wrapped in a flower decorated napkin from the table. The warm slice of pizza seemed to sooth raven's cold bitter hands as she walked her way down the white walled hallways that led to the room. The room that held Beast Boy's body. It almost drove her insane listening to the constant pattern off tapping and tapping that her feet made, and the endless white hallway that led to her damaged angel. The hallway wasn't really that long, but it seemed to just go on and on, tile to tile, until finally she reached the door.

For a couple seconds she just stood there staring at the door, how could such a simple door with a simple frame and a simple color, white, hold behind it something so...simply just so complicated and beautiful. Raven opened the door with a slight creek, and then gently shut it behind her. She was welcomed by the sight of the green changeling sleeping silently in a hospital bed, breathing through a mask. Raven noticed that everything... everything was so white. It was enough to drive a completely sane person into a fit of hysteria. So Raven walked over to the window and opened it, letting in the light gleam of the stars in the sky. She spotted some flowers way below her on the island ground and picked them up with her mind. She brought the creamy lavender bouquet of wild flowers into her hands and put them in an empty vase on the little table beside Beast Boy's bed. A smile spread across her face as she looked at what she'd done, vibrant color blooming and glowing before her eyes.

Raven then remembered the pizza. She unwrapped the napkin in her hands and threw it into a little a little garbage can. She stood there for a few seconds holding the pizza, wondering if he would be ok without his breathing mask on for a bit, and if he was awake enough to eat yet. Raven knelt beside Beast Boy's bed and touched the mask with her fingertips.

"BB?" Raven whispered in his ear. "Beast Boy....are you with me?" She asked him, looking for any sign that he could hear her.

===Beast Boy's Dream===

He was floating in that purple highlighted sky, his soul reaching out farther than his body, he could feel it ache. But the singing of his angel captured his ever being. How could she be so beautiful? They floated in the abyss and it felt so heavenly that he felt his heart would hopp out of his throat and fly away like butterfly. A butterfly that had been freed from the dark clasp of a child's hands, reaching towards the golden sky. The child would laugh with joy and wish he could fly too, to the stars in the sky so he could wish every night, every time one had fallen.

Suddenly Beast Boy heard voices, Tera's voice, screaming in pain, drowned in a flow of evil, screams of Raven, painfully trying to escape the pain that was slowly killing her, but she screamed not for herself, but for him...His body shuttered and shivered. Every scream sent a bolt of anguish crying through his body that stung his chest. A squeak escaped his lips.

Do not worry yourself my young lover. Be at peace with yourself, don't let the allusions get to you. He heard Raven's voice and looked to her beautifully cloaked figure, like an angel hovering beside him. He turned to her and clutched his side trying to center and concentrate the pain out of his weak body. He finally gathered enough energy to do so, and the pain was gone. But it left this tired hollow feeling in his muscles. She held him so he wouldn't fall, and sent warmth and energy into his body.

"Dance with me..." She spoke softly and he nodded his head. They gently wrapped their arms around one another and began a small waltz in the sky. Gliding in thin air, lost in a gaze between one another in coats of velvet, lavender light. She began to sing again, the same tune but softer, as if a whisper just for him. He felt like he was flying with his feet, singing silently with his soul, he could feel that butterfly spread its whimsical wings and soar in the rapture of a moment. There wasn't anything he could have wished for right then, a thousand stars could have fallen around him and the only thing he would have wished for would be that Raven could be his, forever, and that nothing would ever hurt her. He heard a gentle water fall in the background, thrusting everything into bliss. There was a soft drizzle, glowing amethyst rain drops caressed their bodies.

-------out of dream—"Beast Boy? Where are you?" Raven whispered as tears fell from her eyes onto his soft green skin.-----

Everything seemed perfect. He was a king, she was his Queen, he didn't need anything. Well he thought so...Her singing became lighter and lighter until there was a silence. All that was heard was the light rain tapping against their bodies. she leaned forward onto him, and their lips touched. Beast Boy's Butterfly flew far away towards Heaven, if there was such a place that wasn't this. He touched his warm hand to her cold cheek and then lowered the hood to her cape. He saw Raven's beautiful face and looked through half open eyes into her creamy violet eyes, the gate way to her soul, he thought. And then they both closed their eyes once again for a sweet kiss.

"Stay with me, for always." She said, their eyes still closed, but when he opened his eyes to gaze once more into hers...He saw; The face of Terra staring back at him. Her face took him by surprise, her piercing eyes staring him down like the face of a huntress. Determined. He saw no soul in her eyes, just a bottomless hole of emptiness. The clouds began to darken as he tried to break away from her hold, too startled for words. A feeling of regret weighed him down and he wondered how he'd been so blind to get himself caught in her trap.

"What's wrong BB I thought you loved me huh? Why are you backing away now? Is it her? Is it Raven you really love? She doesn't really love you, you know...you're just a friend to her! And even if she DID love you, someone else loves her. So she doesn't need you. But you need me, Beast Boy. And I need you. So why don't you stay a while huh?" Terra spoke harshly. But he didn't answer her, he couldn't, he didn't know how. "What now you can't speak to me any more?! Come on BB wake up! Wake up and smell the air!" But Beast Boy did smell the air...and it had the familiar stench of, blood. Fresh blood.

"It can't be true Terra, it just can't be..."

"I'M the only one that loves you! The only one that ever loved you, and ever cared about you, and ever wanted you! You need me! You love me! I know you do! And I love You BeastBoy! With all of my HEART and my SOUL and my BLOOD! What more can you ask for?! I'm only here for you. Because I'm alive for you, my miserable little world is built around YOU, because YOU are the only...person...that ever cared about me...No one else trusted me, or loved me...No one but you BB, don't take that away from me..." She screamed and added with a gasps of air. She started to cry, burning tears leaked from her eyes and she just let it all out.

"Terra?" Was all he said. He stared at her, watching her body collapse onto a cloud, weak and trembling. He was so shocked, he didn't know she felt that way, but at the same time a deep hurt sank into his heart. Raven didn't love him? Did he really like Raven much, maybe it wasn't anything, besides she had some one else. That's what Terra said. Why would Terra want to hurt him? She loved him didn't she? But then he remembered, she did hurt him, she nearly killed him, and the one to save him was-

Terra stared into his eyes, her own lighting up with a bright scorching light. She focused on him and he was caught in her stare. Just then he forgot all that, how she'd hurt him, how Raven saved him, everything he felt for Raven. It was now gone, if not gone sent straight to the very back of his mind. Like the memories just perished, to him they never happened. All that ever happened was Terra, his only love. She stood up and they walked into an embrace. A wicked smile plastered onto her face, she knew what she had done.

BeastBoy felt happy but he couldn't think at all, everything was blank accept for Terra. Just then he felt the air in his lungs empty out, and he began to choke violently. He gasped for air but it was to no use, he could feel himself peel away from that world, it was getting blurrier and blurrier.

"Beast Boy stop! Don't you leave me again! I'm tired of being alone BB! Stay with me! Gawd damn it stay WITH ME!!!" The plead of Terra faded away in echoes as his eyes slowly opened to a world so bright and real, with heavy air.

-------------------------------Reality-----------------------------------------

"Gar?! Are you---ok?! Beast Boy?!" Raven yelled and looked into his tired emerald eyes. They hadn't been open for, so long. He caught his breath and began to breathe normally once more. His gaze shifted around the room and then landed back on Raven.

"Gar? There's a name I haven't heard in a while, no one's called me my real name since....since...." He tried to look around the block in his mind but his memory was still chipped. He just let it fly away and turned his head to the flowers. "Their really pretty, thanks, I can't stand all this white." Raven smiled

"Neither could I." She replied. But she noticed something different in his eyes, something missing, a light that wasn't there. Beast Boy looked at her once more but whenever he saw her he felt this hole of nothingness in his heart and it hurt so much. He had no idea why, but it really hurt to look at her.

"Where's Terra?" He whispered to Raven but looked up at the ceiling.

"BB I know your hurt, and you probably want to know what was happening on the roo-"

"Where is my beloved Terra?" He asked again. This took Raven by surprise, she just stared blankly at him. "I don't understand the problem where is my Terra?!" He asked again now frustrated. Tears swelled up in Raven's eyes, why did he want to see her...had he really forgotten what she'd done to him, did he have a concussion?

"But Terra, she hurt you, so badly, do you-"

"Raven I don't care about whatever you say she did to me because I love her...I need her Raven, and she needs me...but you don't understand that do you? You never needed any one." Frustration grew in his mind. Raven placed the pizza on the table and ran out of that room, tears escaping her confused and lonely eyes. Had that really been BeastBoy in there? Her BeastBoy? It couldn't be could it, but who else could it be. Raven walked to Terra's room with a jealous painful look on her face, she didn't want Terra to be with Beast Boy but, that was what he really wanted, it would make him happy...and Raven was so tired of seeing him miserable. She opened the door slightly and peeked in at a sleeping Terra sprawled across her bed.

"Terra?" Raven said and waited for a reaction. "TERRA?" Raven said louder, she didn't want to be there long. Terra jumped up awake panting.

"Wha-what? Huh?" She jumped to her feet and then shifted her wide eyed gaze to Raven. When she saw Raven she seemed to calm down.

"B-east-Boy...wants to see you..." Was all raven could choke out. Her fists clenched and she bit on her bottom lip. Terra smiled happily teeth and all and ran out of the room to see him.

"Thanx Rae!" She shouted behind her shoulder and continued down the hallway. Raven twitched and watched Terra's body fade down the hallway. Thinking about Terra and Beast Boy alone together was too much for Raven, it seemed too dangerous. So Raven silently floated down the hallway until she reached the medical room. She peeked in and saw Terra and BeastBoy in a tight embrace. "It's going to be ok BB I'm here for you..." Terra whispered in his ear.

"What happened to me?" He asked. Raven stared at his weak curious body, he really had forgotten.

"You just fell down the stairs is all...it'll be fine..." Terra said with a troubled face, obviously hiding the truth from him but he was too blind to notice it. Raven's jaw dropped and then she closed her mouth biting her lip like she wanted it to bleed. 'That awful...terrible...girl...' Raven thought in her head.

"Are you hungry Beast Boy?" Terra asked. "You haven't eaten for a long time.

"Now that you mention it...I'm starving." He replied and smiled up at her. She smiled back and placed her hand on the pizza slice on the table. Terra lifted the pizza slice to Beast Boy's mouth and he began to eat it.

"Chew it slowly..." She advised as if she was a nurse or his Mother. The pizza tasted like the best thing in the world to that hungry little green boy and he finished every bite of it. "Guess you really were hungry." She added and they both laughed. Raven felt sick to her stomach. That was the pizza SHE had brought.

"I don't know how to thank you Terra, you always know what I need." Beast Boy whispered.

"No need to thank me...my honey." She whispered back and then leaned to kiss him. That was too much for Raven she turned around and leaned on the white wall so she couldn't see them. She opened her eyes again and saw Cyborg standing right in front of her.

"So what did I miss? Should I have brought popcorn or something, this is obviously more entertaining than the movie every one's watching in the living room." Cyborg commented and smiled at her. She smiled back weakly.

"It's just that, when their alone...I'm scared that she'll...hurt him again." She whispered trying to hide the pain she really felt inside from seeing them together. Cyborg nodded his head.

"I know Rae... you're a really good friend." He whispered back placing a hand on her shoulder. She nodded and looked at his face, glad there was one friend who could understand her. Maybe one day she'd trust him enough to tell him her feelings for Beast Boy. He gently took her small elegant hand in his and leaded her away from the room.

"You can't protect every one, Raven. You need to heal too, to be happy. Let's watch the movie with the others." She felt a deep sense in her that didn't want to go, to never leave Beast Boy's side. But she knew Cyborg was rite, she needed to relax for a bit. So they walked to the living room with the large TV and joined the others in a sci-fi movie marathon. They all had fun, the scary movies and the funny movies and the movies they related to or knew better than. Raven finally relaxed. She was so relaxed that by the end of watching AI she had fallen asleep on the couch. She wasn't dreaming of anything, she was just happy, content, warm, and slumberous. Terra walked back to her room along with Robin and Starfire. Cyborg got off of the couch as well but he noticed Raven in her deep silent sleep. He was too scared to bring her to her room so he bent down and opened a hidden draw at the side of the couch. Inside the draw lay a large fluffy quilt of many water colors. He held it in his hands, it was his Mother's, he took it out every time he was alone and too sick to fight with the others. The cloth seemed to have warmth so strong it reached his cold metal interior surgery. The cloth unfolded as he wrapped it around the softly breathing gothic doll that was Raven. She looked so sweet and peaceful, kind of cute clutching the cozy fluffy blanket around her. Like a little bunny rabbit. Wait? Raven, being compared to a bunny? Cyborg decided he was more tired than he thought and slowly began the short journey to his slumber chamber.

The next day would be a long day. Many things lay ahead of the Titans, a dance club, a confession, and the first battle they'd seen for a while...Though none of them knew it, soon, all of their lives would change for the good. In ways never imagined, never wanted. Everything is so much more complicated than it seems, love is a tricky, delicate flower. And it's never ready for the storm.

Raven smiled in her sleep. She had no idea.

Author note: Did you like it? Hope so. I can't wait to write the next chapter! But please, PLEASE review! It means SO much me! SO MUCH! I don't know why but it really does, thanx to all of you all that do review, you really give me the strength to keep writing, but when I don't get reviews it makes me really sad and I wonder why no one likes my story. But I really appreciate the people that do, I can't tell you about the killing Terra thing cause that would spoil it but the climax will be quite exciting I think you'll like it.

Forever More, RavenNevermore 18


	7. Revealed

Author Note: Hey I'm back, yea it took a while but don't forget school's back and it's pretty hard to find any spare time. I wanted tot take my time on this chapter and not rush with it. By the way this is my first chapter in Raven's perspective, I hope you like it, I wanted to try something new. There is a bit of a song fick in here, just a bit near the end, it's Smoke by Natalie Imbruglia.(it's good if you listen to the song while reading that part) If you hate song ficks you don't have to read the song parts. Well that's it, enjoy!

I woke up to footsteps when the Sun was still sleeping behind the moon. I realized then where I was, I had been sleeping on the coach for hours and I was snug beneath a toasty warm blanket. My eyes darted around the shadow coated room until they rested on what was the darkest object. The silver moon beams hit her golden hair as she began to walk to the stairway to the roof. It took me a couple seconds to fully regain my awareness and consciousness and finally I realized who she was and what she was doing. Though all the tired muscles in my body willed against it, I lifted myself from the comforting coach and stepped onto the carpet, shivers running throughout my body in the sudden change of temperature. I took to my first intuition and followed her.

"Terra, Terra do you really have to do this? We can fight him before he...before he turns you into a monster." I spoke and Terra halted right before she could lift her foot for the first step. She quickly turned around and dug her stare into my eyes as if she could turn me into stone if she concentrated enough.

"You're the only monster Raven, you're so cold you can't feel, you're blood is so poisoness it was cursed by the Devil himself, and you are so evil your mother tried to kill you. But she failed and killed herself. It was because of you Raven, you killed your Mother. If you ask me you should be kept in a cage away from all the innocent people you hurt, like Beast Boy for instance." My entire body froze and my lungs locked up, shackled by the chains Terra had just thrust around my heart. I stared at her hard as my hands clenched into fists. I could feel my nails digging into my palms. Her sapphire eyes gleamed in pride, she knew she had hit me hard right in my weak spot. She knew I was vulnerable, but I was going to prove that I wasn't weak. I watched as a menacing grin spread across her face.

"You're the only one hurting him Terra. Your selfishness has got the best of you, would you really rather hurt him if you knew you'd get to have him to yourself for a little while longer? Is that really what you think love is?" I spat out at her. But the grin was still plastered on her face, unaffected.

"Love is a twisted thing..." She said as if she were knowble, not a hint of guilt in her voice. That was it I couldn't take it any more she wouldn't even admit to herself how dangerous she was becoming. She didn't care if she hurt Beast Boy, it wouldn't matter to her because she'd have some time with him to herself, plus the extra joy of seeing me in pain. "Now if you excuse me I have business to attend to." She said with an evil smirk and lifted a foot onto the step.

"The only thing twisted in here is your MIND!" I screamed through my teeth and behind me I had grabbed a sharp knife from the kitchen, I didn't have to recite my words because the object was so small. I'd practiced doing this silently for quite some time so it would be better to surprise my enemies, instead I chanted in my head. My dark energy thrust the knife into the air heading straight toward her but it almost missed her cutting only the edge of her shoulder. I had to practice this more. My muscles tensed with rage, I had finally caught her off guard and I MISSED. "Azarath! Metrion! Zinthos!" I shouted and with my dark energy I gathered more sharp objects from the draws, but Terra was aware now and only cringed at the pain of her shoulder. Perhaps the sucking of her soul made her stronger, more evil.

Terra quickly broke some of the tiles from the floor and used them to shield herself from the objects I threw at her, she had improved a lot and barely missed any of them. Then she got ready to shoot the sharp, blade like tiles at me but she had forgotten my energy shield, I put my dark energy shield over me and watched the tiles crash into it melting into crumbs of rock. Before either of us could destroy anything else we heard many footsteps thumping towards us. We had forgotten the others could hear us, how were we going to explain this? The group stared at us, Terra had a cut shoulder and we were both dusty and a little torn up from the fight. I felt so weak, so terribly weak, not only had I used a lot of power but I had done it with a lot of force, and emotion, it took a lot out of me.

"Friends Raven and Terra, why have you been fighting, are you alright?" Starfire asked, her eyes pleading with sorrow to see us both in this state of health and fury. It always made me feel bad to see Starfire upset about something, I think it makes every one sad. She's always so cheery and optimistic, ignorant some people call it, but those who know her know that she is the kindest most gentle person they would ever meet. She looked at both of us worried and Robin took her hand, he stared at both of us very seriously waiting for our response. But neither of us could say anything. We Just knodded our heads pointing out that we were alright. But maybe I wasn't alright. My legs finally gave into the weak dizzy feeling and collapsed me to the floor. They all gasped accept Terra who hid a grin inside her head I knew. "Raven?! What is wrong?!" Starfire gasped and she and robin quickly hurried over to me followed now by Cyborg. They all looked so blurry to me but then I realized something was missing.

"Raven, say something, let us know you're ok!" Cyborg pleaded in a shakey tone, people weren't used to me being hurt quite like this, I noticed his cold metal hand rest on my shoulder.

"If you can't talk Raven don't try you should just relax." Robin looked straight into my eyes, I wondered if he had any idea what had been going on. He always knew what was going on, but how could he guess this, how could he guess that my Father was sucking the life and soul of Terra? Everything still seemed so misplaced.

"Where....where is—Beast Boy?" I choked out drowsily and I watched their eyes fix in confusion.

"He's probably still sleeping, that boy could sleep through an atomic bomb." Cyborg explained but he still looked a little confused from my question. Robin took my pulse and agnowledged that I was going to be just fine. Their faces transformed from confusion to relaxation, I had such wonderful friends. But I wished Beast Boy was there, just his face could heal my scars. Just then he appeared in the room whipping the sleep from his eyes.

"What's all the commotion?" He asked But his eyes skipped right over me, why was it he couldn't look in my eyes any more. What had Terra told him? He gasped and ran over to Terra examining her cut. "Terra are you ok, what happened, are you ok?!" He screamed, his eyes filled with sorrow and fear. She just smiled at him and said.

"I'm fine BB, nothing a little time won't heal."

"How about a kiss, will that make it heal faster?"

"I'm sure of it." Terra grinned but I turned my head the other way before I could see them kiss. Then this great, terrible sickening sensation bubbled in my stomach and shot up my throat. I vomited on the ground. Every one backed away from me with looks of shock and disgust. I tasted the sour bitter taste in my mouth and let out a long weak groan.

"GOSH Raven! That's sick!" Terra yelled with pure repulsion and she ran out of the room shortly followed by Beast Boy. But I swear right before he walked out of the room he turned to me and gave me a look of sweet sympathy, he also managed to seem so confused.

I spent the rest of my day in bed staring at the ceiling and listening to Enya. Her music was so soothing and I needed that to keep control of my emotions, which were at that time running in several directions. The only way I obtained peace of mind was to numb all my senses, all my thoughts, and I dared not sleep. Dared not venture into a world in which I had no control, I never had nice dreams any more. Just nightmares, and messages, accept I couldn't read them. So I just lied there, not even aware of the music, I was simply there. I began to think about Beast Boy though. Why was he so different, why couldn't he look me in the eye? Where was the light that once shimmered there from the inside out. It was so sad, I longed to reach for him but our faits were parallel, never to touch, but so close in reach, right next to one another. That's how I felt when I was with him now. Every one visited me that day to see how I was accept Beast Boy and Terra. While I pondered this the door cracked open and revealed a sad worried face. Two emerald eyes fixed themselves on me. It was Starfire.

"Raven are you alright?" I knodded my head and motioned my hand telling her it was alright to come in. She took a couple small steps into my shadow coated room and looked a bit uncomfortable.

"Friend Raven, please listen to me. We are going to the Teen club tonight to celebrate Beast Boy's recovery. He is finally fully healed from the incident. We know you are not feeling well, and that something has happened with you and Terra. So we ask friend Raven, that you stay at home tonight until you-"

"I'm FINE Starfire really. I'm perfectly fine."

"But you have been in bed all day, and earlier today you threw dinner back at us. So we all ask that you stay home, we know how you can get when you're sick and in public Raven."

"I'M FINE!"

"Raven, you should listen to her. I KNOW how much you love dancing in clubs but you can come with us another time." It was Robin this time he was behind my door. He startled me but I tried to hide it beneath my emotionless expression. I just sighed and let my head fall against the soft pillow. Could I really argue with Robin? That wouldn't get me any where. After a couple minutes of silence Robin left and Starfire began to walk out of the door.

"Thank you for cooperating Raven, you can call if you need anything." Then a sad guilty expression came onto her face. "If...if you want I can, stay with you?" She offered though I could tell she really didn't want to.

"I wouldn't think of it, just one thing."

"What is it?"

"Dance with Robin." I smiled, yes I smiled I couldn't help it. Every one knew how much they adored each other. Her face flushed a light red but she had a small smile as well.

"Anything for you Raven." She whispered and left closing the door. My smile quickly faded as I closed my eyes. Beast Boy and Terra would be there together. That thought frightened me and pierced my heart. I would hate to see them dance together, but what if he needed me? I had to be there for him whether he knew it or not. I waited until I heard every one leave the tower and I got up. First of all I'd have to wear something different, I had to blend in a bit more or they'd see me. I walked to my closet and peaked inside. It had mostly just the same costume and cloaks. However there was one exception. A long, silky black dress hung at the end of my closet. It was cut up high on both sides of the hips but it wasn't too revealing. The neck was cut from the rest of the dress with an upside down V that held a moonstone and the neck was attached to the rest of the dress just to the front. It was sleeveless and beautiful. I bought this dress for one special occasion, it was a fancy dinner in honor of many heroes and Starfire practically forced me to get it. I sighed and tried it on, it somehow still fit pretty well but I felt coldness on my exposed skin so I put my jeweled up to the elbow armings on and my regular cloak and boots. I put a bit of dark eye-shadow on and black lipstick.

When I looked once more in the mirror, I couldn't find myself. I hadn't seen this girl before, this girl that somehow snook into my room and stared at me throught the glass of the mirror.. She couldn't be me, she was too beautiful, too fake looking. She smiled at me in the mirror, but the smile held nothing, it was sad and felt cold. It reminded me of a painting, the woman smiled out in her portrait but she wasn't really smiling, you could see the emptiness in her eyes longing for something so much more than to be painted. The soul is empty, when the body smiles, as the spirit cries. I quickly looked away from her. At least no one would know that inside this girl, this brilliant mask, was I, her shadow, her soul cloaked in layers of lies. But that was good. I didn't want any one to recognize me, it was just too bad I didn't recognize myself. I wore my chakra as a necklace, took some money, and left the building.

It was a cold flight there. There were no stars on this night, and the moon hid behind the clouds, I wasn't the only one with secrets. By the time I arrived there the rest of the titans had been there 30 minutes already. I scanned the room until I found Beast Boy and Terra. They were dancing, she looked so happy, and he was happy too. The sight froze my heart, he was safe, he didn't need me. I should have never gone there.

I looked around me and felt so overdressed. I walked to the side and took my cloak off laying it down on a table, I felt a bit cold but every one recognized my cloak, they'd see me for sure. I wanted to leave, but I was determined to do what I had come here for, make sure Terra didn't do anything. A few vampire posers stared at me, a pair of guys, when I saw them they started to walk my way. One of them was tall and thin, his skin was so pale I bet he powdered it white, and his grey eyes reminded me of dirty snow. The other one was just a bit shorter and also skinny, his eyes were like blazing fire and both of their hair resembled dusty charcoal. The taller one bowed and took my hand. His fingers were icy cold and then he pulled me against him to dance. He didn't even ask me. How rude. I pushed him away.

"No thankyou. I don't do dancing." I shot at him with a dry monotone voice. But they only laughed and the other one grabbed me and hissed at my neck. I think they actually believed they WERE vampires. I craved to grab him with my powers and twist his neck but I didn't want to cause too much commotion, I was trying to hide in the crowds. So I simply shoved him away and hissed back at him mockingly. Some people get me wrong. I might like to hang out with others like myself, tortured souls, poets, people that live and hide in shadow, or simply those that ask questions no others dare to ask or even try to comprehend. People labeled me as gothic, labels are pointless, human beings are just too complicated to be labeled. Sure I enjoyed a few vampire books now and then but I despised crazy people that pretended they were actually vampires, and it wasn't like I was depressed all the time. It just seemed that way back then.

They both stared at me long and hard as if they believed I would fall into a trance.

"GO AWAY!" I talked loudly but they didn't respond. Suddenly they looked frightened and started to walk backwards.

"She said go away." Came a deep, strong, irritated voice. They instantly scattered and I turned around. It was Cyborg. At first I was glad he'd moved the morons away before I lost control of my powers, but then I was startled in regret. He knew I was here, I couldn't watch Beast Boy and Terra without being noticed, now they'd probably all start yelling at me. I knew they couldn't make me leave, but I really didn't feel like having to explain myself. Then the other thought came to me, how embarrassing it was for him to see me dressed like this. My mouth opened to say something but I really couldn't think of anything to fill in the gap of silence between us. Finally my mind was in place again.

"Thank you." I said, but my voice was still shaky. He just smiled at me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"It's ok Rae I won't tell any one you're here." I sighed with relief. "Just do me one favor," I looked at him questionably. "dance with me Rae." He spoke smoothly with a lovely smile. My body froze. I couldn't dance with him, I hated dancing, I despised it, not this kind of dancing. Maybe at an old fashioned masquerade but not mindless jiggles at a club. I'd never dance not ever, well...maybe if Beast Boy had asked me. That would be an exception. But this wasn't Beast Boy, it was Cyborg, my friend. A close friend but still that, a friend. My face was blank and I could see the disappointment already melting onto his face. Did he really like me like that, how come I hadn't noticed this earlier, it had been so clear. But it was just then I realized it, Cyborg liked me, but I couldn't return that. Somehow though, when I saw his face gazing at me so intently waiting desperately for my reply, I couldn't shove him away. What kind of friend would do that.

"Sure." I said, and conjured up a smile. But it was like the painting, it was only there to be pretty, only a painting on the mask, I felt so guilty for it. For lying with my smile. But it worked, he smiled back at me warmly and took my small hands into his. His eyes were filled with oceans of joy that wouldn't let go of my eyes. I wondered how he couldn't see the emptiness inside. He could only see the outside, the lie. His hands moved to my shoulders as we waltzed to the music, it was a slow song. I could read his feelings like I could any other person, except myself that is. He felt like he was flying, with an angel. But I was no angel then.

'Do you really want this?' I thought. 'I could pretend to love you, be your everything, everything you ever wanted. You could finally be truly happy, and I'd seem happy too, and we could live that way forever. But it would all be a lie, I could be your everything while really be nothing. And you'd never see it, you'd never know. But if you did know, that isn't really how you want to live is it?' I thought to him, though I knew no one could hear me. I had to fill the emptiness inside, my body seemed to way so much more than my soul and the imbalance threatened to collapse me in the empty wait of my body. I pictured the only thought that could make me happy. Beast Boy.

I pictured him with me, dancing melodically, holding me in his arms and smiling sweetly. 'What if Beast Boy thinks of you that way, feels nothing. Would you want him to be your everything while being nothing?' A voice in my head asked. 'no' I replied, I could never hurt him. I'd just have to be lonely. And soon I was staring into his eyes, Beast Boy's, his eyes replaced Cyborg's and soon it was fully him I was dancing with. I knew my eyes were closed and it was just and allusion, but it felt so real and so wonderful. And then I smiled, and it was a completely different painting. It was a painting of a girl lost in her dreams, drowning in the ecstasy of love, and she had no wish to leave. The image was fake, but the feeling, the smile this time, it was real. We danced through several songs. I felt so light I could float above the grand with not my power of flight, but just the joy I felt. Beast Boy leaned toward me his lips nearly touching mine, seconds from a kiss. I felt so surprised but happy at the same time. But before the kiss I remembered. This wasn't really Beast Boy, It wasn't him at all! Soon the image of my beloved faded away like a passing memory and my eyes shot open just in time to dodge the kiss from Cyborg. It landed on my cheek and I stumbled backward.

He looked at me surprised and then hurt. But before anything more could happen a large crash echoed throughout the club followed by screams, gasps, and a short period or painful silence. Every one turned to see what had caused this loud noise, and to our surprise the wall had collapsed. I peered into the dusty smoke that hid a large figure and by the time I made out who it was it was too late. Slade jumped into the crowd followed by his robot minions. Before any one could react we heard the only thing we'd expect.

"Titans! Go!" Robin shouted and we all began destroying the robot minions. The robots were always so weak, Starfire could just blast them open and Cyborg used his lazar beams. I threw the large pieces of rubble that were left from the wall onto their sorry metal bodies. Slade however, was something much more. Robin of course was the one to step up to Slade. He dodged and jumped and kicked but it was no use, Slade knew Robin's attacks front and back. Slade's fist launched into Robin's Jaw and sent him flying. Of course this led to Starfire being very upset, and she attacked him as well. But we all knew if any one could defeat Slade, it was probably Robin. Robin jumped back up and attacked Slade once more. Every one accept Terra began to run at Slade. Terra sat on the floor shaking violently watching, then I remembered, because of Slade Terra had killed herself. But before we could lay a scratch on Slade, to our surprise, The robot minions were pieced back together in thin air.

They began to attack us again, followed by even more robots that entered the club. There was so much screaming it nearly made me insane. Tons of teenagers running from the robots trying to escape a place they thought they'd never want to leave. The music was still blasting and it took an attack from a robot for me to gain my concentration once again. The lyrics of the song echoed in my mind.

"_Why?  
Bleeding is breathing  
You're hiding underneath the smoke in the room.  
Try  
Bleeding is believing  
I used to."_

The blast burned my skin and I winced in discomfort. We continued the battle against the machines but every time we destroyed them they just pieced back together, it seemed impossible. In the mean time Slade held a weak damaged Robin by the neck.

"Do you really think the world revolves around you, Robin? It is not you I want. It's HER!" Slade faced Terra.

"Wha- What do you wan't her for?!" Robin shouted "Leave her alone she never did anything to you!" Slade chuckled.

_"My mouth is dry  
Forgot how to cry  
What's up with that?  
You're hurting me."_

All the titans by now were worn out, my head ached, my muscles were sore and my body bruised and burned. I felt the blackness come again to haunt me, it clouded my head and I slowly slipped away. My body crashed onto the hard floor covered with broken glass and stone. All the other Titans had fallen as well, lying helplessly, but to our surprise the Robots did not finish us off, instead they halted.

The teenagers that were not able to escape sobbed and tried to hide in the corners, surrounded by flames and smoke. Every one turned to Slade still holding a choking Robin by the neck. My eyes opened enough to see what was happening, I tried to move but every muscle in my body felt like cement, heavy and bound to the floor. Slade chuckled some more. All was silent.

_"I'm runnin fast.  
Can't hide the past.  
What's up with that?  
You're pushing me.  
  
Why?  
Bleeding is breathing  
You're hiding underneath the smoke in the room."_

"Did she not tell you? We have quite an actress here." Slade dropped Robin and he hit the floor with a gasp. Every one looked at Terra, Sobbing and shivering like someone in a mental institution. Slade laughed coldly. "Terra betrayed you, she betrayed both of us. All that time when she came back, she was spying for ME. Terra was my apprentice, and she vowed that she would do what I said, which included, destroying all of you." Slade paused as every one gasped and stared at terra.

"STOP" She screamed. "PLEASE!" But he just kept talking.

_"Try  
Bleeding is believing  
I used to  
I used to.  
  
Why?  
Bleeding is breathing  
You're hiding underneath the smoke in the room.  
Try  
Bleeding is believing  
I saw you calling on the phone"_

"However she couldn't take the pressure any more, she wasn't strong enough, and she ran away. But I've found you Terra, you can't run away any more, because I know what you care about. And I can tare it away from you any second." She began crying. Every one was speechless, scared, they just stared at her. But I knew this all along, and I just stared at her in Hatred. Did they see it now, how dangerous she was? Or were they just sympathetic with no idea of how it really ended. How she sold her soul.

Slade walked over to her and Grabbed a startled Beast Boy by the arm. He looked so confused, like he couldn't comprehend anything like that ever happening. Like Terra was too perfect to do that. My hands clenched into fists, look how she hurt him. Her selfishness brought good to no one, not even herself. "Stop it, don't hurt him!" Terra screamed, her voice cracking. Her hand reached out towards him in plead. "He's the only reason...I'm still here and I'll, I'll do anything to save him..." She looked at the ground. Through all of all the deep hatred I felt towards that girl there was the slightest ping of empathy. I looked toward Beast boy, I lived for him too. I could tell that Slade smiled under that hideous mask.

"_Why?  
Bleeding is believing  
You're hiding underneath the smoke in the room.  
Try  
Bleeding is believing  
I saw you calling to the dark"_

"If you come back to me Terra, I will spare him. Destroy the Teen Titans and you can keep your pet." She clenched her teeth as if not to scream out, and she nodded her head. The empathy was gone, she was going to help him destroy us, and take away Beast Boy, forever. I tried to stay calm, tried not to scream because that wouldn't do any good to any one, and I tried to control my emotions. If they let loose now the building would collapse, killing all of us. Maybe if I let them go, we'd have a chance at saving him, and ourselves. But Terra, he could keep her. He could keep her and kill her and I really wouldn't care. At once I might have cared even though jealous of her, but now, a hatred even larger than before rose up in me. She betrayed us again. I always knew we couldn't trust her. But no one ever listened to the crazy psychic goth girl, no one.

"Beast Boy, I'm sorry, I promised myself I'd never do this again but...I have to." She said sadly and pressed her hand against his head. I could see his facial expression drop and he would have fallen if she didn't catch him. I didn't need any other proof to know what she had done. She brainwashed him, destroyed his memory, and brainwashed his mind. That's why he could never look me in the eye, and why he'd clung to her so much without any idea what was going on. All along I couldn't even tell, she'd brainwashed him. And she did it again.

"I want you to fight the Titans when their strong and ready, and then you will destroy them. But I've seen that you've gotten rusty, so we have much to prepare for." Slade talked in a deep nasty tone. She just looked so sad and fragile and followed him out still carrying Beast Boy. I tried to lift myself up to save him, but the blackness returned, it swallowed me whole. My head hit the floor as all went blank to me, I was left in a deep black empty hole of nothing. And I didn't even have the will to escape.

"_Why?  
Bleeding is believing  
You're hiding underneath the smoke in the room.  
Try  
Bleeding is believing  
I saw you falling to the floor."_

Author Note: Ooooo suspence. 1- I'm sorry I'm bad at fight scenes but I promise the big one at the end will be really good 2- I didn't fit the story to the song, I fit the song to the story, I listened to a bunch to decide which one I wanted to fit in there, after I wrote it. PLEASE REPLY! Tell me if you like it from Raven's point of View or not, I need to know! I'll try to update as soon as possible!

-Forever More, RavenNevermore18


	8. The awakening of a lost one

**Author Note: I was so inspired by the end of Spellbound, it is now my favorite episode ever. It gets into Raven's emotions, I find that are which very similar to my own. Of course the hug she gave Beast boy at the end did something too, and his blushing, he understands her, the only person that really cared. Proof that they are certainly the best couple, and I'm planning on making another fic that takes place after that episode, plus a Jinx/Cy fic, but this is my main fanfiction. Tell me what you think of those Ideas though.**

**I find I must put this in Beast Boy's perspective, it's either that or Terra's, or just plain no real perspective. I like writing in perspective and this wouldn't be very good from Terra, so I'll do it in Beast Boy, it just might help uncover some of his feelings too. The ones you always wondered about.**

The lights quickly brightened and cast an intense, superficial light into the room. Wait, a room? I didn't remember this place. For all I knew I could have just been thrown in there, or I could have lived there my entire life. My brain held a tremendous block in place, a border and I couldn't reach around it, I couldn't remember anything. I couldn't remember the day before, the years before, it was all blank. All I knew was how I felt. Do you really know who you are without your memories? I didn't know, all I felt was deep confusion, and a loss of something. But I had no idea what I had, so did it even make a difference? It probably did, I was left with a vast emptiness. It haunted me, I couldn't push it aside, I tried so hard to remember what it was I lost but all I could remember was that I lost it and that she, was it a she? She was very special to me, meant more than anything to me.

The only thing that I had left was deep sadness and confusion, so many questions floating around in my mind, and a painfully white, plain room. Psychotically white. I could barely take it anymore, it was like being trapped in a room with all the lights out, completely black no matter where you stepped with no idea where you were. It was like that except it was white, and it had cushioned walls. There was a small bed and a wooden desk with paper and pencils. In the corner of the room there was a stall, what I believed to be a toilet and a sink. I sat on the bed rubbing my temples and trying to find myself. Finally I noticed a door at the end of the room. Slowly I lifted myself onto my feet, feeling a bit dizzy like I'd slept for hours, or passed out. I walked over to the door and stared at it. Who knew what lay behind that door, a world of endless hallways, aliens, dead people. That was probably it, I was abducted by aliens! That was the only explanation, they captured me and stole my memories, then locked me up in this alien room so they could later experiment on me, I had to hurry quickly.

My hand slowly reached for the doorknob and then tugged on it, giggled it, but it wouldn't budge. I was locked in there, locked in alien territory. I began frantically looking around for any clue of escape, just then my eye grabbed something on the ceiling. A camera, they were watching me, my every move. Slowly I crept away from the camera and stumbled onto the cold white floor, breaths desperately escaping my lungs. I wasn't safe here and I knew it, I could taste it in the air.

The door knob jiggled, and slowly began to open. My heart raced against time as it slowly revealed a skinny blond haired girl, a smile on her face, and she closed the door. Was she human? She looked like one. She stared softly into my eyes. Flashes beamed into mind, memories of her, too short to comprehend. I saw her holding my hand, kissing my cheek, smiling, crying, dodging rocks. And a screaming, it wasn't her voice though, it was another girl's. 'Stay with me, for always.' I heard it echo in my mind until the flashes faded away. The blue eyed girl knelt in front of me, still carrying that smile on her face. Was she what I had lost, was she the girl I had missed, the reason I felt so empty? I couldn't tell then, everything was new to me again. I'd just have to see and find out, if she filled up the hole in my heart.

"Hey Beast Boy! How are you doing? You fell on the ground really hard, I take it you won't remember things for while. But I'll help you remember, and we can fill you up with new memories." She spoke excitedly. Beast Boy, that was my name, that much I knew. Why that was my name I had no idea, it seemed too weird to be a name. I stared at her intently, just how hard had I fallen? She seemed ok to trust, but maybe not yet. I tried to dig into the flashes of memories I had earlier, apparently she was very close to me, her name was, Terra.

"Terra?" I spoke hoarsely, it was the first thing I had said in a long time. "You're Terra aren't you, and I'm, I'm Beast Boy..." She nodded her head, the smile never leaving. "Where am I, why am I locked in this scary room?" I gazed upon her beauty, I had just realized, she was very pretty. Her smile just made me feel so much safer. But when she answered this she hesitated, and looked at the walls avoiding eye contact.

"You see there...are a lot of people that hate me. I try to do good, but somehow, I just never know what I'm doing. There's something about me, people just get scared off. And since, since we love each other, those people that hate me, for no reason, are trying to get you. They'll stop at nothing to take you from me so I have to protect you!" So much for the alien theory. "THEY CAN'T TAKE YOU FROM ME YOU'RE ALL I HAVE!" Her voice raised in a lot of pain, finally cracking as she lowered her head and let the strands of golden hair hide her face. I had no idea what she had been through but she didn't deserve that, for people to hate her without knowing her. I could tell that I had known her very well, I was her only friend, and also her lover. My hand rested on her shoulder, the least I could do was comfort her, she went through so much to protect me from those horrible people.

"I understand." I said and she lifted her face with a small smile. A single tear slid down her cheek.

"I knew you would..." She paused and looked at me very sternly. "Promise me, that if at any chance they find you, you will not give in, no matter what they say. Don't let them get you. They are called the teen Titans, and they will try to persuade you to help them with their evils. Watch out for the gothic freak, Raven, she hates me more than any one, there for more than any one she'll want to kill you." My eyes widened, why did it all have to be this complicated. Did these people really want to kill me? "Promise me!" She looked pale and afraid.

"I promise." She smiled again and embraced me. I felt warm in her arms, maybe it would be alright. I let my mind drift off. Just then it occurred to me. "Terra, why am I green? Humans aren't green, at least I don't think." How could I have forgotten so much? That must have been a very bad fall. She giggled lightly.

"Don't worry, you're human, nothing special about that. You just have this skin condition that makes you green, but that's all, you're normal just like me." Her smile beamed across her face.

"I know you have to keep the bad people away form me, but why is my door locked from the inside?" Her smile faded again and she stood up.

"I did not come here to be questioned! You're safer this way trust me. I love you, and you love me, and that is all you need to know!" She looked very upset and headed towards the door. I was struck by pure confusion. She slammed it behind her and I cursed myself for not running to catch it. If she didn't come back, I would never get out of that terrible place. I noticed the camera again and I wondered who was watching, and why. I went into my bed and hid beneath the covers. Someone watching me was not my idea of happiness, the idea frightened me. Who was this girl that claimed to love me, could I really trust her? Everything she said was just thrown at me and she seemed really tense when I asked her a simple question. How could I trust someone like that? But still, I had happy memories of her and I, the only memories I had. I had no one else to trust.

I took a piece of paper form the desk and a pencil and began sketching out a new memory. It was another girl, with plum hair and violet eyes, a sweet modest smile and dark clothing. This girl held me in her arms surrounded by a brilliant light and healed my scars. She looked too beautiful to explain, so I drew her. For some reason, just the sight of this girl, like an angel, touched my heart deeper than Terra did. There was a block in my mind forbidding me to think about this girl, and I couldn't think about her. But it couldn't block my heart, I felt something for her, and I missed it. I continued sketching her until I was fully satisfied, and at the top I wrote the name that first popped into my head, a poetic, mysterious, forbidden name.

"Raven" I sighed and slowly slipped away into sleep, clutching the drawing close to my heart. "My beautiful...broken..angel...."

Author Note: This is probably the shortest chapter I have written so far and I'm sorry for that, but I realize that many people grow impatient with me taking my time and it seemed better to end it at this point. I will update soon but ONLY if you review - hint-Review- I love all of you that do, it makes me feel so glad I'm writing this so I go off and write some more! Tell me what you think of Beast Boy's perspective because I'm planning on doing it again in the next chapter, since it's mostly about him any way and how he learns that...I should stop right there! So go on now, review!


	9. The returning of memories long lost

**Author Note: I apologize ahead of time for how out of character Beast Boy is being, but 1- He did loose all of his memories, remember that, and 2- This is how I write, I don't feel like putting Dude in a lot and stuff like that, trust me I could but It really wouldn't be that good. (besides I've learned Beast boy can be very dramatic when he chooses)Yes my name is from the Poem, I love poetry, it just so happens my favorite character is named Raven, and later I found out about her world called Nevermore, which is from the poem as well, pretty cool huh? So anyway, thank you all of you that reviewed, I'm writing this for you, and I tried double spacing but it didn't come out on FF for some reason.**

**BTW: To clear this all up for confused people. This is Beast Boy's perspective after he was brainwashed by terra, he lost all of his memories. This is starting off in a dream sequence. **

The ground beneath me was solid rock, tumbling into dust with every weak and wary step I took. The world slowly twisted into oblivion and it tripped me, crashing me to the stone cold ground. Still I could see, faintly, into the blurry sapphire sky. My body shivered, trying to find any warmth left to carry me on to another day. My eyes captured the image of every perfect snowflake, as they floated in the air softly landing. I became numb to all feeling, lost beneath a blanket of those perfect little ice angels, despite their beauty, they choked me...threatening to steel my soul.

Suddenly, I felt warm fingers touch my cheek, melting there the icy feeling of hopelessness. I was brought back into existence, aware once again, that I was indeed, still alive. I looked up into her eyes, a snow angel? No...she was very familiar to me. Her water color eyes let go of liquid crystal tears as she smiled at me, ever so gently. I felt calm and bewildered by her otherworldly warmth. She took me in her arms and lifted me up. She now held me in the sky.

"Raven..." I spoke, feeling the life come back into my lips. She held me beneath her cloak, sheltering me from the icy bliss, the perfect ice angels catching in her hair. For minutes we floated speechless, gazing into the eyes of one another, listening to the fragile silence and gasps of wind.

She leaned toward me and we shared a soft kiss, and in that moment there was no numbing cold, or rocky surface, there was no before and no after.

"I knew you could never forget me, no matter what Terra did to you there are some things she just can't hide."

"Raven...Tell me what happened, tell me who I was, what she did to me." I spoke, finally, I would understand. Her lips parted to speak but then her face froze in agony. I felt a warm liquid leaking from her chest, I looked at my hand, it was crimson red. I choked on a gasp of air as we fell to the cold hard ground. Raven lay in the icy white snow. Blood streamed from her heart as she gasped for air.

"RAVEN!" I screamed as I crawled weakly over to her helpless dying body. I cradled her in my arms trying to give her any warmth I had left. She smiled at me sadly, tears releasing from her icy violet eyes.

"I love you..." she cried softly.

"You're going to be ok...Raven...you'll be ok...just hold on...a bit longer." And I held my broken angel. No matter what I wanted to believe, I knew that she wouldn't be ok, her heart had been stricken, but what had done it. My head shot up and I saw in the distance, a tall skinny figure. She smiled at me menacingly as the strands of golden hair blew into the wind. She walked through Snowy wind, destroying the perfect carpet of snowflakes. The snow beneath raven drowned in red. I clutched her wound with my hand trying to stop the bleeding. But it was no use; I stared deathly up at Terra who just smiled at us.

"I told you she was no good...she wants to take you from me, but if I can't have you, NO ONE can!" Terra screamed and raised her arms, around her hands were balls of yellow magic that lifted pieces of rock in mid air. I gasped clutching Raven closer to me. She raised the rocks and aimed them like spears toward Raven but I dodged them taking Raven with me.

"Stop it! Leave her alone!" I shouted but Terra just looked frustrated and raised her hands once again.

"You can fight her...save yourself..." Raven choked, but how could I fight Terra, she could control rocks, and I was only a simple human.

"You are more than human Beast Boy, you have a power of your own." Raven spoke, reading my mind.

"What is it?" but once again before Raven could speak Terra speared her with rocks. Raven...Raven was no more. I screamed at the top of my lungs until my throat bled. Terra just looked at me joyfully.

"Things will be better now my love...now that weir alone..."

"NO Terra, you're wrong, because I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU and I will never LOVE SOMONE LIKE YOU!" I shouted, her face jumped into pure shock and hurt, surprising her so much that the rocks she held in the air released on top of her. They crushed her, steeling from her all life. That was it. Terra was gone too. Though at that moment I had hated her so much I wanted her to die, a part of me regretted it. Because now, I was trapped in this icy desert, weak and helpless and...all alone.

I'd never felt so alone. I wasn't used to being depressed, it just wasn't how I felt. Whenever anything bad happened I'd just start making jokes, hoping the bad feeling would just go away, and usually it did. But now, now nothing could save me. Nothing was funny any more, because there was no one here to laugh at me, with me, even criticize me.

"Well...this beats Starfire's New Years cow brain pudding..." Nothing...just silence...I giggled to myself but it wasn't because I found that funny, I felt insane. No one could hear me but the cold silent wind. And all that did was pound at my flesh. I held Raven's stone dead body in my arms, now releasing the tears that had welled up inside. Raven would want me to stay alive, to carry on, and not let what Terra did ruin my life. Because Raven loved me.

I wished right then I could be a bear, warm in layers of fat and heavy fur. It would be so nice to be a bear right then...I concentrated on how it would feel, to be a bear, just to make myself think I was warmer. And it worked! I felt warm, and fuzzy, and hungry for...meat. Wait? Wasn't I a vegetarian? I opened my eyes and looked down at my feet, but they were paws now, and I was on all fours. A strange sensation came over me and I realized, I had just transformed into a bear. This had to be a dream, it was a dream, that's all it could be, that's all it was.

My eyes flashed open and I found myself back in the psychotic white room. It was all a dream. But it felt so real. Still how could any one turn into an animal, and how could any one control rocks in mid air? I yawned but I let out a loud growl, slowly I peered at my hands and they were indeed...green bear paws. I jumped off the bed and hollered. I could turn into animals? That's what the girl Raven was talking about. Before I got scared any more I realized that with this power, I could escape. And that, was exactly what I needed to do.

So I fixed myself to the size of a worm and headed toward the door. As soon as I slipped under the door I turned into a rat and began scurrying down the empty dark hallways, it was relief after all that white but the shadows seemed to hide things, doors kept going on and on and on, who knew what waited behind them. Frantically I searched for a door leading to the outside of this miserable place but before I could do so I ran into a boot. It was very large, and cold, and scary. A huge frightening Man with a mask on his face picked me up by my tail, causing pain to run through my spine. My first reaction was to bite him. I bit him hard and he cursed me before dropping me to the hard floor. But before I could run away he dropped a cage over me.

"Terra!" He screamed and picked my cage up handing it to her.

"If you don't keep control over your little RAT, then I'm afraid we will be needing to call an exterminator, namely YOU." The large man talked in a low nasty voice. She looked frightened and nodded her head.

"He won't be any more trouble! I promise!" The man walked away and she opened a door leading into a red, black, and golden room. I could tell that this was her room, scattered with her clothes and belongings, some posters on the wall. This room also had cameras in it. She dropped my cage onto the bed and opened it up.

"What were you THINKING?! Slade will kill you!" She screamed and looked very upset. I guessed that the Man was Slade. She dumped me out of the cage and I transformed back into a human.

"Why didn't you tell me I could turn into animals?" I asked. I was quite upset that she was hiding this from me, I could only imagine what else she was hiding from me.

"You said I was normal, just human, nothing special, just a skin condition!"

"You're safer if you don't know about your power, don't you know? That's all the Teen Titans want you for. They'll do anything to get your power, that's the only reason they want you. Do you really want to be used like that? You're better here, with me, no powers, just a normal human." She explained in an exasperated voice. A minute of silence passed by before I could think of anything to say.

"Terra, are you hiding anything else from me? It seems like you've been keeping secrets. And this dream I had, you-"

"Do you seriously believe in all that dream junk? I suppose Raven was in there as well, perfect as an angel. She has the power to manipulate dreams, did you know that? BB, I would never lie to you. Just trust me; I'm the one that saved you from the Titans. I'm the only person you have in this cold miserable world."

I stared blankly at her. Had the girl called Raven really manipulated my dreams and emotions? That was a scary thought, 'maybe I should learn more about this Raven before trusting her.' I thought. 'But why is it, an entire part of me...Raven, she's all I want, she's the only one that can save me. No she has to be manipulating my emotions again, how could I feel that way about someone I can't even remember.' I stared at my hands hoping for memories to come back to me, but they didn't. It was all blank.

"BB stop thinking so much, it was never your strong point." She giggled and before I knew it I did too.

"Hey...I'm not that stupid." She just giggled some more and a small smile crept onto my face. Maybe I was thinking too much. And thinking depressed me.

Before I could object Terra leaned in and kissed me. It was very short, and sweet, but then she pulled away leaving me baffled.

"We used to do it all the time BB, don't you at least remember that? Our love? I miss you BB, you feel so far away..." She whispered sadly and I stared at her. I opened my mouth to tell her that I was right there, next her, but she rested a finger on my lips. "No Beast Boy, don't say a word, just...kiss me..." Her finger fell down to her side, us both sitting on the edge of the bed staring at one another. Her eyes were half closed, mine were wide open, confused, unsure, hesitant. She just kept looking in my eyes, waiting, expecting something, when I did nothing she decided to wait no longer.

Terra's lips pressed against mine, her arms locking me in her embrace. I blinked, but my eyes wouldn't open, flashes of memories flooded themselves into my head. Times I had kissed Terra, danced with her, but then other times, when I was with Raven, not kissing, but in the silence of one another's presence, a feeling, a longing so much stronger. I saw Terra, evil in her eyes, lifting a rock forcing it right on top of me, crushing me like a chicken bone.

Raven saved me, she sang to me, she loved me. My angel....but a block came into my head, Terra's voice, it told me not to think about Raven, that it was wrong to think about her, that to think of Raven while kissing Terra was...I thought about it, it hurt. Terra had hated Raven more than any one else as far as I knew, she told me to stay away from her...and I was thinking of Raven while kissing Terra. 'You're not kissing her, she kissed you, pull away.' My head told me. Terra's grip on me was tight, but I turned my head away from her pushing her gently apart from me.

"I can't do this Terra, not when I can't even figure out who you are." I whispered sadly, not wishing to hurt her. But she was hurt, she started to cry. "How do I know you're not lying to me? Everything just seems like one big lie, my memories don't match anything you say!" She threw me angrily against the wall pinning me between her fists. She glared at me straight in the eyes; her eyes were like cold black beads digging into my flesh with just a glance of rage.

---------------------Raven's Point of View-------------------------------------------

I had awaken earlier that morning, apparently I had blacked out. Every one was in pain, but they seemed to care more about Slade and Terra coming to kill us than the fact that she had Taken Beast Boy away. That was all I could think about. Every time I suggested finding him Robin told me we had to prepare for the arrival of Slade and Terra and worry about Beast Boy later. I tried to find him with my mind but my powers couldn't reach past the spell Terra had cast on him, I'd have to wait for it to grow weaker.

I stared off into the mid-day sky, it was painted with water colors, tranquil blue, autumn orange. Winter would be coming soon I realized. Things were always harder for us in the winter. I didn't mind the cold so much but snow storms and Holiday Shopping were favorite times of the year for villains.

I couldn't take it any more; I wasn't going to wait for Robin's ok or for the spell to wear off. Beast Boy had to be found, I had to see him again, I had to protect him. I walked back into the tower and was embraced by warm settling air. I packed some food, a couple sandwiches, tea, some canned goods, a couple books and magic utensils, and of course a coat for the brittle cold. I would travel lightly, alone, and as fast as possible. I would not rest until I found my love, I would not sleep until he was home in my arms. Once again I treaded outside, welcomed by the soft rush of wind and November sky.

"So where are we going to look first?" Said a low cheery voice. I practically jumped out of my skin hearing that. How had I not sensed him? Was my body that numb? Cyborg smiled at me, I remembered then that he liked me in that special way. But I could never return that, had he forgotten how I pulled away? When we were dancing, I wasn't even dancing with him, I was off somewhere else in my mind, dancing with Beast Boy. Cyborg took the bag from my hands and slung it over his shoulder.

"Thanks..." I said, I had nothing else to say. I myself had no idea where I was headed, but it looked like I'd be having company, which was kind of nice. People look for when Titans are alone, they know weir weaker by ourselves. I smiled fakely at him, I could sense his emotions now, they were burning hot with longing, disappointed that I seemed so unaware of him. I started to walk again and he walked beside me, I realized I was still weak from the black out and I had a long journey ahead of me. I looked to Cyborg. A Very long journey.

I couldn't get it out of my head, his soulless face, so confused, helpless. Terra had done that to him, and I swore as soon as I found him and made sure he was ok, I would listen to my inner voice. I would ENIOLATE Terra, killing her every last cell until there was nothing left but an empty corpse. Though a soulless corpse described her pretty well right now. She would never hurt any one again, especially Beast Boy.

I picked up Cyborg and we flew across the small ocean around our Tower. We settled back down onto solid Earth and Began a walk to the City. I couldn't wait to find her and slowly choke her skinny little neck.

--------------------------------Beast Boy's Point of View-------------------------------------------

"You Don't know what you're TALKING ABOUT! Why can't you just see? All you need to know is that I LOVE YOU! I'm the only one that can love you, save you, understand you!"

"Terra please just tell me what's going on! Where the hell are we?!"

"YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT! IT DOESN'T MATTER!" She shouted. "AHHHHHHH!" Terra's grip released me and she clutched her head with her hands, seeming to be in great pain. A large yellow aura surrounded her. Rocks began to fly down from the ceiling, collapsing. Some rocks were surrounded by the same yellow aura that swept them to the sides of the room, I had to dodge them to stay alive. Her breathing was heavy, and I knew why the rocks were falling. My dream held more answers than I had thought, Terra really could control rocks, I could turn into animals, and I could sense the possessive evil generating in her soul. Still, the ceiling was collapsing, and a part of me, maybe the part of me that perhaps loved her once, told me to save her.

I ran to her surrounding her with my arms and I tried to pick her up but she shoved me away.

"NO! WEIR STAYING RIGHT HERE! WE'LL DIE TOGETHER!" She looked very upset and crazy, die together? She wanted to die?

"If I'm going to die why not do it now, with you?" She whispered sadly, I didn't understand but time was running out and I couldn't take it any more. I grabbed her and carried her out of the room listening to the ceiling collapse behind us. We escaped just in time. Terra cried on my shoulder finally letting me carry her without resistance. I walked down the long intimidating hallway. It seemed so much smaller now, but some how I still felt so small scurrying though the shadows like a mouse. Part of me wondered why I had saved her, maybe she was all I had in this large unfamiliar building. I didn't want it to end like my dream, stranded alone and hopeless.

Finally my eyes rested on a door, light peeked through the edges. Maybe it was a way out? I was ready to take chances, they were the only option left for surviving. I slowly opened the door, but I only found a cold chamber of gears, computers, and shadows. Wherever this was we needed a rest, and I'd take it. I walked through the seemingly empty room and hid behind a set of technological equipment. I set Terra down and we leaned against something. I felt the dizzy blood flow through my veins, I felt so aloof. However I sensed something moving, I looked up to gaze upon a distant figure. The large masked man terra had called Slade. His back was facing us, obviously unaware of our presence, and I quieted my breathing so it would remain that way.

He stood in front of a very large Television screen that he switched on. Instantly it flickered on and revealed a house like setting, a large couch, a kitchen in the background, it seemed so familiar. A masked black haired boy appeared and he looked very angry.

"Slade!" He spit out like the name were a pie full of dirt and worms. He glared intently at Slade. "I can guarantee you wont be winning this time, we're ready for you, and Terra, and we want Beast Boy Back." The Boy looked determined and strong. But why did they want to fight Terra, and what did he mean get me back? I noticed then that he was a member of the Teen Titans Terra had told me about. Did they really just want my powers? Then I remembered. Raven had to be there. I wanted desperately to see the Raven of my Dreams.

"We'll see about that Robin..." Slade spoke confidently.

"Titans! Come here there's a transmission from Slade!" Robin spoke and a Tall flying girl flew to his side, she looked worried and kind.

"Robin! Raven and Cyborg have ran away without letting us know! They are on a search to find our friend Beast Boy!" Robin jumped in alarm to the news, his facial express now leaning into a deeper rage and frustration.

"I told her we'd find him later! Now what are we supposed to do Starfire?! There's only two of us!" He screamed. They really did care about me, Raven and Cyborg had even disobeyed Robin to find me. Flashbacks rushed into my head with a glitch of pain.

It was at a carnival, Cyborg, Raven and I were very close friends. Cyborg and I won Raven a Giant chicken and she didn't look too enthusiastic, but we knew she was just hiding behind her sarcasm. We loved hanging around together, though we were quite the opposites. I remembered a time when Raven healed a bone of mine with her powers, and we shared the most intimate silence.

Other memories flooded my head, Cyborg and I had ventured into Raven's mind, and we found deep understanding for her, that's when our close friendship had started. I remembered Starfire and Robin as well, they were in love, every one knew it, accept maybe them. I had loved Raven, but no one knew. Together, we had been the Teen Titans, defending our city, and bonding as a team, that's how life had been. Until we met Terra.

I glanced at Terra. I remembered everything now, I remembered my entire life. Terra had lied to me, brainwashed me, hurt me, and still I had saved her. Why had I saved her when I knew something was wrong? Titans do that I guess, listen to their heart, what they think is right, sometimes caring more for others than themselves.

"Your chances of winning don't look very high now Robin." Slade spoke happily. "I have Terra and the shape shifter on my side now. Do you think you can handle hurting your old friends?" What? Me on his side? I could never fight my friends, could never hurt them. But I knew Slade would make me, unless I resisted. I now knew what he had been hiding from me. "Goodbye Robin, I'll see you soon, ready or not." The transmission ended and Slade quickly turned around.

"Now I think it's bedtime for the little ease droppers." He spoke sternly. I gasped; he had known we were there the entire time. "Terra, take Beast Boy to his room, tomorrow, you will rid him the memory of all he has witnessed." She nodded her head and took me by the wrist. She dragged me down the hallway, and threw me into my room like it was dungeon. Once again I was surrounded by insanely white walls and cameras. Before I could weakly protest she slammed the door and left me there alone again. I would see her again tomorrow, before she tried to take away my memory, my identity, again. She was slowly killing me she was. I lay on the floor promising myself I would not sleep.

"But I....I want to remember...I don't want to forget again....I want to remember..." I mumbled to myself, and before I could hold back, my heavy eyelids gave into to my cold, tired, body. And all was black. "I want......to remember....."

**Author Note: I tried to spread paragraphs out more to make it easier to read. I've found in this season, if you're one of the people like me, who actually look for hints of BBR in episodes, we are quite happy this season. I thought it couldn't get better after seeing spellbound, but then there was an episode where BB saved her! Ok enough of my joy. Tell me what ya think of it. The next chapter will also be in BB's perspective but it will include some of Raven's as well, the plans I have for it are pretty exciting so if I were you I wouldn't miss it.**

**Forever More, RavenNevermore18**

**P.S. please check out the other story I am writing now called Bewitched, Severed Hearts –it's mostly about Jinx and the Jinx/Cy couple, so check it out if you want. I'm sorry it takes so long to post but I try to post on the weekends so that it's easier to find.**


	10. Deception

Author Note:first I'd like to say sorry it took so long with fanfiction not working and all that, secondly, I'd like to say thank you to the people that reviewed, when I get reviews like daydreamer's, it just makes me glad I'm writing this. Ok this chapter will be full of surprises I can guarantee that, I apologize ahead of time for the change in perspectives I was just curious to see what different perspectives came out like, and this chapter may start out slow but that surely will change, so don't give up on me just yet. I'd love to chat some more but I hate taking up your time, so here we go.

All is in gray smokey fog, clouding all vision in a dry blurry mist.

"Beast Boy, where are you?"

"I'm right here Raven."

"No, where are you?"

"I don't know…but Raven please save me, I need you, I don't want to forget again. I only just found out who I am, I only just remembered you, and I can't forget you again, it's hurts too much. It hurts so much…Raven…"

"Calm down Beast Boy. Even if you loose your memory again you're not loosing who you are, you will always be you Beast Boy not even Terra can change that, just don't let her get to you. It's not hopeless, take a hold of your own mind. It'll be ok, you'll see."

"Even if it's true, that I'll always be me, I don't think I can take any more Raven, another crack and I'm broken, another crack and I-"

"You'll be alright, I'm with you in spirit."

"Raven, please, just promise me you'll try and find me, promise me that ok? I can't make it on my own, I can't fight my friends, I can't live like this. Maybe you're strong Raven, but I'm not."

"I'm…not as strong as you think….it's more complicated than that…"

The two share a long deep silence.

"Beast Boy, let me in, sometimes it's possible when I meditate to slightly posses a person's body, maybe I can figure out where you are." He shook off the cold shiver, the thought of someone possessing him, that his body was not only his own and he did not have full control over it. That thought was scary, but this person was Raven, and she was more than a person to him.

Slowly the fog began to clear and for the first time in what seemed like ages the two set eyes on one another, maybe only in spirit but it was real, and so for the first time in a while they both felt a sense of belonging. Maybe things could be alright. Raven leaned in toward Beast Boy until they shared embrace, and like water she dissolved into the depths of Beast Boy's soul and body. His eyes quickly flew open, but his eyes were different, Raven was looking through them. She peered around the cold white out walls and lifted herself, or rather herself inside Beast Boy's body, off the dusty cement floor. As if on cue the door thrust open causing Beast boy/Raven to collapse back onto the floor in shock.

Terra stared emotionlessly at Be/Ra and some how she didn't even realize the change in Beast Boy's eyes. Her cold emotionless expression melted as she knelt on the floor beside him. She almost looked sincerely sympathetic for a moment. But any one who had ever trusted Terra knew to never trust her again.

"BB I know what you're thinking but I really don't want to do this…I don't want to, but I have to…you don't know Slade like I do." Her eyes looked as if they would tear and Raven felt a strange ping of pity for Terra coming from Beast Boy. He thought he loved her once, she remembered, even if it wasn't true love he could never forget what he felt. Though all logical answers pointed to him hating Terra, she knew he couldn't, he could say he did, and he could wish things never happened, and he could dislike and feel no love for Terra. But He couldn't hate her, not completely.

Raven debated how she would handle this situation, to try and run to the door, to kill Terra, nothing seemed like a clear solution, if she would kill Terra she would do it herself, not in Beast Boy's body, how could she place the guilt in his heart when he did nothing but trust her? At a random moment Be/Ra jumped off of the floor and ran through the doorway but before she could get far she ran into Slade. Glaring menacingly at the perplexed Beast Boy in front of him he grabbed Beast Boy's ankle and threw him back into the room next to Terra. Be/Ra landed hard and slid across the floor burning and scratching Beast Boy's back, his head dropped to the cold hard ground and Raven felt the icy pain crawl up his spine.

"If I didn't have a use for your little pet, Terra, he'd be dog food by now I assure you. If I were you I'd train him to stay out of trouble." Slade spoke in harsh tone. "Since he seems to be so fond of escaping, and you let him go so easily, you are both locked in there until the brainwashing is complete. I'll be watching you." Slade slammed the door shut and Raven could hear a lock click closed. Before she could think of her next plan, which was probably to hurt Terra, Terra jumped onto Beast Boy and pegged his arms down to the floor with her hands. Her face determined and upset, she lifted a hand from his arm and pressed it tightly to his head. Smoke was interfering, blackness was enclosing Raven's mind, Beast Boy's eyes slid shut, and so did Raven's awareness.

--------------------------------------Beast Boy's Perspective----------------------------------------

"Raven?! Raven! Wake up Raven! Please…wake up!" I'm trapped in my own mind, and with me is Raven, but she's unconscious, barely breathing. I don't know what really happened. Raven possessed my body and then Terra came, she was there to brainwash me, but it wasn't me in my body it was Raven. So When Terra took her by surprise and attacked Raven with the same power that made me loose all my memories before, she blacked out, like I had probably done in the past. But Raven is still here, in MY mind, I would have thought she'd be back in her own body by now, even if she isn't awake yet. No matter what I do she won't wake up, and I have no idea how to bring her back home, I can't see how she can survive this way.

I know I said nothing could be worse than getting brainwashed again, but I wish it was me, I wish it was me who was brainwashed, I wish it was me unconscious, at least this is my body. What if Raven never wakes up? I can't live with myself if that happens.

My eyes slowly open and I'm back in the room, the room was the first thing I saw when this nightmare began, all I want is to escape, to find the Titans, maybe they'll know how to free her. I just remembered…I will be seeing the Titans soon, but I'll be under Slades control, I'll have to be fighting them. What if, what if he puts one of those suits on me, the ones that control your every move? I don't think I can take that, and even if I wait for that moment I see my friends again, what if it's too late, too late to save Raven? My hands form into fists as I put my mind to the test, how can I escape, my strategy of simply scurrying out hasn't work at all in the past, I need a new plan. And Quick, I bet Raven would have known what to do.

I close my eyes once again, but to my surprise everything is the same as when they were open, except somehow everything is so blurry, and when I touch the door my hand reaches right through. I step quickly through the door and wonder if I can go through the door, why not the ground? Nothing really makes sense in this world, but I leave my mind behind somewhere and take to instinct. My legs carry me through the empty hallways and to my surprise they are not endless. Somehow I float above the ground and through the roof onto an abandoned, filthy street. The street starts to shake and I can see my body collapse, though I can not feel it. My eyes burst open and suddenly I am aware of the pain surging through me.

I'd have thought it to be morning, but the sky is dark and pinned up with shattered stars. A car speeds by, splashing mud onto the side walk and I am brought back to reality. Somehow, somehow I just escaped Slade's underground cellar, probably with the power of Raven, and now I stand alone in the middle of Jump City. I sense raven's heart beat lowering, I had planned on going to Titan Tower as soon as I escaped, but I know now that I must find her body and return her soul. How I know this, I have no idea, but that is my mission now, and I know it's the only way to save her.

--------------out of Beast Boy's Perspective----------------

The changeling morphed into a dog, sniffing for the scent of his beloved, broken angel. He searched for hours until his exhausted body broke down in an ally to let the tears fall from his tired eyes. How did it come to this he wondered, forbidding himself of giving up, if it were him he was trying to save maybe, but he wouldn't give up on Raven. The shadows blew across the walls with a sense of hopelessness.

"No…" He sobbed, "I won't give up, I'll just cry…let it all go, and then get back up on my feet…" Raven's heart beat was faint now. There wasn't enough time to heal. He stumbled back onto his feet and listened to the silent wisps of wind. A hushed noise broke the silence, Beast Boy could hear sobs and mumbling. Slowly he walked toward the noise.

"Raven wake up! Raven please…Raven…" Said a voice.

"Raven?! Who's there?!" Beast Boy Shouted, she was somewhere near, he began to run toward the voice but when he turned to look the sight burned his eyes. Raven lay lifeless in Cyborg's arms. Beast Boy ran to her his eyes blurry with tears, and he wasn't ashamed. What mattered if he was seen crying, Raven was dieing, that's all that mattered. Cyborg wouldn't look up at Beast Boy or even acknowledge his presence. He cradled her in his arms away from Beast Boy.

"Cy let me see her, I have to see her, Cy she's DIEING!"

"I can see that you idiot!" The half human screamed with frustration, but he surrendered the girl to her savior, though he wished with everything he could be the one to save her, it didn't matter now. Through his hurt he could tell, Beast boy was the one, the only one…

Beast Boy closed his eyes and was set in the same place but there was no one there besides him and Raven. He carefully held Raven's fragile soul in his arms. Slowly he lowered her soul in place with her body and let it sink back in. Before anything weird could happen his eyes opened again. The boy's hand pressed to her neck and felt a strong pulse, she was back, merely unconscious. He sighed with relief and held her body protectively. Cyborg stared at Beast Boy deathly.

"What did you do to her Beast Boy, it was your fault she had to come looking out here for you in the first place, but what did you with her soul?!" Cyborg thrust his fist into the ground trying to hold himself back from strangling the little green changeling. Silence, Beast Boy stared shocked at Cyborg, his best buddy, his pal, what had he done wrong to be hated in this way. "THIS IS YOUR FAULT YOU IDIOT!" Cyborg burst and tried to collect himself. "She almost died Beast Boy, she almost died because of you, people don't come back when they die…" His voice was shaky with the painful thought. 'And somehow I doubt she would have risked herself for me…' Cyborg didn't say this, but he felt it well up inside him. How could he not see it before, that she was so in love with his friend? The way she looked at him, the way he talked of her. Nothing would ever be the same again now that the blinds were lifted. How could he, how could he be the one for her, it made no sense, but he knew it was true. He was hopeless.

"ANSWER ME!" He burst again.

"I didn't do anything wrong, She tried to possess me, and when Terra brainwashed me she actually hurt Raven instead, and then Raven's soul was stuck in my mind…"

"You let Terra hurt her?!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't want it to be that way, I'm so…sorry…." Beast Boy broke down and started to cry, Cyborg was about to tell him that sorry wouldn't heal Raven, but he saw the hurt in Beast Boy's eyes and knew he was hurt too.

"We should get Raven back to Titans' Tower, why don't you fly her over there, don't worry about me I'll find my way back. I'll only slow you down anyway…" Beast boy was about to protest but Cyborg put up his hand. "Just go." The truth was Cyborg wasn't in the mood to be near the changeling just then, especially when Raven was in his arms, when she'd wake up Beast Boy would be the one she'd smile at. Beast Boy morphed in a Peridactle and held Raven delicately in his beak, there was a strong gust of wind as he lifted from the ground and headed to Titans's Tower. Cyborg was left alone, but he'd felt alone for a long time anyway, and he gloomily walked in the direction he'd hoped would be home, if he could call it home anymore.

---------------------elsewhere, at the Tower------------

Robin and Starfire stood frozen in front of the tower.

"Robin what are we to do, they are so numerous, and we are the only ones here to fight…" Robin was still gaping at the sight of what seemed to be at least a thousand of Slade's robots marching towards the tower. The evil was so great it drained the air of all hope.

"We've beat impossible before, all we can to is fight…" Robin spoke, but Starfire knew him too well, the strong confident Robin, was very scared. Without a second to spare they started attacking the robots mercilessly. At first it seemed alright but then more and more started attacking at the same time.

'Where are our friends?' Starfire wondered as she tried to escape the tight choke of a robot swarm.

"Starfire!" Robin shouted. "Starfire, I just had to tell you this before we d-, I just! I just need you to know!" A robot tackled him to the ground as he made an effort to speak. "I love you Starfire!" Starfire smiled though tears burned her eyes and blood stained her lungs.

"I love you too Robin…" She whispered, but it was enough for him to hear.

------------------back to Raven and Beast Boy.--------------

It had been hours that they had searched for their way home, Beast Boy had lost track of Cyborg a long time ago. Out of no where a painful beam hit Beast Boy's wing, and he felt himself falling quickly toward the street, with a snap reflex he turned into a kangaroo, holding Raven in his pouch, and jumped as soon as his feat touched the ground. He took Raven out of his pouch and transformed back into a human. He wondered what had shot him, but only for a second, his eyes fell into the gaze of Cyborg.

"Cyborg, did you?"

"Yes."

"But…why?" Beast Boy was frightened by the look in Cyborg's eyes, a cold blooded stare.

"Because you ruined my life Beast Boy, now give me Raven before you hurt again. I'd never hurt her you know, because I love her." Cyborg spoke strongly and with such anger that it shocked the green boy. It wasn't until now that Beast Boy knew Cyborg had felt that way, but he felt that way too, and there was no way he'd give Raven's fragile body to madman.

"What happened to you? This isn't the Cyborg I know!" Beast Boy shouted as Cyborg slowly walked towards him, the fear in Beast Boy's face could not be hidden.

"I said give her to ME!" Cyborg said and his fist went hurling towards Beast Boy, he ducked but in the process fell right to the ground letting Raven rest on the ground beside him. He noticed that Cyborg right then, reminded him of…Terra…

"You…You're just like TERRA!" Beast Boy shouted, amazed at what had happened to his friend. "Cyborg, stop it, I'm you're fr-" This time Cyborg's fist didn't miss and it thrust into Beast Boy's chest. In fast reflex Beast Boy transformed into a bear and scratched the side of Cyborgs face. He didn't want to hurt his friend, his best friend, the friend he could count on, play games with, laugh with, the only one he'd ever thought of telling his secret to. This wasn't Cyborg, it couldn't be. Raven's body grew cold on the cement as the rain began to fall, mixing water droplets with blood sweat and tears. But no one seemed to notice that the one they had been fighting for, the thing that meant most to both of them was unconsciously shivering painfully. Cyborg's hand held Beast Boy above the ground, by the neck.

Why

Bleeding is breathing

You're hiding

Underneath the smoke in the room

Try

Bleeding is believing

I used to…

Used to…. –Natalie Imbruglia

Author Note: first of all, Review! I am terribly sorry it took so long to post this and I'm not about to give a list of excuses don't worry, who wants to read that? Anyway hopefully now that my sport is over and I don't have that sickness where I start fainting anymore and fanfiction is working again I'll be able to post these more frequently. I just saw that Finding Neverland movie the other day, and just as believing in fairies keeps them alive, reviewing does the same for the story, every time I get a review I just have to start writing more, so please review and thank you to those that do!

Forevermore, RavenNevermore18

p.s. do tell me which perspective you like the most, I like Raven's but obviously I couldn't do that in this chapter, so please give suggestions and opinions.


	11. The Awakening of a Snow Angel

Author note: First of all THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS, I just had to get that out, accept for the one just attacking the flamer, if you're going to review please talk about what you think of my story. But never the less, I have 60 reviews, I'm really excited, and thanx to people like Cynthia who say really touching things in their reviews! You all can e-mail/IM me I wouldn't mind. Anyway I think this chapter will deal with a lot of emotion, my favorite thing to write about, so read on!

**Prologue to chapter 11- Cyborg's perspective before finding BB and Raven. **

"Where am I? Where am I going…" I stopped still in my tracks with a feeling of

hopelessness. I had no idea where Titan's Tower was, suddenly the city felt so big, but so

small. So empty for someone like me. The clouds above twisted in charcoal mists of

melancholy, and I, half cold wired machinery, half broken human heart, stared up into the awry sky. Never had I felt this way, never had I felt so betrayed, so useless, and I could not think of anytime before that self hatred had pierced my heart with a poisonous sting such as this. There was no going back, this was the end, the point of no return.

I felt a dark spiral envelope my soul, swallowing me whole, I was being choked by the darkness, my own darkness. My knees gave in to the pain and collapsed to the unmerciful, sharp edged pavement. Was this all I had come to be? Was this all I would ever be. I felt no restraints holding me back, no will to hold on any longer. My heart drifted into the shadows of my mind where I could not feel, and all I could do in this world was look at my memories. I could only remember the love I had felt, the pain I had felt, but it didn't hurt now.

All I knew is that all I wanted was Raven, and that the only one who took her away from me was Beast Boy. In this emotionless world I used my head, my logic, not my feelings, and what my head wanted me to do was. What I HAD to do was…kill him. I had to kill Beastboy. That was the only way I could survive. I had to, whether any one could understand or not, THAT is what I HAD to, that's what he had made me do, yes, it was Beastboy's fault, Raven had to understand that. If she couldn't understand me, than who?

What Cyborg didn't know was, there was a greater power that brought these thoughts to mind.

---------------------------------current time---------------------------------------------

"CYBORG NO!" Beast Boy yelped though he could barely breathe. Cyborg held Beast Boy by the neck, his body struggling to survive hovering several feet above the ground. "If not for me what about the team? Weir a team Cyborg we need to save the city, you don't kill people on your own team…" Cyborg stared emotionlessly at the changeling, he couldn't care less about the team.

"People in teams don't betray one another, people in teams don't risk one another's lives like you did to Raven! The "Team" will be a whole lot safer once you're gone!" Cyborg tightened his grip.

"You know Raven doesn't think that, Cyborg, you're just like Terra, you're so selfish…" Beast Boy gasped out in a whisper. Cyborg's eyes creased with anger, just hearing the name Raven come from Beast Boy's mouth, it was enough to make him want to…

Beastboy was thrust onto the cold cement, his body now soaking with the liquid ice that was still pouring form the dark sooty sky. Before Beastboy could catch his breath Cyborg plunged his foot into BeastBoy's stomach causing him to shout out in pain. This brought a wicked smile to Cyborg's face, but he wasn't happy, in fact, somewhere deep inside him something broke.

Angry with this sudden feeling of regret Cyborg tried to make himself forget it by driving his fist into BeastBoy's face. There was now the bitter, salty taste of blood in BeastBoy's mouth. The feeling of nausea faded as Beast Boy drifted away into unconsciousness. Horrified Cyborg stood over his friend. Had he really done that? Had he hurt him that much?

Cyborg walked backward shaking his head. No he hadn't done it. No, he did do it…yes he did it, but he HAD to. He had to do that. Still, why did sorrow still linger in him, didn't he just solve all of his problems? A voice in his head scolded him, told him that he hadn't accomplished anything, because Beast Boy wasn't dead, he was still alive. But the confusion of his soul and mind were too much.

"I'll just…leave him here." He whispered. "I'll leave him here to die, and if he doesn't die Terra will find him, and that's as close to dieing as he needs, because she'll never let him see Raven again…" Cyborg smiled faintly, still not happy. Suddenly in close distance Cyborg heard a soft painful groaning. Turning his head he saw Raven, awake but barely awake, and her eyes were still closed. Quickly Cyborg rushed to her cradling her in his arms, he had to take her away, away from this place, before she saw what had become of her lover. But that was over, Cyborg would be her lover from now on, or at least he convinced himself of that.

Holding her in his arms he began his journey to nowhere, elsewhere, anywhere but there. He noticed that her body was numb and ice-cold, hopefully she'd be alright, but the rain still came down in heavy sheets, threatening to take her away from him. They had to find shelter, someplace warm.

"W-w-whh" Raven's lips trembled bringing her face once more to the attention of Cyborg. He stopped in his tracks to look into her frozen, confused eyes.

"What is it Raven?" Cyborg listened intently touching her cheek hoping that his hands had the slightest bit of warmth left. She looked up at him, her eyes looked old and sad, like she'd been through so much more then she should have. Her lips opened to speak once again.

"Wh-where is…he?" Raven asked, finding it hard to move her lips.

"Where's who?" Cyborg asked, terrified that he knew the answer.

"Where's Beast Boy?" She spoke in a tone of sorrow, listening to the raindrops glide through the thick solid air and patter in rhythm and harmony onto the streets and trees. Cyborg closed his eyes in sheer terror and self loathing. He knew this would happen, he knew he would be the one she'd want to see when she woke up, he struggled to stay strong and not to drop her, she was so fragile now, in his arms. She would understand soon, that she didn't need Beast Boy, that Cyborg loved her more, he had to make her understand.

"Do you know…where he is?" she repeated, sensing that something was wrong. Cyborg opened his eyes once again to gaze into hers, trying his best to look sincere.

"He's…dead Raven…" He whispered and held her tightly. She stared at him hard for a few seconds, her expression baffled and confused, unable to accept the concept of Beastboy being dead, it simply couldn't be, he couldn't be…but no matter how much she told herself this she just couldn't understand what she believed. Cyborg looked to her in pity and she broke into tears. She couldn't save him…she couldn't save him… she was as small as a teardrop in the rain.

"I couldn't save him…" she spoke quietly to herself, unable to hold the pain within. Cyborg felt terrible, how could she ever understand that it was supposed to be this way all along.

"But you tried, we all did…I know my buddy Beast Boy, he would want you to be happy. He always liked it when you smiled…" Cyborg said, though it hurt him more than it helped her. "He spent so much time, just trying to make you smile…" Cyborg whispered as he just realized that himself. But she still cried, the pain wouldn't go away, and she didn't have the will to even try and make it. Cyborg took a few more steps and looked beyond, he noticed that they were close to the shore of the island, the Island where home was. Then he noticed in shock that it was being destroyed by Slade's Robots, and he remembered that they had left Robin and Starfire there alone to fight.

"Oh MY GAWD!" Cyborg yelled. "Raven, Raven we have to save them!" She turned her head in the direction of the tower and her mouth fell open. Was this her fault? Every one she loved would die. Was that the way it would be? Was that the curse of being half demon? Cyborg ran to the shore but halted, how would they get across the water?

"I can do it…" Raven spoke. " I'm still a bit weak, but we have to save our friends." She looked to Cyborg and he put her down.

"But Raven-" Too late, she slowly began to levitate and then conjured up enough power to lift Cyborg above the ground. "Raven…" He whispered, astonished at the strength she found within herself, and this made him feel even worse, Raven could find her way through the darkness, she didn't give into it. Because Raven was strong, stronger than he could ever be.

She flew wobbly over the water managing to keep hold of Cyborg. Thousands of raindrops sunk into the water spreading into endless rings. Just as they reached land Cyborg slipped out of her hands landing in a soft patch of sand. He caught her as she fell weekly from the sky.

"Raven…thank you.." He said but she cringed as she lifted herself up and began walking to the tower.

"Come on, we have to save them! This is all my fault for leaving the tower!" She spoke painfully and this surprised Cyborg, he hadn't realized that she felt guilty for all this.

"Raven!" Cyborg said catching up to her. "It's not your fault!" He tried to convince her though he knew it would be useless.

"You're wrong…If I hadn't left to find Beastboy, he'd still be alive…and we'd have been here long ago to fight the robots, gawd I'm so STUPID!" She pulled her hair in frustration, trying to control the tears and keep them in her eyes. But when they found Starfire and Robin on the ground atop piles of shattered glass and rubble, the tears wouldn't stay.

"Raven? Cyborg? Is that you my friends?" Raven heard Starfire's near silent raspy voice. Yes they were still alive, but they were holding onto life by a string, Raven looked to Starfire's cut and beaten face. Raven wondered where the robots had suddenly gone, she ran over to Starfire and hugged her, crying more heavily, it was all her fault.

"No friend Raven…no don't cry…it's alright, because you see," Raven looked into Starfire's sad eyes, yet somehow, through Starfire's tears she had a heartbreaking smile. "Robin, loves me…" Starfire looked to Robin who was hurt even worse than she was, he had only one eye open, the other was badly bruised and swollen. "and I…love Robin…" Raven stared at Starfire in aw of her naive optimism, maybe Raven was strong, or maybe she only seemed that way because she had to control her emotions, but Starfire, she never gave up on hope. Cyborg just stared at the 3 of them, feeling like and outsider in his own home.

"Starfire…" Raven's eyes were full of tears and her voice was shaky and hard to understand. "Beastboy…he's dead…" Raven screamed. Starfire gasped and she found it hard to breathe, Robin's eye widened as a piece of debris crumbled in his hand.

"No...Raven, tell me this is the humor you call sarcasm, tell me that is not true…" Starfire's smile was gone.

"No Starfire…it is true, and I loved him, like you love Robin…" Raven spoke lightly closing her eyes trying to convince herself that this was a dream, and she would wake up, any second, yes any second she would wake up…

Cyborg collapsed onto his knees, he knew it wasn't true, he knew Beast Boy wasn't dead. But could he tell them that now? Still, Raven was so sad, she'd never be the same, she'd never smile again. The sudden movement of a dark object caught his eye, but not before a laser hit Raven's left shoulder. A shrill scream was heard echoing through the shell of a home, but in complete anger she lifted herself above the ground to gaze at the thousands of robots now in front of her.

"NO SLADE! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HURT ANY ONE ANYMORE! NOT AS LONG AS I BREATHE!" Her body was lifted into the air surrounded by a dark threatening light. There was an explosion of emotion, all her pain, her regret, her sorrow, her hatred her fear, it was all wrapped in one ball of darkness, and it all exploded.

All the robots exploded from the inside out, the earth rumbled, it shook, pieces of building fell randomly to dust. It all happened so quickly, every single one was destroyed, however her friends were safe, because she loved them, and her hatred couldn't destroy those she loved. But within an instant she felt the effect, drained of all power but the power to breathe. She collapsed to the crumbled ground gasping for air. Everything hurt, it felt like her heart was bleeding. Cyborg rushed to Raven taking her into his arms.

"Raven… are you alright?" He whispered to her. "You're amazing…" Her body felt so cold in his arms When had it gotten this cold? Every one looked up to the sky, the rain had turned to snow.

"Raven, did Raven make it snow?" Starfire asked with curiosity in her voice.

"Starfire." Robin stood up on his feet and helped Starfire get up. They gazed upon one another in love. She jumped gently into his arms and he held her tightly, they both looked up into the sky. Cyborg still kneeled on the ground clutching Raven to his chest, giving her all the warmth he could. He wondered if Beast Boy would survive the snow, or if he would soon really be dead. Raven weakly gazed up into the sky reaching her hand out to touch the perfect little ice angels.

Her eyes shimmered in memory of Beast Boy, the past winters they had, he threw snow balls at her and ran laughing but not before she got him back. She remembered her first winter at Titan's Tower, she had somehow found herself out in the dark beneath the stars watching the snow fall down. Beast Boy had found her there, that's when they discovered that both of them liked to lye beneath the stars at night when they couldn't sleep.

Somehow they found themselves making snow angels, flapping their arms and legs in the snow to make wings. Back then Raven had a bit more trouble controlling her powers, so she curiously peered into his thoughts, and to her surprise she heard him say in his mind,

"Raven, she's so beautiful…an angel" That was the first time since she arrived that Raven had smiled. She even giggled, just a bit. Beast Boy smiled.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"nothing, nothing at all." She said and then forced her smile to fade away, she didn't trust him yet.

"Hey look." Beast Boy announced. "We have wings." She had to hide her face beneath her hair for this time she smiled, and it felt nice too, it felt nice to smile, it made her warmer.

'Even with wings I don't want to fly away' she thought to herself and looking at him she knew she never would fly away from this wonderland he brought her to every time he smiled, even if she wanted to. Of course she tried to destroy that memory, Raven didn't want to feel, she didn't even realize back then that she loved him, she didn't know

the difference between friendship and love yet. It wasn't until now that she remembered.

This is my december  
These are my snow covered dreams  
This is me pretending  
This is all I need

'My beautiful broken angel…'she thought. 'Even though you are broken, and I am still left to fly, I will never fly away from this land you gave me, never.' The words echoed in her head and she wondered if they were loud enough for every one else to feel.

What I am about to post is a song by Linkin Park, you don't have to read it but I suggest you do, I think it's amazing how well this song can go with the story, and no I didn't shape this chapter around the song, I just decided it relates to the story, so please read.

My December-Linkin Park

This is my december  
This is my time of the year  
This is my december  
This is all so clear  
This is my december  
This is my snow covered home  
This is my december  
This is me alone  
And i  
Just wish that I didnt feel  
Like there was something I missed  
And i  
Take back all the things I said  
To make you feel like that  
And i  
Just wish that I didnt feel  
Like there was something I missed  
And i  
Take back all the things I said to you  
And I give it all away  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
Give it all away  
To have someone to come home to  
This is my december  
These are my snow covered dreams  
This is me pretending  
This is all I need  
And i  
Just wish that I didnt feel  
Like there was something I missed  
And i  
Take back all the things I said  
To make you feel like that  
And i  
Just wish that I didnt feel  
Like there was something I missed  
And i  
Take back all the things I said to you  
And I give it all away  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
Give it all away  
To have someone to come home to

Author Note: Hello again, for those of you who watch degrassi, if any, they can't kill Jimmy! Sorry if you have no idea what I'm talking about, I hope you liked this chapter. I just had to put that song in, I love it so much, and soon I might put up some of my poetry, that is if you want to read it. I'm sorry it took so long, I can't believe I had a huge test EVERY day this weak, a ton of hw, plus I celebrate Chanuka. I just love writing this story, I can't wait to write more, so please review! Go on now it'll only take a minute and it will make all the difference to me!

Happy Holidays, Forever More, RavenNevermore18


	12. Raven's Song

Author Note: A lot happens in this chapter, I'm sorry if it's not written as well as my last chapter, but I'll let you be the judge of that. Oh and thank you to all of my reviewers! I wont keep you any longer now, read! And please read the poem I wrote for this, I promise it's not cheesy.

I Love You My Beautiful Broken Angel

Raven's Song

The song behind the tears, the words that weave their fears, the tune that haunts their dreams, but pulses through their hearts with vigorous determination, hope, and the sacrifice of one's self for another. The very definition of what few dare to call- Love.

Raven's song

He was thrown into the dust

Choking there

Bleeding there

He had given all his trust

To be betrayed

To trip and fade

Will she ever understand

That she can't keep him there

Just by clipping his wings

Will she ever know

That though he can't escape

She can never make

That caged bird sing…

Not for her…

And I open wide my arms

How can I hide when he's in danger

And I sacrifice my heart

How can I let him drown in the arms of a stranger

Even if he won't be mine

And he flies away from this land I saved

I won't let myself cry

I'll stay here

A caged bird

Singing every word

I wish he'd say

Ooo…

Oh… my broken angel

If I die please don't cry

I'll still be here

Oh…my beautiful broken angel

This land is immortal

As long as you believe…

I'll free you… my angel

From his shadow land

Where she chains your hand

Oh…broken angel

I love you…I love you…

Oh…beautiful broken angel

I'm broken too

What was this? The slither of ice on my back, the shiver of snowflakes burying me in layers of heat leaching crystals. I tried to move my arm but it felt so heavy, weighed down by a cold, numb embrace. Finally I willed myself to open my eyes and release myself from the world of darkness in my head. All I heard was the sounds of Raven, somehow I knew it was her I was thinking about, digging into my memories. That first night, the night we shared in the snow, but I was alone now. And Raven was nowhere.

The skies were full of sugar cotton clouds, flirting with one another as they danced along through the sky. Snow flakes fell to the Earth so gently, innocently landing onto the perfectly polished blanket of snow that hugged the city where no one walked. But they weren't so innocent, they were killing me, slowly, making me tired and unaware so that I could drift back into my sleep and never wake up.

The sweet memories of Raven faded and flew to the back of my mind replaced with a solid silence that hung in the air threatening to tare everything apart if it wasn't broken.

"Raven?" I whispered. It was all I could say, I couldn't even hear myself I hadn't spoken for so long, my lungs felt like ice had been forming in them all that time I was unconscious, and at the slightest breath the ice began to brake into little shards of glass. It hurt so much to breathe.

"Raven?!" I repeated though I knew no one could answer. Cyborg had taken her far away by now, I bet he wished I'd just die, die and let him be. Why had he done it? I was his best friend…we were best friends and he tried to kill me, out of no where. Was there some sickness, some sickness that took a hold of people and used their love to create hate, used their pain to make them crazy, devoured by some haze of darkness? And maybe that darkness made them like Terra, Cyborg had become Terra, accept when Terra wanted to hurt Raven it was different, she never liked Raven, I was Cyborg's best friend. His buddy… So there had to be some sickness, I had to find any excuse to make myself believe that that wasn't Cyborg trying to kill me. It wasn't. It couldn't be.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Terra, followed by Slade, walked through the curtains of smoke. Her eyes empty, just as her soul had become. The sun was a ball of icey fire in the sky but its light was cold and could not break through the icey air to the snow coated island that was their home. The Titans raised their heads, peering through the white sky to their enemies, but they were more than enemies now, as far as the Titans were concerned, these two 'people' were murderers.

The Titans, or what was left of them, stared into the cold beady eyes that had shattered their home, their lives. It hurt Raven so much, to see Terra. Everything had gone wrong since they met her, and she knew that, she knew Terra was no good, all along. So why didn't she do something about that sooner. Was there a point to destroying Terra, if Beast Boy was gone, there was no point of any thing to Raven, not then. Hatred rose in her heart but it could not match the amount of pain and sorrow that chipped away at her heart.

Slade stared impatiently at Terra, why wasn't she attacking yet.

"Before I kill you, Raven…" Terra began looking straight into the eyes of Raven. "I must kn-"

"Terra, you are not here to kill Raven, you are here to kill ALL of the Titans!" Slade spit at her, growing impatient.

"I will kill the others, but first Raven, you, Raven…you ruined EVERYTHING FOR ME…" she tried to calm down. "Everything I ever had…" Terra looked toward the ground. "But before I kill you, I must know where Beast Boy is…he's the only thing that matters to me and I know that you know where he is. After all you TOOK him from me! NOW GIVE HIM BACK! Give him back Raven I know you care for him too, if you give him to me I'll spare his life, deal?" Terra sounded aggravated. She was surprised to see that Raven was not afraid or cautious, she was just, sad…every one was just staring at the ground, a tear fell from Raven's cheek and hit the soft snow. There was silence.

"He's not here…" Raven finally broke the silence, Terra only grew more angry.

"Then where IS he?!" Terra screamed and stomped her foot like a little child, no one even stood in a stance to fight her, they all just looked sad.

"He's dead…" Starfire said, for Raven could not, the words echoed so much in Raven's head she wouldn't even notice if she had said them aloud, she probably did about 100 times already. Terra froze, finally feeling the cold that seeped into her skin, what was left of a heart shattered in Terra's chest. She had sold her soul, the only feelings left were her love, well not love any more, a selfish wanting for Beast Boy, and her hatred for everything that stood in her way, namely Raven. That one thing she 'loved' could not be dead. The only reason she was alive was so she could be with him, he couldn't be dead, Trigon had promised her, he promised she could have time to be with him. 'How the HELL CAN HE BE DEAD' She thought and this burned like acid through her veins. Had she been cheated by the Demon? But why should that matter to her, she should be sad because her love was dead. And he'd probably be alive if she had just died and let it be.

"He's not dead, you're lying, you're lying to keep me from finding him. I know you Titans!" Terra's hands clenched into fists. A lie, that's what it had to be, a bloody lie. Her eyes lit with rage and determination, that was it she would have to kill them now. But there was something, something that told her, they weren't lying. Raven had always been the monotone, emotionless goth girl hiding in the shadows. She cared for nothing or so it seemed. So why, why was Raven crying those silent tears? Could Raven cry at something she had made up? Then slowly it came over Terra, she believed it, Beast Boy was dead.

"Raven!" Terra shouted as tears slid down her cheeks. "RAVEN THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" She screamed and a boulder in the near distance broke into a thousand little pieces. Terra waited for Raven's response, she waited for her to defend herself and blame it on Terra.

"I…I know…" Raven spoke uneasily and she collapsed to her knees, landing on the carpet of white. Terra stared at her in disbelief and for some reason felt angry at Raven for not doing what was expected.

"TERRA" Slade shouted, his patience was lost. "TERRA KILL THEM ALREADY"

"There is no reason left to kill them, I'm going to die again soon, the only reason I was here was to be with Beastboy, ands he's gone…so it doesn't matter any more, do whatever you want to me Slade, my heart is broken and I don't care." She spoke stubbornly and turned her head to face him.

"But you do have a reason to live, you must kill Raven, for Raven is responsible for his death. The death of Raven will be enough to have lived for." Slade tried to manipulate her. He could have killed them himself but he was not ready to abandon his plan, it is more painful to die by the hands of an old friend. Terra turned to look at Raven, rage surging through her veins like lead bullets. Her hands lifted into the air surrounded by golden light and she lifted sharp rocks into the air, holding them above Raven casting a long deep shadow on the girl.

"Go on…" Raven smiled sadly. "I'm already dead inside, release me from my body, so I can be with him, in the sky…" She looked happy in a bittersweet way, her eyes full of sorrow, the snowflakes clinging to her hair. Terra got scared. Raven wanted to die? Was it worth killing Raven if she wanted to die? She held the rocks still over Raven's head, unsure of what she should do.

"Raven, no! It isn-" Cyborg began yelling, this had gone too far, Beast Boy really wasn't dead, he knew that, he was the only one that knew that, he couldn't let Raven die because of something he had said, out of selfishness. But before he could tell her the truth Terra interrupted.

"I think I'll let you live Raven, just to see you SUFFER." Terra spoke through clenched teeth, still crying. She threw the rocks back toward the water and wound up hitting Slade straight into the cold liquid surrounding the island. She didn't care. She cared for nothing now. Nothing. Raven just stared at the ground as every one rushed to the water watching Slade's metal armored body sink, he tried to get out, but the cold was getting to him. They all stared silently down at him, was he dying? For the first time no one was around to help him. Was Slade really so vulnerable to this fate? They had always assumed Robin would be the one to destroy him.

Slade tried to move his arms, he tried to swim to the top, but the water was so cold, it was freezing; literally, a thin layer of ice had already formed at the surface. Water filled into his mask faster then he could catch his breath and that seemed to be the end of it. No one ever knew with Slade, whether he was dead or alive, but he seemed pretty dead to them. The last few bubbles of air had escaped him and floated to the surface popping where the water met the sky.

Terra gazed emotionlessly down into the depths of the water and then to the rest of the Titans. It wasn't the most joyous occasion, the death of their sinful enemy. Starfire and Robin stood there half dead, half dying, Raven collapsed upon the cold merciless Earth, and Cyborg watching her with self hatred and regret. Terra just stood there still, first her love, her only love had died, now she stood above the water that held a man, the man that had forced her into death, and he was dead now. Everything was either dead or dying it seemed, and she felt no more, she hurt no more, loved no more, she was just there. She would just wander until death took her, and even then she would not rest, for she had sold her soul to a demon.

"We can't stand here forever." Robin said. "We have to find shelter from this blizzard, our Tower has to be rebuilt, and we have to call the police so they can make sure he's really..." Robin didn't finish, instead he took Starfire's hand as they all gazed back to their shattered home. Slowly every one silently agreed, accept Terra, they would just leave her there, maybe hoping she'd die in the snow. Cyborg walked over to Raven and picked her up, she didn't resist, but he could tell she'd rather stay there and burry herself in the ice. Still he couldn't let her do that, none of them could.

Her skin was as white as the snow trapped in her plum hair, her violet watery eyes so deep with sorrow, but they seemed like hollow, shallow pools of glass. Raven was like a fragile china doll, though you could see her there being carried in Cyborg's arms, you could tell that she wasn't with them, her soul wasn't there, it was somewhere off in the distant sky where she lost herself dreaming. 'Raven! Raven this is all your fault!' She remembered, and it echoed in her heart. 'I…I know…' she thought, 'She's right…it's all my fault…'

The Titans traveled a small exodus to one of their havens, another Titan's Tower with a different group of Titans. They stood at the door, Robin slowly lifted his hand, but it was hard, they all felt frozen, if they survived they knew it would be by a thread, and it would still take them a while to heal from the sickness that had been devouring them inside and out.

"Robin…just ri-ring the door—bell already!" Cyborg muttered, there was no patience left in his tired bones. Robin's finger pushed a button beside the door and they waited for any reaction. Nothing. He pushed it again.

"Alright, alright I'm coming!" It was Kid Flash, how could he of all people take so long to get to the door. But he did eventually and it opened revealing a tired face, instantly his eyes widened with shock.

"Come in come in before you get sicker!" He grabbed them and pulled them inside, shutting the door, he quickly ran out of sight and in the blink of an eye was back with several warm towels that he handed to them. They all followed him as he walked to a large room and started lighting the fireplace. When it was lit and all the titans gathered around the warmth watching the snow melt into water around them, he sat down.

All was silent except for the crackling of the fireplace, the flames licking at logs of wood in their brilliant glow. He stared at them awkwardly awaiting an explanation, anything. He questioned himself, should he wake his comrades up, this seemed pretty important. Eventually Robin felt a stare directed at him, and he, being the unofficial leader of the group, spoke for them all.

"Our home.." he muttered. "It's destroyed…" He spoke and stared into the fire, he felt a pang of embarrassment, he had failed in defending his own home, what would the other's think of him now? But the thought of taunting Robin hadn't even crossed Kid Flash's mind, instead he rose another question, finally figuring out what had been missing.

"Where is your little green friend?" He asked and looked to the sad faces of the titans. No one answered, they all waited for another to speak, but no one did, it hurt too much, and Cyborg felt insanity roll over him, he had to tell them it wasn't true. He gazed down at Raven, he had to…but how, he would be shunned, and she would hate him, forever. No he couldn't tell them, besides; Beast Boy was probably dead from the cold by now anyway.

The silence was enough for the young speedy to know that their friend was no longer with them.

"Oh…" He sighed, and Starfire broke out into tears, Raven didn't cry, she had cried so much her cheeks were stained, she just looked like a hollow body. She looked scared, she looked lost, and her heart was broken. Starfire's sobs were muffled by Robin's shoulder as he tried to comfort her. Everything seemed like it could never be ok again, but they knew it had to be some day, they would heal some day, every one knew that, accept maybe Raven.

The tower was identical to their own, but all the Titans knew that it wasn't at all the same as their old home. They did not feel the comfort and warmth inside that told them they belonged here, that everything was alright. Only a couple times had they met these strangers, other young heroes like themselves, it would be hard to get used to living with them, but hopefully the rebuilding of their tower wouldn't take too long.

All the Titans slept on the large coach until two rooms were cleaned out, one for the guys and one for the girls. Ever since their arrival no one had spoken, no one but Robin who had only answered a few questions.

Raven sat in a corner of the room Starfire shared with her. Her hair was tangled and raggy, her face tired and several shades paler than before, dark circles rested beneath her eyes. Raven looked almost insane, her expression was emotionless and all she'd do was stare out into nowhere, she refused to eat or do anything but sit there, she hadn't showered for the week they had spent in the tower and no one had ever seen her sleeping. She'd just sit there, in that corner.

"Raven…" Starfire's voice was a bit hoarse at first, she hadn't spoken for so long. "Raven you have to get up sometime." Her voice became lighter and normal again, Starfire hadn't smiled in a long time, none of the Titans were happy, but they all showered and eat, they were healing form the sickness they had developed from the cold.

"Friend Raven, you are filthy, you must shower." She waited. "If you don't get up, I'll make you, this isn't healthy Raven, you're rotting away!" Starfire started to cry weakly, she couldn't loose another friend; she couldn't bare that much sorrow. Finally Raven looked up from her world of nowhere and into Starfire's eyes. 'Why is she crying?' Raven wondered. 'Why is she crying…for me? Maybe she cannot see that it is too late for me, all that's left to do is rot away…then I can be with him…in the sky…' Starfire wouldn't allow this though, she grabbed Raven's wrist with a firm grip and pulled her to her feet.

Raven almost fell backwards, her legs felt light and her body heavy, for a few seconds everything blacked out, but the dark haze evaporated as soon as it had come. Starfire's eyes were pierced with fear melted together with shock. Raven followed her gaze to her own wrist, it was scarred. Long thin scars were cut into her smooth chalk white skin, the sight brought back memories that shoved Raven's eyes away from the picture, to her own nails, they had grown long now, broken and sharp.

"Raven…" Starfire's voice was a whisper. "How did this happen to you, you were in that corner the whole time, how did you get hurt?" They say ignorance is bliss, perhaps it is better not to know what these things mean, the tall and naive Tammeranean stared into the demon child's eyes, though they refused to meet her gaze.

"Raven, did YOU do this? To yourself?" Raven's eyes forced themselves closed, she could feel so much pain radiating from Starfire's heart, so much confusion. "But Why…why did you do this Raven…please tell me why…I can help you!" Starfire squeezed Raven's hand. She felt so helpless, her friend had been doing this all that time and she hadn't even noticed, she had to help Raven, she had to. 'It's too late to help me.' Raven thought, still too tired to speak, too stubborn to take care of herself when her love was dead.

"Raven you're not going to do this anymore! You're going to heal with me, and some day you will be alright again. I know we won't be able to look back and smile…but we'll be alright, I promise that Raven, please just listen to me." Starfire begged and Gripped Raven's arm once more, dragging her to where the bathroom was. Raven felt too sorry for Starfire to hold back, she felt a large ball of guilt form in her chest. She did it again. She hurt someone, so terribly. She never meant for it to be that way, she never meant it…to be that way.

Starfire dragged Raven into the shower box and turned the faucet on. Cold droplets rained on Raven's sensitive skin followed by the pitter patter. At first they stung her, but then a soothing feeling came over her, it reminded her of the rain.

Starfire left her there, leaving out soap and shampoos she prayed the lost girl would use, if not, she would have to help Raven clean herself, but she hoped that was not needed, Raven would first be left alone. Starfire walked toward the door but before she left, a shiny object caught her eye. She snatched the razor blade on the counter, pained that she could not trust her friend with such objects. And then she left the lost girl to herself, in the allusion of rain.

The water gradually became warmer, and a light mist coated the glass of the box. Raven's clothes were soaking now, drenched with water weighing her down and clinging to her chest almost making it hard to breathe. Her arm stung, she held it up in the water and gazed at the scars, one for every day he had been gone. Each brought back painful memories, she had been sitting in that corner, but she wasn't there, she was off somewhere with herself, in memories of him.

She slowly collapsed to her knees in the hollow rain box, it brought to her the memories of rain. For every memory she had a song, as time passed the songs grew sadder and more quiet. There were so many memories for the rain, Spring rain when the water droplets would rest on blooming flowers and green tree leaves, it was late at night, she was by herself. She couldn't sleep that night, but the stars were covered by dark clouds so she walked by herself in the park under the rain. The song was happy, she hummed feeling the joy of life around her, the rapture of thirsts clenched and joy born.

Then she did something she thought she'd never do. Her spirit was so light, and there was no one around, nothing to hold her back. She began to twirl lightly on the ground singing with the wind, listening to every rain drop meet the ground. She felt a beauty so ethereal wind up inside her and let itself go, and she was happy, dancing in the rain in a field of flowers. Her hair formed to the side of her cheeks and her arms stretched out wide opening her heart to the sky. Without realizing it, she slowly began to float into the air, feeling nothing but content and rapturous. Her mother had loved magic, especially the magic of nature, and she could imagine her mother smiling with her just then, yes she was dancing with her, her mother was the rain.

Of course she would never admit this to anyone, it didn't fit her monotone, demure personality that she hid behind. She thought she saw a bird, a beautiful green little bird in the trees, it chirped along with her song and she never questioned it, though she thought it might be, him. Still this day she wondered if it was him, and she hoped it was, he was the only person she could think of now, that she'd want to see her real soul.

Raven hugged her legs to her chest and smiled weakly. There were so many memories to the rain. Pictures flashed before her eyes, She held Beast Boy in the sky after Terra had harmed in, another when she had awoken to find only Cyborg beside her, BeastBoy was gone, she saw Starfire and Robin, they were dying, and then rain turned to snow. Her Mother had said once, before Raven's powers truly developed and they were hiding from her father, when her mother still loved her. 'she always loved you, don't listen to lies' one of her emotions said, but she pushed the voice away. When her mother still loved her, she told her the rain symbolized eternity and rebirth. Though all things die, it is the cycle, and all things are reborn, the rain gives life to those things, and that's why it rains after death. It rains to show us there is rebirth, and we must move on.

But how could she move on, how could she?

At the same time Starfire, Robin, and Cyborg all sat in the kitchen, staring at the table.

"How's Raven?" Cyborg asked, he was the first one to speak, the first one to speak in a long time. All eyes were directed at him, but then to Starfire.

"She's showering…" The young girl spoke, you could see in her eyes that something was wrong. Should she tell them? Should she tell them what Raven had been doing to herself? Maybe it was what she should do, she didn't know how to cure Raven, maybe they did. Robin seemed to know everything, he was perfect, at least he was to Starfire.

"Starfire what's wrong?" Robin asked, he could detect that Starfire was not telling them everything. His eyes creased with worry. She collapsed her head to his shoulder hiding her face with hair. She let out a sob and then.

"Raven…She cuts herself…I saw…" She whispered loud enough for all three of them to hear. Instantly she wanted to take it back, she felt like she had betrayed her friend, but honestly she told herself it was what she had to do. It was all she could do to help Raven, all she wanted to do was save Raven. Robin looked worriedly at Cyborg and he returned the stare, gaping with terror. "Why does she do that? Why would any one hurt themselves?" Starfire asked. Robin placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Some people think, it makes them feel better. Like they can control something, when everything is wrong. That they can't take it any more and that is their last option." Robin spoke. "But in the end all it does is hurt them more, and everything around them. Starfire, promise you'll never do it." He added quickly, worried that she didn't understand and believed it was ok to do. She nodded her head.

"I promise." At that moment Cyborg jumped up from his seat. It had gone far enough, he couldn't take this any more, all of this, from one little lie he had told. It was terrible that every one was so miserable, but Raven, for her it was something more. She was hurting herself, if he didn't let the truth out soon, she might do something worse. Everyone looked up at him, his mouth opened to speak, but out came nothing. He looked around, he couldn't tell them, they'd kick him out, he'd have nowhere to go, and Raven, she'd hate him forever. No he couldn't tell them, but then how? How would he let them know the truth?

"I'm going out for a walk." He spoke.

"In the snow?" Asked Robin.

"Yes."

"But friend Cyborg, it is too cold outside you are not yet well."

"I need some time to myself." Was his last reply and he darted to the door before they could ask him another question. The snow outside was lighter than before, he ignored the cold and quickened his pace. He would go to the city. He would go to the city and find BeastBoy.

Author Note: Thanks for reading now please review! I mean it! It means everything to me those reviews, tell me if you liked it, what you thought I could have done better, your predictions, anything! Thank you to the people that do review and a special shout out to Daydreamer, the internet really is an amazing thing, I've met my soul sister, and she's really special to me. Review and goodbye! P.s. When the heck are they going to show NEW episodes? I want to see Bunny raven, and sorry if Raven was out of character in this chapter. I can't wait to write the next one, it'll be very dramatic I promise. Love you all.

RavenNevermore18


	13. Fallen Angels

Author Note: First of all thanx for reviewing! I have nearly 100 reviews I'm so exited. I really want to answer all your reviews for chapter 12 but I hate to keep you waiting, so I will do that at the end of the chapter author note. For now I just want to ask you to read this poem, it fits really well with the story, I just wrote it and discovered that it blends in nicely. Oh btw, I listened to an Evanescence song while writing this chapter, I suggest "Breathe No More" By Evanescence.

My Poem

A Hidden World

Winter comes

It sips the life away

Leaving trees bare

And skies grey

I can't find the fire

Beneath the ice

Whispers tell me

You're on the other side

Where the water still flows

Can you take me away

To that place

Where flowers bloom in snow

Can you fly me away

To that world

Only you know where it grows

Only you know

Where a song

Can light a fire

Where the sun's still warm

Shining for your empire

It's hidden somewhere

In my dreams

Whispers tell me you have the key

To release everything

Can you take me away

To that place

Where I feel light as air

And we dance smoothly

As I listen to my heart race

Are your arms

Strong enough to hold me close

I float around you

And I'm scared you'll let go

Can you fly me away

To the land of ever after

Fly me away

To where flowers bloom in snow

Take me away

Before times grows any faster

Take me to a place

Where we will never grow old

A place only we know where it grows

Only we know

"Are you sure we should not go after him?" Starfire asked, she was worried. You would be too if everything around you was falling apart, had all ready fallen, so deep beyond reach. She stared at where Cyborg had been just a minute ago rushing out the door.

"Some people just need to be left alone at times, we have to respect that." Robin spoke calmly, his usual response. Starfire stared right into his eyes, that was not enough for her to hear, fear was shaking in her eyes.

"But we left Raven alone, and because of that!" Starfire didn't finish, she bit her lip, she couldn't start crying again or she'd never stop. Crying solved nothing it only hurt other people and made them sorry for you. He pulled her to him, not needing telepathy to feel her pain, she had never felt so much pain before. Whenever Starfire had pain she dealt with it optimistically but she couldn't think of any excuse to smile then.

"Raven's been taking a really long shower, why don't you see if she's ok." Robin was worried too, but he always responded to worry with action. She nodded her head and rose to her feet. It took her a few seconds to recall standing up, for her mind was elsewhere. And then she became aware of how uncomfortable it was to stand on such wobbly legs. The young girl rose a couple feet into the air and began flying toward the bathroom. The closer she came, the louder she could hear the sound of water droplets drumming the bottom of the box.

"Raven?" She said as she approached the door. No answer only the sound of rain. Had Raven fallen asleep there, or perhaps she couldn't hear beneath the curtains of water droplets. Or maybe…maybe she had fallen from weakness, she hadn't eaten for quite some time, what if she was hurt? A sudden fear swept over Starfire and with that thought she did not hesitate to open the door.

"Raven?" She spoke louder as the door opened with a creek but there was no response. Starfire took a few steps into the bathroom and found that she had stepped in a puddle, water had leaked all about the tiles from the door of the shower box, it was slightly open. "Raven?" This time her voice was loud with fear. She slid the door open so fast water came spilling out all over the floor, onto her boots. The sight Starfire saw was worse than she had expected.

"RAVEN WHERE ARE YOU?!" There was no one there. It was completely empty.

-----------------------------------------------Cyborg-------------------------------------------------

Ever since he had left the tower Cyborg had been running. He was doing the last thing he wanted to do, finding the only one keeping him from Raven. Finding the person he never wanted to see again. And though he didn't want to do this, he wanted to do it more than anything, because BeastBoy was the only one that could save Raven. The only one.

His metal boots clanked against the pavement leading towards the city where Beastboy was last seen. It was an abandoned city, nobody dared to tread that territory. Always at that spot there were random explosions, terrible things happened there that frightened people so much they just ran and left the city the way it was when they were there, it was now an empty city of sky scrapers and roads. But there were no people and no cars, this was because below that land Slade lived, and he'd done a good job of clearing the land out. Wait, Slade didn't live there any more, Cyborg had just remembered, because Slade was dead.

"I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
and I'm the only one and I walk alone"

The cold wind scraped his skin with a burning sensation, and it pained him that he could not help Raven. It pained him that she was so in love with Beastboy that she was blind to him. The ground was still coated with snow but the sky was empty now, only left with brushstrokes of light misty grey and a few lone clouds that wandered.

"Damned Beastboy….damn him…wish he was never born…" Cyborg spoke in shaky whispers to himself, watching the water vapor escape from his mouth. Cyborg walked alone, he realized that he was always alone, and once Beast Boy came back his only company would be the shadows of walls. He felt the darkness peer into his heart, maybe he could understand Terra now. But no, no he couldn't, Terra had hurt Raven terribly, Terra and Beastboy, he wanted them both to just disappear.

"My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone"-Greenday

Cyborg had been wandering off with his mind into the clouds and then he remembered he was there to look for Beastboy. But there were so many corners in the city, how could he ever find Beastboy beneath the snow. Finally he had stumbled into a familiar area, A closed down coffee shop was only a few feet away and next to that there was an alley where they had been. Where he had held Beast Boy by the neck.

"If he's still there…he can't be alive…Gawd don't tell me he's still there!" Cyborg ran on the dark sugar coated ground, his feet crunching into prints on the snow. And there he was, right where Cyborg had left him. His body was partially berried in snow but Cyborg could detect a slight breathing from the tiny torso. Cyborg instantly began scraping all the snow from Beastboy's body beginning to feel horrible. The boy was cold as ice and still bruised. It was the first time Cyborg felt badly about what he'd done to his friend. He didn't feel bad because of what it did to Raven this time, but he felt the sorrow of himself, he had betrayed his best friend. Beast boy was one of the 2 people dearest to him, and he had brought him to near death.

"Beast Boy…forgive me…" He spoke, holding back the tears, he told himself he was too strong for crying. "Come on man wake up, I'll do anything, Raven needs you. Come on BB!" Cyborg lifted Beastboy from the snow and shook him lightly. The slightest grunt came from BeastBoy's mouth, and then the return of near normal breathing, he was very weak. His eyes opened halfway's length and stared up at Cyborg confused.

"C-Cy?" He spoke with a raspy painful voice. It shot pity through Cyborg's spine and he stared at his friend with amazement. Beastboy had done it, he had survived, it had seemed impossible but somehow, he did it. Cyborg wished he could take it all away, what he did, he felt the darkness leaving his soul. The hatred started to fade. Cyborg still felt jealous, but that could not make him hate his friend, he could never hurt him that way, now that he realized this. He wondered now how he ever could, it couldn't have been him, he had to have had someone else's memory.

"Yea BB it's me." Cyborg smiled warmly and it broke the cold glassy air.

The two shared a calm, kind silence. With Cyborg's help Beastboy was lifted to his feet, now wobbly standing and leaning on his friend for support, the friend that was once lost and now found.

"So what's it been like at the Tower? The others…did they miss me? How long has it been anyway…how long have I been here?" Beast Boy had a slight smile on his face, he was finally going home now. It had seemed like months to him since he had last been home. Cyborg's smile instantly faded, how could he tell him? How could he tell him that he had told the others he was dead, how could he tell him that their home was destroyed, that Robin and Starfire nearly died, that Raven had hurt herself, because she thought Beastboy was gone forever…The changeling looked up at his friend, anxiously awaiting to catch up with the time he had lost in that frozen desert. Sure he was mad at Cyborg but he tried to push that to the back of his mind, Cyborg was alright now, he had found himself, and maybe everything could just be normal again, maybe.

"BB, I'm sorry I…I kind of told everybody you were, dead." Cyborg looked off into the distance feeling ashamed and pitiful. Beast Boy looked confused and kind of angry.

"Why'd you do that?!" He demanded, and though Cyborg wouldn't meet his glare BeastBoy stared coldly into his eyes, the light there flickering with betrayal. Cyborg just kept walking as the changeling tried to catch up to him, limping on his right leg.

"Because…I was supposed to kill you BB. You were supposed to be dead, but I couldn't kill you, so I just made everyone believe you were." He didn't go into detail about him wanting Raven for himself, Beastboy didn't need to know that as far as he was concerned. Even if he wasn't really dead, he was dead in the minds of the Titans. That's what Cyborg had wanted out of his death, so he had gotten the result he wanted, accept…it's not what he wanted at all. Not at all.

Beast Boy still didn't understand what Cyborg was talking about, why was he supposed to die? But instead of asking this he just pondered the question to himself. It couldn't be Raven could it? Beastboy didn't even have Raven, for all he knew she could love someone else. But Cyborg knew otherwise, he could see in her eyes what the changeling could not. She loved him, she had been meant to love him, she always would.

"Where are we going?" Asked Beast boy, he had realized now that they were walking in the opposite direction of the tower.

"BB our home was destroyed. Slade and Terra destroyed our home with those stupid robots, no one was there to fight but Robin and Starfire, and they couldn't do it alone." Cyborg paused a moment, he would have to tell the green one so many things. So many painful things.

"By the time Raven and I got back, the tower was nothing but debris, and Starfire and Robin held onto life by a string. Raven she…felt so much hurt, believing you were dead and all, her emotions exploded, all the robots were destroyed but we were still homeless, and Slade and Terra came to destroy us." He paused again, he didn't want to finish. Just talking about it hurt him more than he thought it would so he just looked ahead and kept on walking.

"What happened?" Beastboy asked, he needed explanation, too much had happened when he was gone, it could have been avoided if he hadn't been in the picture, if he hadn't gotten so close to Terra.

"To make a long story short Terra got really upset when she heard you were dead and a random rock crashed into Slade, he died in the river, we think. We left Terra at the tower and we traveled to other Titan tower a long way away." He had skipped the part where Raven had wished to die and when she had hurt herself.

"If you wanted to kill me…why'd you come looking for me?" Beastboy pushed the question out, though he was afraid to ask. Cyborg looked to him, first he was going to lie and say he had felt bad about what he did, but when he saw Beasyboy's eyes, he just had to speak the truth. Because he couldn't take the lying anymore, it was becoming a habit.

"If you saw Raven's face when she heard you were dead…you would have done anything to get her to smile again." They shared a look of understanding, and continued walking.

Raven's POV

Winter comes

It sips the life away

Leaving trees bare

And skies grey

I can't find the fire

Beneath the ice

Whispers tell me

You're on the other side

Where the water still flows

My feet grew heavy as I walked up the stairs to the roof. Finally I reached the flat cold surface that held me in a sky above the waves that crashed onto the salty shoreline. I stood there for a minute just staring into the hollow chalky sky. Without warning a single snowdrop kissed the tip of my nose and I raised my hands to the sky, the broken sky was crying frozen tears. One by one the children of sorrow, the snowflakes, fell to the earth, some melting, some daring to stay with me and keep me company. But I was all alone, now that he was gone, no matter how many people stood in an empty crowd around me, I would always be alone without him.

I took a step forward, peering down into the water, parts of it at the sides were frozen, but some parts of the body of water still flowed freely towards the shoreline and back again. All the trees seemed to be skeletons and the flowers were long gone, geese had flown south for the winter. Everything dies in winter, and is reborn in spring. But no matter how many springs would come to this world, he would always be dead, no matter how many flowers could rise again from the ashes and face the light, I knew I could not; I would always be a wilted rose inside. I held onto my last petal and awaited its fall.

Maybe this world wasn't kind enough for something as beautiful as love, maybe fairytales were only meant for books. Nothing truly beautiful could survive in a world so harsh, so brutal, so monotone. And why was I still here anyway, if I could I'd trade his death for mine, but it was too late for that now. I could imagine it, I would be dead and he would find me, that I could imagine would leave him with more sorrow than when he was dead. How could I be so selfish?

"It would be better to just leave this world now, then we could be in the sky…together." I thought aloud, and then a gust of wind pounded at my back. I was then aware that I was still wet from the shower and the bitter cold was attempting to form a layer of ice around my body. The numbness came to my skin, first a burning, and then nothing. I felt nothing; my soul was as light as air but trapped in this heavy flesh. I touched a fingernail to the soft skin of my arm and watched a drop of red trickle down my arm to my finger and then to the icy roof. I felt nothing, I could only see the damage, but it didn't hurt.

I looked ahead towards the horizon where the city stood. That was where I had lost everything. I had only this body now, nothing else. The wind threatened to sweep me off my feet and push me off the edge. That was the only thing holding me back from him now, the only thing keeping me from salvation was the edge of this roof. Life is such a fragile thing. It's like a china doll, pretty, cracked, chipping over time, and with one drop it shatters into a million little pieces, there is no way to piece it back together again, and you'll cut yourself trying. The only way I realized, to escape the boundaries of time, to move beyond the barrier of life and death, was to stop the beating of my heart. All I had to do was…yes it was so simple…

I took a few steps to the edge of the roof. Finally I could be flying without using my power, I could finally be free, just falling and then…then I would be with him. Why hadn't I seen the solution earlier? The wind pressed to my back, this was my destiny. I could not deny my destiny. I said a small prayer, a goodbye to this world and the friends I was leaving behind, they'd have to understand someday. Maybe it was a bit selfish of me to give them that pain, to leave knowing it would make them hurt. But I always cared for others, I was sick of it, I had to do something, just this one thing, for me.

One leap from the edge, the wind beneath my torso, pressing upward, pressing downward against my back. One breath I took, speed gaining, I would meet the cold ice soon, this way I could never fall in love with another, this love for him I had, it was the only thing that could last forever.

"RAVEN!!!" My name, called by several voices, one was Cyborg, the other…the other…

"RAVEN!" Beastboy screamed. Was I dead now? My eyes had closed as I jumped, all was black. I didn't remember hitting the ground but I felt secure, held up in someone's arms. Slowly I lifted my heavy eyelids, the feeling coming back into my skin, I could feel my blood flowing, I could see all in pure vibrant color. But how could I have a body, I was dead. There was a blinding light that pierced my eyes when I finally adjusted enough to peer through the curtains of pure warm light I saw his face. My purple silhouette, the purple faded away, and I knew who it was, yes, it had always been him.

"Beastboy…" I whispered. He held me in his strong determined arms. Tears streamed down his face, and I realized I was crying too. Now I saw him clearly, he really was an angel, he had the wings of a dove and his emerald eyes shone with worry and passion. Love for me, yes we were finally together now.

"Raven…it's ok now…I was never really dead…" He spoke in calm whisper.

It was true, Beastboy was there as she had jumped from the tower, and instantly without thinking he saved her. He hadn't had the chance to transform into any animal, he hadn't given it a thought, his instinct was just to save Raven, save his love. So with the power of love and fate he had only partly transformed within a second, having the wings of a dove appear on his human back. He appeared to be an angel, and to Raven that's exactly what he was. She understood this just looking into his heart through his eyes. All she could feel in her soul was the delicate light and hope they shared.

"I love you…my beautiful broken angel…" They sang, the words just flowing through their lips in unison, these were the words of their hearts, their hearts were one now, they were one soul, one song, one love. The snowflakes around them seemed to melt away with the warmth they felt. His lips touching her lips, like silk and, they could feel their souls rise above them, flying into the sky. All the shadows in her mind vanished now, blinded by the light, all the scars chipping away at his spirit now healed with smooth layers of honey, sinking in towards his core. He took a tear from his cheek and lifted her hand, touching the cuts on her arm, the tear dissolved all the pain once there, and then freezing it fell as a snowflake far away into the wind.

The wind carried them away into another world. Cyborg watched their bodies dissolve in thin air, he was startled, speechless. Starfire and Robin came running from the tower.

"Where is Raven?!" Starfire shouted and Cyborg still just stood there paralyzed and he pointed to the sky, where his love and his friend had been only moments ago.

Can you take me away

To that place

Where flowers bloom in snow

Can you fly me away

To that world

Only you know where it grows

Only you know

The world they found themselves in was the most beautiful one could imagine. It was a world build of dreams and enchantment, a world one could only find in a fairytale. The forest was full of vibrant greens bathing in the gentle light. The rivers glistened and the sky was a soft creamy purple, light enough to float on. Through out everywhere sang a melody, it was the melody of Raven's heart, the wordless song she had sang to heal Beastboy when he had nearly died. Harps strummed and butterflies danced in a field of wildflowers. This was the world Raven had made, the world she had come to in her dreams when all hope was lost, and now she had unknowingly brought Beastboy with her, to her dreamscape, the world of healing.

Where a song

Can light a fire

Where the sun's still warm

Shining for your empire

It's hidden somewhere

In my dreams

Whispers tell me you have the key

To release everything

Can you take me away

To that place

Where I feel light as air

And we dance smoothly

As I listen to my heart race

Are your arms

Strong enough to hold me close

I float around you

And I'm scared you'll let go

Can you fly me away

To the land of ever after

Fly me away

To where flowers bloom in snow

Take me away

Before times grows any faster

Take me to a place

Where we will never grow old

A place only we know where it grows

Only we know

Author Note: First of all, please review! It wont take too long, and please tell me what you think of my poem too. I'm sorry it was just so happy at the end of this chapter, I hope I didn't make anyone sick, but it's touching to see the light after days of darkness. No the story isn't over, don't worry, you can say that it has just begun, well I don't know about that to be honest I have no idea what's gonna happen after this but sometime the idea and inspiration will hit me you can trust that. Now for the reviews.

Thanx to all the people that said they liked the story, and even correcting my grammer mistakes and such.

To the one with the aunt that's Tara Strong, tell her I'm a fan of hers, I went to her site and she is so awesome! I heard from getsilly that Raven might die (Gawd forbid) in season 4, can you ask her about that? Oh and I don't think the producer people would accept this (th show is TV-Y7 after all) but I can write a good episode if you want. Thank you!

Thank you Firpi for reviewing, I have also noticed that the story has evolved from what it was in the beginning, some things I knew I'd do like everything with Terra and BB, but adding Cyborg into the whole mess, even I surprised me, but I look back now and I'm glad I did it. I have to admit, this story started off pretty bad, so thanks everyone for keeping with it.

To the people that write things explaining that their crying and their adding this to their favorites and such, it touches me deeply to know I could reach your heart with my story, so don't stop reviewing!

Forevermore, RavenNevermore18- ps, I didn't get to see Bunny Raven can you believe that! Gosh! I have to see it, I saw everything but that!


	14. To Kill an Angel

Author Note: And now a long awaited chapter. I won't waste any more of your time with my speaking and such, I'll only say that I'm sorry for taking too long. Also there is a poem I wrote in here, I'd LOVE it if you'd read it but if you absolutely refuse to and hate poetry or think I suck at it or something then please know that there is more story after the poem, ff has a weird set up for poetry making it seems to go down the pg forever, (can anyone tell me how to fiz that?) so know that there's stuff beneath it. And also there's a bit of a Vanessa Carlton song in one part of the chapter as well, but there is story after that as well. This is really 3 short chapters you see, and I wanted to give them all to you since you've been waiting so patiently. Now go on! Read!

(heads up this is just the last par. Of the last chap since it's been so long, you're not reading the same chapter again)

The world they found themselves in was the most beautiful one could imagine. It was a world build of dreams and enchantment, a world one could only find in a fairytale. The forest was full of vibrant greens bathing in the gentle light. The rivers glistened and the sky was a soft creamy purple, light enough to float on. Through out everywhere sang a melody, it was the melody of Raven's heart, the wordless song she had sang to heal Beastboy when he had nearly died. Harps strummed and butterflies danced in a field of wildflowers. This was the world Raven had made, the world she had come to in her dreams when all hope was lost, and now she had unknowingly brought Beastboy with her, to her dreamscape, the world of healing.

"Beast I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking, was thinking too much, I never meant to hurt…any one…I never-"

"I know…" He spoke calmly and held her in his arms tightly, she gazed upon his smiling tinted face as the warm breeze gently blew through their hair. With him, for the first time, she felt that she belonged. She lived in a world where she was born to die, a world that was taught to shun her name, pull them apart, a world that wasn't made for people like her. But she belonged there, she belonged there with him, they belonged.

"Promise me you'll never leave my side…" Raven spoke. Their hearts were now one, and if they ever parted she knew that once that soul was broken she could never breathe again. This was now all she knew and all she wanted to know, this song, was all she wanted, his warmth, was all she needed.

"I promise…" He whispered and pulled her closer to him with a tender kiss, his fingers entwining with hers, a soft, radiant light powerfully tore through the sky from their hearts.

Cyborg

They vanished, right before my eyes. Together, together was their destiny, and I was no part of it. I realized this and trembled backwards. But no matter, I still loved her, I still yearned to hold her, but all I could do now was hope for her happiness.

"I do not understand!" Starfire continued looking at me, puzzled as I pointed to the white patch of sky where they had been. "Where has our friend gone, what has become of Raven?" Robin looked quizzically to the sky, the snow floating down in little crystals. He could always figure things out, but this was beyond him, there was so much about Raven that no one could comprehend, including herself. "Why are you pointing at the sky?" Starfire asked impatiently, she felt guilty about not protecting Raven from herself when she could have, and so now she wanted to always know where her friend was and what she did. So she would never let her friend slip away again. But Raven had a savior, it was him. I choked on the air, unsure of how I would explain .I looked at Robin's piercing stare, he knew that I saw something I didn't want to tell them, I had no choice but to give him the truth.

"Raven Jumped from the roof." I spoke quickly trying to make it as simple as possible. Starfire's face plunged into shock and anguish, I sped up before she could have a panic attack. "But it's alright! She's fine! Beastboy…caught her in the air…and then they just, disappeared…evaporated…" I looked at their expressions, first of relief but then, I knew it was coming.

"BeastBoy? How, where'd he come from?" Robin asked, shocked.

"He, was never really dead…" I explained, but I couldn't say another word.

"What do you mean he was never dead? You're not telling us everything Cyborg, this better be good." Robin spoke strictly but I'd had enough of him and his constant getting on my case, all the time. All of them, I couldn't take it. My head was pounding, throbbing, pulsing veins beneath my skin, it felt like my blood was boiling. Drops of sweat formed onto my far-head, but it was 18 degrees outside.

"I don't have to explain myself to you!" I screamed and suddenly fell backwards onto the snow coated ground, twinging in pain, it now circulated through my veins like lead bullets, a poisoness ice froze my cells, I couldn't move, I couldn't lift my arms nor my eyelids, they fell as I watched Starfire and Robin gasp in distress. All was black but I could hear and feel everything. Starfire and Robin carried me back inside the tower where it was even warmer.

"He's burning up!" Robin spoke as they dragged me onto a bed.

"Burning!" Starfire asked.

"His body temperature is too high, dangerously high." Robin explained I heard footsteps leaving the room and then quickly reentering. Soon a cold wet cloth was placed on my forehead and it felt good, but soon it felt as though the water was boiling atop my head. This had been coming all this time I knew. This sickness, there had been moments in the past month that my head began throbbing and my chest heaving. I breathed deeply sucking the air into my lungs trying to grasp any oxygen I could but it seemed barely enough to survive. Memories began to pierce that darkness, memories of him…him and the one that I loved. He…betrayed me. My so called friend he was, he knew I loved her all along and he betrayed me. I should have just killed him, I should have given him the final blow. Now they had disappeared, but it wasn't too late, they'd be back and I'd make her mine.

None of these people were my friends, Robin didn't care about me he just wanted to know what was going on. I bet if I told him he'd hate me, all he cared for was his little Starfire. Why did they get to be happy together? It was just too perfect how they could just be together, pure and unthreatened love. He didn't have to fight to be with the one he wanted. I bet they'd all just be fine if I was gone, but no, I wasn't going to go, not when I still had a chance to have Raven. It seemed so simple, yes, he was already damaged, all I had to do was kill him. That was my only obstacle. I'd never let Raven hurt herself again, she'd just have to get over him and see me standing there. Yes it was perfect. That's all I had to do.

"That's all you have to do…" A soft voice spoke into my head, a voice that had been sneaking into my mind lately. I would listen to this voice, as soon as I was ready, as soon as I healed.

"Oh Robin I am so worried, all of our friends have been hurt." Starfire cried onto his shoulder. A weakling, I thought. She would be easy to fool.

"Don't worry Star, Cyborg's made it through sickness before, he's tough, all we can do is try and help him heal." Yes I thought, yes I would heal soon. I would heal and get my revenge.

Here's a poem I wrote from Cy's POV and keep reading cause after this poem there's a LOT more story to come.

His love has decayed into

Impure desire and brutal wanting

His lust to be with her

Has grown so thick

That it blinds him from the reason

That he loved her

Wanted to be with her

Just wanted to see her happy

But now

He is possessed with wanting

The longing to have her

For himself

And no nobody else

His love is so bitter now

It tastes like mold

Jagged rusty shadows

Haunt his heart

The voices so loud they almost tare him apart

They twist the past

Bend the words

Ring his feelings dry until he's trapped

Convinced to pierce the heart, to destroy his companion

So that he may steal the heart of his love

Even if it shatters her soul, her world, even if it breaks her wings

Her happiness is no longer his wanting

Her love is no longer his craving

Her soul is no longer what he dreams of saving

He's drowned with the lust he confuses with need

He only has the wanting of her

He's consumed with greed

A wanting for neither her body nor soul

Just a wanting to have

Posses

Own

He has become Terra

Terra

once upon a year gone by  
she saw herself give in  
every time she closed her eyes  
she saw what could have been  
well nothing hurts and nothing bleeds  
when covers tucked in tight  
funny when the bottom drops  
how she forgets to fight... to fight

They left me there to die. There was a time in my life when I would have been lonely, a time in my life when they would have tried to save me. There was even a time in my life where…there was still some good, in my blood. But I knew then that, that good had soured, my heart was bitter, rotting and falling apart. I looked to the sky, the sun was falling deeper into the creamy peach and lavender clouds, the day was succumbing to the call of the night. Another day had past and I was still there. Something inside of me, perhaps it was the piercing darkness that Trigon had pinned, like needles in a voodoo doll, to my world. It told me, that the next day might very well be my last.

and it's one more day in paradise  
one more day in paradise

Was that so? That the next day, when the sun would set, that to set was also my very existence? If so then this was the last sunset I could every truly see. The setting of the sun normally wouldn't have meant anything to me, the sun's light was cold on my back, it was as empty as the lie I was living. But tonight it symbolized a world completely devoured in darkness, the world much like my heart would now become shadow land, where everything was shadow, and soon a shadow is all I would be. The shadow of a lost memory that all would beg to perish but no one would forget me, I had left my mark on this city. I had killed people, I had altered lives, I had, I had wasted my life away…before my own eyes…and this could not be changed.

Usually humans value their lives, they have a thirst to breathe no matter how deep the pain and how strong the wish to leave this world they physically cannot help but want to live. As a knife is plunged through them, as they drown in water, burn in fire, without giving themselves permission they always take another breath, a last pitiful struggle to survive, even if they had brought that death upon themselves. But I guessed then that I was not human anymore. In fact I was as cold as hail slithering down a bare back. I cared for nothing and certainly not myself, I wondered then, how I was thinking so much.

It seemed awkward, all this realization rushing into my head. I knew I was hallowed, I knew I was evil, I knew this was my fault and not Raven's and that I should have never hurt Beastboy. And I even, in a way, felt lonely. Though I didn't want to be in another's presence, I had hurt enough people. I guess that when you're close to death you try to see the truth of it all, or maybe Trigon gave me the power to feel for those moments, just so I could be overwhelmed with such dreadful pain. I had become a monster.

as darkness quickly steals the light  
that shined within her eyes  
she slowly swallows all her fear  
and soothes her mind with lies  
well all she wants and all she needs  
are reasons to survive  
a day in which the sun will take  
her artificial light... her light

Suddenly I realized that the sun was past setting and that a river of satin blackness had flooded the sky. A strike of pain clenched my chest, it pulled and pulled, squeezing my lungs, my ribs felt as if they were crumbling into dust. The force lifted me above the ground, slowly it dragged a light from within me. The aching was so unbearable that a scream was yanked from my breath, a scream that made my lungs bleed. I was glowing now, my eyes, my hands, all of me. My light was being devoured, the sip of good that was left, a drop so small I had barely noticed it was still there before, was now being emptied from my heart. How had I forgotten, tonight, like every night, Trigon had come to collect the good of my soul. And this time, he left nothing. I was separated into two, my good and my evil soul selves. Trigon of course took the good, and the bad was set into some strange place. Then the bad remembered its destiny, when it was with the good it had forgotten but now it remembered. There were fruits to be harvested…a dark plan that had been set all along would now take place. And no one could see it coming. They were so oblivious. They thought it was all over, that they could be happy. But this was only the beginning.

and it's one more day in paradise  
one more day in paradise  
it's one more day in paradise  
one last chance to feel alright... alright

don't pretend to hold it in just let it out  
don't pretend to hold it in just push it out  
don't you try to hold it in just let it out and  
don't you try to hold it in you hold it in

once upon a year gone by  
she saw herself give in  
every time she closed her eyes  
she saw what could have been –Paradise, Vanessa Carlton

BeastBoy and Raven were dancing in the rain of her dreamworld. She was singing and he was sweetly playing with her hair. She was so beautiful, they were so happy. 'This is how I want to spend eternity…' Beastboy thought. But then he saw a dark figure walk into his view. Suddenly the rain started to pour, lightning struck setting fire to the trees and a sudden hail started to crash onto them. Beastboy held Raven protectively in his arms but she had to see what it was that had caused this, this was not her world anymore. She spun around, surprised to see that she was staring straight into Terra's soulless eyes. Suddenly that world collapsed, no longer living off of Raven's happiness. They fell onto the muddy ground of a nightmarish place. But as soon as they lifted themselves back onto their feet they saw that they were on Earth, where their tower had fallen. The Evil Terra grabbed Beastboy in her arms and forced a kiss to his lips, Raven saw a light leaking from his mouth as she did this and knew that Terra was stealing his soul, she was trying to steal his soul so they could both be soulless. It was the only way she could have him.

Raven lunged at Terra shoving her off of him and into the mud but the power of Terra's evil was so radiant it made Raven clutch where her heart was with her hands and breathe deeply. Suddenly there was a light in the darkness; the good Terra had escaped Trigon for but a minute. She walked to Raven holding a sword and then placed it in her hands. "This is the only thing that can kill her, the only thing that can kill the evil…" Spoke good Terra, and then she was swept away by sudden darkness. Raven held the sword in her hands, finding a grip and then swinging it in the air once, then she aimed for Terra. However the girl was quick and easily dodged her attack. Beastboy watched in horror as the two began a battle, the evil terra also had a sword, it was shiny with venom. Raven tried with effort to dodge the attacks, though she had never fought with a sword before, and miraculously she was not scratched. Then for a moment Terra stood still, Raven didn't pause to think of how peculiar that was, she was desperate to destroy the foul beast, so with great strength she lunged that sword right into the evil Terra's heart. There was a scream of inexplicable pain, the cry of death. But this scream was not that of Terra, it wasn't her scream at all.

Terra's image faded, and in it's place was Beastboy. He dropped to the ground gasping for air, blood pouring from his chest. Raven instantly pulled the sword form his chest and fell to her knees. A pain so great that no poet could describe took her then. A pain so jagged and drowning she could barely breathe, it was a pain worse than when you are hurt, or when someone you love is hurt, or even the pain of dying. This was the pain she felt when she realized that she had killed the one she loved more than anything. Her angel was broken and the sword was in her hands, it wasn't Terra who killed him it was her! She had spilt the blood an angel!

"I forgive you…" He whispered to her and then before she could try and save him, he was gone. He had taken his last breath, his heart was beating no longer. He was dead. He was really dead. Raven would have spun around in rage with that sword and severed the evil Terra's body into shreds, she would make sure she never saw another sight. But sadness had Raven more than Rage now. Tears streamed from her eyes, she was choking on her every breath. She touched his cheek, it was ice cold. She collapsed completely beside him and cradled his hollow body in her arms. She kissed her broken angel for the last time. Her vision blurred with salty water. She felt her heart bleed in her chest and fall into her throat.

"There is only one way to save him…" Terra spoke. And suddenly Raven's world froze completely, silence echoed through her ears. She'd do anything. Anything to get him back.

"How?"

Author note: First of all, tell me what you thought of my poem! I'm sorry this took so long, I guess I'm a little lacking inspiration. I have the entire idea of how part one ends and how part 2 begins I was just for some reason dreading to do the Cyborg and Terra parts, because I was desperately awaiting doing this scene and the ones to follow. You're lucky I gave you all 3 scenes, the selfish part of me wanted to make a lot of different chapters so more could be posted over time and I'd get move reviews and such, which I absolutely love, reviews btw, I might not have even tried to finish this story without them. But anyway I figured after all this time I've kept you waiting, you deserve as much as I can give for this chapter. Sorry if it's short btw, I just didn't want to keep you waiting any longer. Anyway PLEASE REVIEW, I love those reviews like I love air, especially the ones that are detailed and full of emotion. And if you keep reviewing, then I promise, I'll keep writing. Yes and, I just wanted to let you know that when writing this last scene, just writing it made my heart ache terribly.


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